in my dreams. - P.J.

x : on to find my future

X. ANYA !
⋆ ★
on to find my future

Anya still couldn't get used to her own name. She spent her time staring at herself in her mirror, repeating her name over and over to herself. Anastasia. Anastasia. Anastasia. It took her all to not cry at the simple name. Anya hated crying. The wet feeling in her eyes, her hiccuping, the feeling like she couldn't breathe. She always told herself there was no reason to ever cry over little things. Because the next thing you know you could be crying over death but you'll have no tears left. Anastasia. Anastasia. The girl in front of her wasn't Anastasia, it was still Anya. She grew into the name, morphed behind its protective barrier to keep herself safe. Anastasia Dinara Vandeleur. A name she hadn't used since she was only a twelve year old orphan. How could she agree to being called that name so quickly?

Because she knew Percy was right. She was dishonoring her own family by going by Anya. But it was easier hiding behind her alias than confronting everything that happened.

The picture did look much like her. The dark eyes of the little girl were a carbon copy of hers. Only hers were full with the things she had seen since then. Her hair hadn't gotten darker or lighter. Anya's hair stayed the same shade of brown all throughout her life. And she still wore bows. Of course, on a smaller scale now but she certainly still wore them.

Anya didn't go talk to Hazel like she said she would. While she was good at knowing people's feelings she certainly wasn't good with her words - that was Piper's expertise. So she left the two girls to talk alone without her disturbance. Anya stayed in her room with the door closed to make sure anyone didn't enter. After her situation with Percy the last thing she wanted was to be confronted over it. Especially by Annabeth and Jason of all people. The two of them were probably going to beg her for details now that she was alone.

Anya took the old photo of herself from her nightstand, analyzing every single one of her features. It was her, that was for sure; the last thing she grabbed before the fire got to everything else. Anya grabbed a small piece of tape from a roll in her drawer, putting up the photo right next to her mirror. The photo was next to all of her other pictures she hung up: ones of her and her friends. One was of her and Jason taken by Piper, at the Long Island Beach while they were putting a sunscreen mustache on Leo. There was one taken by her with all four of them, a late christmas party they threw after they couldn't spend it with anyone else.

Most of the memories she had displayed were only of her friends. Not a single reminisce of her family was seen around her room. Her friends never questioned her story, they didn't even fully know if her family was gone. Anya had stayed the most silent than any of them. The most Piper and Leo knew was she used to be rich - and now she certainly isn't anymore.

Her door opened. Jason was giving her the "you have some explaining to do" look he always used when she wasn't being clear on her actions. Sometimes he seriously acted like an older brother toward her as if he wasn't the youngest in his family and in their group.

"He knows your name," Jason stated the obvious. He put on a ridiculous fake pout. "Don't tell me I'm being replaced as your best friend, Anya."

"Of course not," Anya couldn't help but smile. She grabbed one of the pillows off her bed and threw it right at his face. It made a thump! sound when it collided with his face, almost a softer version of the brick. "But don't think you can just change my name now, Jace. I'm still Anya. You've always known me as Anya. I just . . Percy brought up the fact that I was hiding from myself. From my name. Maybe I need to be Anastasia for a bit."

"Are you going to explain it to the others?" Jason took a seat on her bed, placing the pillow back where it was. He brought up a good point. She couldn't exactly just have everyone instantly call her Anastasia. Everyone knew her as Anya - she still saw herself as Anya. How can she change it so easily?