STOLEN SMILE

CATERINA

"I want to live my life, not record it."

-Jackie Kennedy

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I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK this attraction was my punishment for her. This was karma. While she had touched me, I'd wished for someone else, and that someone came in the form of my sister's fiancé.

The rest of Sunday passed with nothing but humidity, icy air- conditioning, and thoughts on my mind. Before her, I was a virgin, had never even kissed a man. An entire world of lust and sex had always been there, but I was unaware until I'd stepped into a low- income apartment holding the hand of a girl I hardly knew. She didn't know the Sweet Abelli, and, to me, that was all that mattered.

When I walked out the door, with that broken chain lock and a cheap ring on my finger, it was as a different woman, with a stain of red I could never remove, and a deeper, darker desire in my blood. Once you set foot into that hazy, carnal corner of the world, you couldn't go back. The ingenious part was that you didn't even want to. I attributed this to my problem and came to terms with the small fact that I was losing my mind.

When I'd heard my future sister-in-law in the foyer a few minutes ago while doing laundry to pass the time, I'd gone out of my way to cross her path. I hadn't needed a drink of water, and I certainly hadn't needed to wear the tiniest pair of shorts I owned while getting it. I was close to crossing a line, but I didn't know how to stop myself from toeing the edge.

I understood my attraction to the woman. Her hands were rough, her voice deep, her presence commanding........she checked all the boxes I needed but didn't want.

Whenever she was near, an invisible string pulled me toward her,vibrating with the promise of a thrill if I gave in to the heavy tug. I hadn't known I had such a lack of self-control until her. The part that gave me a bitter taste was that I didn't even want to show restraint.

At least I knew I couldn't step over the line completely. It took two for that to happen, thankfully.

Jennifer had been on the phone in the foyer as I'd walked past her. Her gaze had coasted from the marble floors, up my thighs, over the ridiculous shorts I was now regretting, and then to my face. She'd looked at me like I was gum on the bottom of one of her expensive heels. It was a mystery how I could be so attracted to her.

Since that brief, wordless interaction, I'd been trying to conceive a plan to get over this all-consuming interest in everything Jennifer Melgren.

I could ignore her. However, I'd already told myself I would do that, and look where it had gotten me: in the kitchen drinking a glass of water I didn't need, while wearing tiny shorts you could call underwear. I could go to Confession and then pray for the good Lord to save me, though with my luck, Father Mathews would tell my papa.

The most feasible option was to try to turn the attraction on to someone else. That might cause issues in itself, but at least I wouldn't be lusting after my sister's fiancé. The problem was, if this were possible, I would have already done it.

Frustration ran through me, and I dumped the rest of the water into the sink. I was being ridiculous. I just needed to put the attraction behind me. Mind over matter. Easy, right....?

I didn't have so much faith in myself after all, so, Monday evening, as we were on our way to Don Luigi's to have dinner with the Melgren family, I posed a hypothetical situation before my nonna. It had to be vague-very much so-otherwise she'd easily put it together with her astute ways.

"Nonna," I started hesitantly, "say you've......wanted this.....dog."

Her nose wrinkled from her spot in the town car. "I would never get a dog. I have allergies."