Safe & Sound

tell me why

taylor's pov

i woke up the following morning with an almost familiar sense of nausea and as i ran to the bathroom i couldn't help the tears that cascaded down as i attempted and lost to battle with the sickness. but instead of dealing with it alone my mother was there to hold back my hair and whisper that everything is okay in my ear, although at this point i was aware of the looming prospect that everything may be about to change. at that thought there was a knock on the door and i let my mom handle it, i heard talking but couldn't decipher any words, just sat there helplessly waiting as my mom returned with a small, unexciting brown paper bag. she rustled it open and i watched intently as she pulled out 5 different tests for me to do.

i knew what to do from the scare with joe a few years back, so my mom left the room to give me some privacy as i had the gruelling job of peeing on the sticks. once i was done i placed them side-by-side on the marble sink top and called at my mom to return, who was busy ordering some room service breakfast for the two of us. "mom" i asked hesitantly "if it is true what do i tell travis?"
"you will know what to say honey," she reasurred me
"but what if he only wants me for the fun and when things get serious packs up and leaves?" i questioned, although in the back of my mind i knew the absurdity of it but i couldn't help the tunnels my brain was forming
"let's not think that way right now tay, and besides that man loves you unconditionally, i've never seen you act the way you do around him and i can assure you it goes the same for him." i smiled at her comforting words, willing the seven minute timer to buzz soon.

we waited for what, to me, felt like a million years. my mom did her best efforts to distract me but most of it was unsuccessful as i checked how long was left every 30 seconds. when it finally went off i sucked a breath in and squeezed my moms hand as i returned to the bathroom. i looked at everyone of them before it sunk in.

positive. positive. positive. positive. positive.

i gasped and i felt a new myriad of emotions which i hadn't ever experienced before. it was an overwhelming joy at the prospect of bringing new life into this world and having a mini-me, fear at the inevitable what was to come and shock at the fresh prospect that all my fantasies of becoming a mother would actually come true. 
"i need to tell travis" was the first thing that came out of my mouth when i finally regained my ability to speak. my mom nodded and i repeated it as i left the bathroom to grab my phone and click on his contact. he picked up almost immediately and i could through his voice that he was half asleep, i felt bad as it was only 2 in the morning for him "tay? is everything okay?" he asked
"trav i need to talk to you" obviously i wasn't going to tell him over the phone but i needed to see him in person. 
"are you okay?" was his first question
"yes i'm fine i just i really need to see you" i could practically hear his trademark smile in his voice as he replied
"i do too tay but it's just a few more days"
"no trav i need to talk to you like now, i can either fly out or you fly in, sorry but i just really really need to speak to you in person" i could hear the worry in his voice as he said
"no no you can't cancel your show, i'll get the next plane out. hey tay, are we okay?" he asked in a hushed voice and it almost broke my heart that he thought that was what i mean
"yes! oh trav yes we are okay i just can't tell you over the phone"
"okay i'll be there soon, see you tonight" he said with confidence, with a following "i love you taylor" which i reciprocated before hanging up. 

i released a sigh that i hadn't realised i had been holding as i walked into the sitting room to find my mom who had given me space to talk to him and said "travis is getting here tonight"
"do you want to do the show tonight? because if not-" she began but i interjected saying resoultely
"yes 100%, if i have a baby on the way then i need to give the fans all they deserve and more before this little one comes" i said, resting a hand on my flat stomach, imagining the small bean that had taken residence for the next 9 months in it. 

for the rest of the day i was a bit of a nervous wreck, anxious of what travis had to say and still majorly overwhelmed by the news. i had scheduled a private doctors consultation with the tour doctor for the afternoon and once that was done and she'd confirmed what i already knew, i had a few hours to give my feet a needed rest before returning to stage. travis had messaged me at 10, only 45 minutes after our phone call, saying he was about to board a jet here and should be with me after my show. i spent the next hour looking through baby clothes on pinterest, i couldn't help it my baby fever was at an all time high.i mean, i did want it. the whole package. of course i did, all i'd ever dreamed about was becoming a singer and a mother. me and travis had spoken about it but never had bet on it being this soon. i guess i was just scared about what his reaction would be considering we had only been dating for 10 months. 

as i began to go down a rabbit hole i began getting told i had to get dressed and ready for the show. it was going to be just the distraction i needed, and as i warmed up with the singers and dancers i felt a sort of content happiness, like everything would be just fine. 

the show went spectacularly and as i took my final bow i tried to soak it all in, the lights, the crowd, the cheers, everything just made me so thankful to get to do this as my job. i loved every minute of it and i couldn't help but skip off the stage and into my parents arms as they showered me in praise. however, as i returned to my dressing room to see my jumper and jeans waiting for me i couldn't help the nervous feeling in my gut which only grew with every step i took away from the stadium and into the car. however i put on my very best fabricated smile as i congratulated everyone for another great performance. i slipped into the car alone and allowed a few stray tears to fall, anxious of what was to come as i was well aware that travis was by now waiting in my room for me. i had told him to wait there as i didn't wish to tell him while we were in the stadium. so, as i quickly thanked my driver and practically bolted up to my room i willed down the nervous pit that had been brewing in my stomach.