Here Comes The Gay

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Sam walked through the hallway. There was a boom in the distance. Sam flinched. 

What was that?

There was another boom.

The hell?

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Someone screamed in the distance. 

THE HELL?!

Suddenly a small flying object shot past Sam. Sam jumped away. The object, looking like a mini missile, began spinning on the floor and emitting a vrrrrrrrr noise. And then... rainbows began to shoot out of the missile-thingy.

WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL? WHAT IS GOING ON?! WHAT KIND OF PRANK IS THIS?! IT AIN'T EVEN APRIL!

More missiles began to shoot by and land on the floor, beginning to spin around like the others. Rainbows shot out everywhere like an unhinged faucet. Some people were running around, screaming, while others just stood there, staring. 

WHAT THE ACTUAL BLOODY HELLLLLLLL!?

A wave of the rainbow crap began to snake its way toward Sam. He gave out a yelp and tried to move back, before tripping over his own feet and landing on his ass on the floor. The rainbow tendril snaked closer... closer... before it was all around him. Uh, what? Sam thought. Suddenly, voices began to whisper in his ear:

Gayyyyyyy, Gay! GAY GAY GAY- wait. Wait, a moment... you already are. Oh. Nice! Okay, byeee! With that the tendril slithered its way in another direction, choosing a new victim.

Sam froze. WHAT THE HOLY FUCKING SHIT OF FUCKIDY FUCK IS THIS SHIT?! Sam got up and began to run away. There was the rainbow shit EVEYWHERE!! It snaked its way after all the guys, ignoring the girls -sexist, much?-. Sam thought that the rainbow-tentacle-smoke-things would go after him again, but it surprisingly left him alone.

The guys who got caught fell down, the smokey-rainbow enveloped them, and then it was like they were stuck in a giant rainbow bubble.

I have to get out of here! Sam thought, running to the school's doors. Almost... There...! Sam was about to run out when someone blocked his path.

"AH!" Sam screamed, and the other person screamed as well. They both jumped back and stared at each other. The other person was wearing all black with their hood up, so Sam couldn't see their face, but he saw light reflecting on their glasses. 

I don't think I know this person... they're not wearing a uniform, and- Just then, the person lunged forward with a battle cry and threw something at him. It bounced off his chest before landing with a clink on the floor. A... metal marble? 

beep. beep. beep.beep.BEEPBEEPBEEP

With a poof, the marble-grenade-thing exploded, sending out more rainbow shit. 

The other person began cackling like a deranged psychopath as the band of color enveloped Sam. "HAHAHAHA, YOU WILL BOW TO THE GAY NOW! YOU HEAR ME, KID!? GAY! THERE IS NO ESCAPE! NOW, AND FOREVER, YOU WILL-" The girl -Sam assumed it was a girl, from the pitch of her voice- stopped her evil montage once she saw that the smoke had slithered away from him.

They stood there for a few seconds, regarding each other, before the girl threw down her hood and rushed at him. She had brown hair, tan skin, and round glasses. Is this little psycho witch going to be the last thing I see?

Sam braced himself. Goodbye, world... "BESTIE-BOO!" Sam cracked an eye open with horror. W-What did she just call me!? When the girl crashed into him, it was not what Sam expected. She hugged him. WHAT THE HELL!? She began to jump up and down, up and down, causing Sam to sway like a ragdoll in her arms.

After, like, THREE WHOLE MINUTES of torture, she let Sam go and stood back, grinning. "Hi there." She said, grabbing Sam's hand and shaking it. "Nice to meet you. I have a question: Would you like to turn the whole world gay with me?"