"I can't do it," I whispered to myself, tears streaming down my face. "I can't take it anymore. I just want all this pain to end." I sat on the floor, staring at the rope, and tried to will myself to stand up, to reach out for help. But the pain was too overwhelming, and I collapsed back onto the floor, My head in my hands. "I just want it to end," I sobbed, My voice barely audible. I couldn't bear the thought of causing any more pain, of leaving anything behind to torture the people I loved, but the pain I felt myself was unbearable.
I kept picking up the rope and putting it back down, unable to make a decision. I didn't know what to do or how to fix it. The emptiness I felt was like a gaping hole in my heart, a vacuum that nothing could fill. And the loneliness I felt was almost physical. I felt like I was drowning in it, like it was surrounding me on all sides, and I couldn't breathe.
I tried to reach out, to connect with people, to fill that emptiness with love and light. But it was like trying to plug a leaky dam with my fingers, the water rushing through the cracks. Nothing I did made any difference. The emptiness was always there, always present, a constant companion that I couldn't shake.
In the end, I couldn't take it anymore. I decided to write a note to everybody, but then I second guessed that. Would anyone even want a note from me? No notes, I thought. No notes. I grabbed the rope again and tied it around my neck, feeling the cold, rough coils against my skin. I closed my eyes, willing myself to let go of all the pain and emptiness and just let it end.
And then, just as I was about to let go, I heard a voice. It was soft and gentle, like a warm breeze on a summer's day. It was the voice of someone who cared, someone who understood. It was the voice of someone who was there for me, who wanted to help me.
I opened my eyes, and I saw someone standing in front of me. It was someone I had never met before, but I felt like I had known them all my life. And in that moment, I realized that I was not alone, that I had someone. But I didnt care. I stepped off the chair and felt the rope get tighter around my neck until I couldnt feel anything. Its over now. All my pain is gone. I started to giggle in the last little I had before i would died.
As I lay here in the hospital bed, all I can think is why? Why can't it all just end? I have been suffering for so long, and it feels like there is no escape. I am trapped in a never-ending cycle of pain and misery, and I don't know how to make it stop. The past few months have been the toughest of my life, and I am just so tired of it all.
I try to reach out for help, but it's like there is a wall between me and the rest of the world. I feel disconnected from everyone, like I am alone in a cold and empty universe. And no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to make that connection. I just want someone to understand me, to see me for who I really am.
But all I seem to find are people who want to use me, people who want to hurt me. I don't understand why they are so cruel, why they want to make me suffer. All I want is to be happy, to live a normal life, to be understood and loved. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know how much longer I can keep going like this. I feel like I am on the edge of a cliff, about to fall into an abyss of darkness. Sometimes, I wonder if it would be better to just let go, to let the pain finally end. But then I think about the people I love, the people who care about me, and I know that I can't do that to them.
I just have to keep pushing forward, keep fighting, keep searching for a way out of this darkness. I know that there has to be a light at the end of this tunnel, a place where I can finally be at peace. And I know that I have to keep searching for it, no matter how long it takes, no matter how hard it gets. But i cant. no matter how hard i try. Do people even like me? Why would i even go through the process of fighting when i can just die. Someone end my pain.
