Love to Hate You

Chapter Twenty Five

Jennie

Okay, so everything has turned pear-shaped.

After spending that brilliant Sunday together glued to the couch, it seems as though both of us have now made the conscious decision to completely avoid each other, and it is confusing as fuck.

As much as we have told ourselves nothing would change after our one night together, something has. A weird chasm is opening between us and growing wider with each day that passes.

I guess things never really work out as you plan because a few days ago, I was the happiest I have ever been. Now, I'm completely miserable.

Lisa is doing a million shifts at the hospital and practically lives there. I'm not even sure if she comes home to sleep. Except late one night when I heard her cursing after crashing into my drying rack in the living room, and another night, where she had her bedroom door slightly open, and I saw her fast asleep, star-fished across her bed. She was still in her scrubs, and Kuku was lying on the pillow next to her.

It is like living with a ghost, and not a fun one that moves your stuff around in the middle of the night and freaks you out.

And well, as for me, I am completely lost and have taken a couple of days leave to get my head around this.

An ache in my heart weighs me down like it has been filled to the brim with concrete. I have made a horrible tactical error – I underestimated our connection. I should've never slept with Lisa.

I mean, it was great and all, but now I can't get over it. It had felt important somehow, intimate.

My mind flashes to that night, and the way she looked at me, how her kisses felt on my skin, and how she held me close. And it was everything.

I can't contact Rosie for her expert advice because she has done a Lucia and is trying to find herself on a trail deep in The Rocky Mountains. I spend most of the time traipsing around our apartment in a zombie-like state, moving from bed to couch and couch to bed, with frequent diversions to the uninspiring fridge.

When I get sick of that, I start hanging out in Miles' squishy studio apartment like a squeaky third wheel.

While Miles had warned me that she and Jane have a tendency to bicker, I didn't realize that she meant all day long. They bicker about everything under the sun – about which bread to buy, who's turn it is to mop, the color of the rug. It is almost enough to turn me off marriage.

But I guess Lisa and I can relate on some level. If someone would've told me three months ago that I would be crushing on my sworn enemy and would end up sleeping with her, I probably would've had a few choice words for them.

At first glance, we had nothing in common, but as we spent more and more time together, I realized that we are more alike than I thought.

Lisa is like a hard-boiled candy that you practically break your teeth on. When you finally crack the exterior, you sink into a luxurious gooey center and realize that it was totally worth it.

There is a depth to Lisa that I'm unable to put into words. Sure, we share wonderful banter - Lisa can be silly and light-hearted, and has me curled over laughing. But she is also kind, caring, and thinks deeply about things that matter.

Her calm center is a gravitational pull to my dysfunctional one, and she is fast becoming my safe space.

I have been sitting on Miles' couch for god knows how long, in a state of suspended animation, when a voice speaks to me, "Jen?"

I blink, looking up to Miles. "Um yeah. Sorry..."

"You looked miles away." Miles crouches down and places her hands on my knees. "Look, I love you, Jen, but you can't hide out here anymore. I'm calling an end to this pity party. This rabbit warren isn't big enough for you, me, and Jane. You need to go home and face the music. Plus, you ate the last of my Tom and Jerry's ice-cream last night, and there's no going back from that."