The Incubus

Part 4- her

Well, I should not be angry at another stunt pulled or something done. I am tired of all this. Lord forgives me but I really despise some of the qualities of my family. I wish that at times I were never a part of this family. I wish that I were never born. Is this how Job felt? As though it was better that he was not born rather than to be born and not love life. Although I am only in my 20's I think that most times, I would be content in just not living. Yes, I finally said it, I feel contend if I would die. From now on I should refuse to let others anger me and in fact laugh at the antics they pull. I should probably stop boring persons with my speeches. I know people ask what a no -job, in- college teen know about stress. Many things! For one I have no job and the only form of income I have is the $475 that government gives me monthly. Out of that, I give tithes and my mother after which there is about $275 left. Of the $275, anything such as movies or lunch or anything is expected to come from that. My parents wonder or rather they question where all of my finances are at during the times when I no longer have money.

One summer I had worked for a particular bank. I was never called into a meeting but at the end of my time spent, it was reported to my sister whose friend helped me to get the job, that I had a bad attitude. I have been hearing this all my life. Truthfully, my attitude is usually there to disguise hurt and anger. If I ask for help and no one is, forthcoming I usually just shut down on my feelings and do my own thing. I do wish at times , most times that I never needed people to began with, that way I won't be stressing them out and when I need something done I can do it myself. That is why I sell now. Not my body but items! That way I can make money to supply my own needs because no one wants to help you although they always want your help.

Well I am still alive, not bashful mind you just exhausted both physically and emotionally drained. No one to blame but myself I constantly hear. Should you have to study a person and see the repercussions of their actions to be a better person to them? Laugh my head off. When persons believe, certain things hurt me when in fact, they do not, they only make me stronger and everything becomes too funny. I plan to laugh more live more and be the best I can. Speaking of the best I can, I need to get ready to attend the Food Festival in Botanical gardens.