A Farewell Letter to Myself

Chapter 4 Pt. 1

Something wasn’t right. As soon as the words had left her mouth, something in Amory had shifted. Perhaps it was the reddish tinge at the edges of his vision, maybe the sudden sick feeling in his stomach, like someone had grabbed his insides and was squeezing and knotting them. Possibly, it may have been the fact that he didn’t feel like himself anymore, that he was just a puppet, that some supernatural and superior being had him in its clutches. The day went by again in a haze; he failed miserably on another test, Marilyn made an effort to avoid his eye contact at the lockers and giggled about him with another blonde girl behind his back. Amory was shaking, was it nerves, anger or something completely else? As he walked out of school, still feeling as if in a daze, he received a text: ‘Met me on Hartel Avenue, I need to explain’ it was the same number, the one that had sent him the texts before. What was this girl playing at? Usually, he would have just deleted the number and got on with it, but something, or someone, was making him keep replying and obeying what it said. Still not allowed to go out from the land-fill incident, Amory climbed out of his bedroom window, a trick learnt from an uncle years before, and made his way to Hartel Avenue. He was scared, but also curious: finally he would know the identity of this mysterious girl. As he came to the entrance of the avenue, a splitting headache filled his brain. It was painful enough to cause him to stop walking, his hands clutching his ears, his eyes watering.

“Ugh…stop!” he shouted. “I… c-can’t hear…”

~Come, come, stop complaining~

He stumbled forward onto his knees, tears of pure pain spilling onto the rough tarmac. Amory shook his head, choking and gasping.

“S-stop…” he mumbled, spittle forming on his chin and lips. “Please…. Stop it… I-I… it hurts…”

~Honestly, you’re pitiful… is this better?~

The pain softened a little, causing him to drop to the floor with a sigh of relief. It was now an annoying buzzing noise, but it was bearable, and he had to make do. Amory pulled himself off and dusted his uniform down.

“Well?” he asked, holding his arms out. “Are you going to show yourself?” the voice tittered.

~Oh come on, you aren’t nearly enough ready to see my true form yet,~ Amory grimaced as the buzzing rang in his ears but continued to listen. ~I am the doll, the one you destroyed in the dump. Except, I am much more than that. I am the one sending you the texts, the love letters.~

“W-what? But… they’re in my handwriting… how…”  Amory sat down on the steps of an empty café on the avenue, his head resting on his fist. “I don’t believe you. Dolls can’t talk.” He huffed and smiled at his own stupidity. The voice sighed.

~Really, not a bright one, are you? I wrote the letters through you. I suppose you wrote them, but under my control. It would look strange, a doll writing a letter, wouldn’t it?~ Amory shook his head in disbelief.

“You could have done it at night, through the doll, if you have no physical form. You were the one that moved it’s head, weren’t you” He asked. The voice laughed.

~Well done, boy. Yes, that’s correct. However, how on earth is a cloth doll going to able to hold a pink gel pen, huh? And anyway, I wanted to mess about with you.~ He could hear it smirking. Amory sighed and looked at his watch, wary of the old woman walking along the deserted road, giving him strange looks. He realised he probably looked like a mad man, talking to himself.

“Is that it?” he asked, irritated. “Are you done?” The voice sniggered.

~Not quite yet…~ Suddenly, the pain came back, even more deafening than before. Amory screamed, causing the woman to stop and stare.

“MAKE IT STOP!” he yelled, his head on fire. “STOP IT! STOP IT, PLEASE!” His body feel like strings were attached at the limbs, and then he went blind, only unending reddish black filling his vision. The screaming stopped, and then the boy realised he was no longer in control of his body. He tried to shout, but he’d become mute. Amory couldn’t hear or speak or see; he was trapped inside himself, the crushing darkness the only thing he was aware of and the pounding pain in his heart, like a dagger being twisted around, ripping and tearing away.