Pictures Of You

Strawberry Lemonade

March 1996

Noel felt rage and despair flowing through his veins. Liam. He'd fucked everything up. Why did he always fuck everything up? He just wanted to get out of here.

Noel made his way quickly through the motel. Dingy, dark, loud obnoxious American voices. It was all so foreign. Liam had fucked off. And he'd left the others with partially clothed American girls. So different from English girls. Beautiful in their own way. Forward, confident, exciting...but they were the last thing he wanted right now. In that moment all he wanted was to go home. They'd lost it all. Fucked it. America would remain closed to them forever thanks to that cunt Liam. In that moment Noel was angry at Peggy too that she'd chosen to have another baby after him. Look where that had got him now? He paused a dark thought creeping into his head. But would he have even made it this far on his own merit without Liam? He felt his guts twist

Noel knocked on their tour manager's door loudly and insinstently despite the lateness of the hour.

The door opened and Maggie (the torture of it being their tour manager Maggie and not his Maggie was achingly apparent in that moment) gave him a concerned weary frown.

"I need the float money." He demanded before Maggie could even speak.

Maggie hesitated and she placed her hand on his arm gently to try and calm him down.

"Noel...this will blow over. It always does just wait-"

"Maggie I just need the money alright." He said agitatedly.

Maggie sighed in defeat.

She walked away and gave him the envelope.

Noel took it with a grateful nod and hailed a cab outside.

"Airport." He said he got in.

He yore open the envelope and counted out the bills. 700 dollars. Probably enough for a last minute flight. He rooted around in his wallet for a piece of paper that was already worn from the amount of times it had been handled, folded, re-folded and read. Maggie's last letter. She'd been in San Francisco for almost a year some high flying opportunity at this art exhibition. "Love Always, Maggie x". In his lowest moments, no matter what else was going on Maggie and her love were always there even if they were physically miles apart. She was only one plane away. The closest they'd been in a year with all this touring. Fuck Liam. Fuck Oasis.

Noel felt his finger catch the worn Polaroid edge of her picture. He pulled it out looking at her. Basking in her beauty. Seventeen head over heels in the first flush of love with him. Her smudged lipstick and her twinkling eyes. Almost 10 years... but his feelings hadn't changed. If anything they'd only grown.

They'd grown and changed but their love ran like a constant river flowing through his life meandering through it all never drying out. He briefly wondered what would happen if he'd ever given them the chance to overflow. No barriers. No mental jobs. No living in different countries. His heart pounded in his chest as the old daydream reappeared in his head of her on that beach, with him...and kids. He'd heard the phrase "biological clock is ticking" mostly spoken to women in their 30's. Womem couldnt make babies forever but men could so why the fuck did he have a biological clock amd why was it ticking?! Was he really that far off his rocker? Fucking hell.

In a daze he put all the cash up front at the desk. One way to San Francisco. Before he knew it he was getting that flip flop sensation in his stomach from take off amd at the thought of seeing her again. He needed to see her. Now.

Noel got out of the cab. He hadn't slept on the flight he'd been thinking too much. He was emotionally and physically exhausted. He gave the cab driver his last twenty and quickly went up the stairs to her flat. He hesitated breathlessly woth his just in mid air ready to knock. It was 3am...what the hell was he doing? His heart was pounding, he was wired like he'd hammered too much coke but it was the thought of her pumping through his veins keeping him awake.