Tired

Too much

Author's note:
Rain feels overwhelmed and sad. Again.
Phayu being the best boyfriend ever like he always is 🥺❤️
English is not my first language, sorry for all the mistakes.
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Everything feels too much.

Rain feels the shirt scratching his skin. The street noises were frustrating, he thinks he can feel his blood running through his veins. And he can't stand it.

He is sitting on the couch, headphones on, music loud. Alec Benjamin playing, trying to relax himself. He was okay a while ago. But suddenly he started feeling that he was irritable, the sounds were too much,

Sig is too much, he just wants him to shut the fuck up. Sky's worried look feels too annoying. Ple's hands on his leg trying to comfort him feels too much. Por is the only one who is not annoying him, he is silently texting on his phone.

Rain is annoyed at himself for feeling like that, he doesn't know what the fuck happened, he is just too frustrated.

He puts his headphones down, he is nervous now, not knowing what to do, he wants to be on Phayu's bed, hugging the older. Smelling his cologne, that characteristic smell of his.

Ple's hands are no longer on Rain's legs, Sky is trying not to look at him. Sig is quiet. It seems that he said all that out loud.

He lets a frustrated sight out and gets up.

- I'm sorry guys. I'm leaving. I just can't. Sorry.

He give shis friends an apology and a smile, too fake to be satisfying, but he just can't.

He puts his headphones on again, his car is on Phayu's garage, doing some things that had to be done, so he has to take public transport to his house.

Too many people. The old man on his back is hitting him constantly. The girl on his left gives him flirty looks. The old lady on his right smiling sweetly at him, he sees how she says something to him, so he lowers his headphones to hear what she says.

- Everything is going to be okay, darling- she mutters, just a whisper, only for him to hear.

And at that moment, with that sweet voice and for this kind and sweet old lady, Rain breaks again.

Everything feels too much, and he can't stand it anymore. He wants to peel off his skin from himself, he feels his eyes watering, and soon his tears are falling.

The sweet lady clears his eyes and moves next to him, giving him a sweet hug.

- Let it out, dear. You can't hide what you feel. You have to let it out. Do you want to know how I know?- Rain nods, clearing his throat, stopping his crying eyes, while the old lady strokes his hair lovingly- cause you remembered me of my son... He was maybe a little bit older than you, I couldn't see it on him, at least not in time. That sad look. Your nails were drawing blood from your fists, did you know? I couldn't see it on him, and I was late, so now, whenever I see someone that looks like that, I just know. And I know everything is going to be okay, you just need to let it out. Go home, rest, cry, write, scream, sing, do whatever you need. But remember that there are people that love you.

Rain feels the old lady caress his cheeks and smiles at him, he still feels like everything feels too much, but the young lady stopped giving him flirty looks, and the man on his back stopped hitting and pushing him. Rain's house is the next stop, so he gives his farewell to the old lady, thanking her. And goes home.

His parents aren't home, they left the day before because of a work trip (again) so he is alone.

His house is silent. Peaceful. Quiet. Just what he needed.

He goes to his room, puts on some comfortable clothes (being that, a shirt from Phayu's house with his boyfriend's smell and nothing more) he lays on his bed, headphones on again, music loud, his voice even louder. He is trying not to feel the sheets on his skin. Trying to just not feel anything.

Without knowing it, he falls asleep.
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The door to Rain's room opens, Phayu enters and walks slowly to Rain when he sees him asleep. He puts the headphones out of his sweet boy's head, he gives him a delicate and sweet kiss on the forehead. A while ago, Por sent him a message, telling him that Rain didn't look good, his hands were on fists, he could listen to Rain's music through his headphones, and when he read that Rain complained about his friends worrying for him, he knew his sweet boy was feeling too much.

He put on some pajamas he had in his boy's house, and he laid next to him, hugging him slowly, he didn't want Rain to wake up. He strokes his hair lovingly, Rain hugs him almost instantly, his face on his chest, inhaling deeply. He feels how he relaxes in his embrace. Phayu's eyes start to close and he falls asleep.
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Why is it so hard to feel okay?

I don't want to be like that, I don't want to get frustrated, or overwhelmed just because. I want to feel sad for a reason, not just because my brain decides "hey, let's feel down today".
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Rain wakes up, and feels strong arms around his waist, a familiar smell, his face on Phayu's chest. He hugs his fiancé tight and kisses softly his chest. He relaxes instantly. All his worries flying out the window. Phayu smiles slightly and kisses Rain's forehead.

- Do you feel better, my sweet boy?- Rain nods, blushing a little- Before you ask me how I know, Nong Por told me. I rushed home, but you weren't there, so I guessed you were here, knowing your parents left, the house would be silent. So here I am, providing my sweet boy a comfy pillow.

Rain smiles and hides his blushing face on Phayu's neck.

- I have to apologise to them... They were just worried and I was rude - Rain's voice is hoarse from the screaming he did before- Phi, an old lady talked to me on the bus, she said everything was going to be okay. And that I remembered her of his son. She looked so sad when she told me about him. She said she could see that now, because she couldn't with his son. And, I don't know why I felt better when she looked lovingly at me. I felt, like someone felt how I was feeling at the moment. I mean, not that you don't but- Phayu shushes him.

- Don't worry, baby, I know what you mean- Rain kisses Phayu's hand, that is in his mouth.

- She said that I should let it out. So... I felt like... I really should. I've always been keeping all to myself. And... Maybe that's why I feel overwhelmed sometimes. Because I can't seem to be able to just, let it out. But maybe, with you I can... I just, don't know.

- Whenever you need me, whatever you need to say to me, I'm here Rain. I will always be. I love you. And I want you to be okay. And to feel safe.

Rain hugs his Phi and kisses his chest.

- You are too much for me. I don't deserve you Phi Phayu. But I love you so much, it hurts.

- No Rain, I don't deserve you. I love you so much my wifey, and I will always be here for you.

Phayu kisses Rain sweetly. He starts humming their love song, and Rain falls asleep again, mumbling a sweet I love you Hubby with sleepy voice.