Safe & Sound

dear reader

after the emotional high of the madrid show and sharing my news with blake, i felt like i was floating. the love and support from her family was really everything i had needed, other than seeing travis but that was also fast approaching. but as the tour rolled into lyon, i found myself facing a different kind of challenge.

the lyon show was set to be spectacular. the city's vibrant energy and the anticipation of the fans were infectious. yet, amidst the rehearsals and preparation, i couldn't shake off what i had read online. the insecurity consumed me.

over the last few weeks, i had noticed, however small it still was. i was gaining weight. of course i was, i was pregnant. but scrolling through my social media feeds, i couldn't help but notice a flurry of comments that made my heart sink. words like 'pregnant?' and 'weight gain' popped up repeatedly. and, despite knowing i was in the early stages of pregnancy and that these changes were natural, seeing the scrutiny and judgement laid out so plainly hit me hard. my brain kept telling me that i shouldn't be gaining weight yet, i hadn't planned this.

i took a deep breath and stepped away from the screen, but the words lingered in my mind, echoing with every movement. in the solitude of my dressing room, in the silence i couldn't stand it, so i picked up my phone and dialed travis's number, needing his steady presence to ground me.

"hey tay," he answered, his voice warm and comforting. "how's lyon treating you?"

"hey," i said, trying to keep my voice steady. "it's good, really good. but i needed to talk to you about something."

"what's up?" his tone shifted, becoming more serious, sensing my distress.

i hestitated for a moment, then took a deep breath. "people online are commenting on my weight gain. they're speculating, and it's really getting to me. i know it's silly, but it's hard not to let it affect me."

there was a pause on the other end, and i could almost hear travis thinking, choosing his words carefully. "tay, first of all, i'm so sorry you're dealing with this. people can be so cruel and thoughtless. but you have to remember that what they say doesn't define you. you're doing something increible, something beautiful, and their opinions don't change that."

his words were a balm to my bruised heart. "i know you're right. it's just hard to see it written out like that you know? to see people making judgments about something which is so personal and should be wonderful."

"i get it," he said softly. "but you have to focus on what really matters. our baby, our future, the poeple who truly love support you. you're stronger than these comments. you're stronger than any of the negativity. tay, you're the strongest person i know. hell you're the strongest person anyone knows! you're taylor swift!"

tears welling up in my eyes, but this time they were tears of gratitude and love. "thank you, trav. i needed to hear that. i needed to be reminded of what's important."

"always," he replied. "i'm here for you, no matter what. and just think, in a few months, all of this will seem so small compared to the joy we'll have with our baby."

i smiled, feeling a weight lift off my shoulders. "you're right. i have so much to be thankful for, so much to look forward to."

we talked for a while longer, his voice calming me and filling me with renewed strength. by the time we hung up, i felt more centered, more ready to face whatever came my way.

as i stepped onto the stage in lyon that night, i carried travis's words with me. the crowd's energy surged through me and i poured my heart into every song, every note, knowing that i was surrounded by love and support, both onstage and off.

the next day, i was still running over mine and travis's conversation and i knew i had to stop procrastinating and make the difficult announcement. my fans had been incredibly supportive, and i didn't want to let them down. i went to find tree in her room in the hotel we were staying in. i knocked on the door and waited for her to open it.

"tree, can we talk?" i asked

"of course taylor. what's on your mind?" tree replied, opening her door wider to allow me in.

we both took seats and i said "i think it's time to tell them it's postponed tree we can't put it off any longer." 

she nodded, her expression softened with understanding "i think so too. i've already informed the stadiums and the team. how do you want do it, coupled with the announcement?" she asked

i hesitated then shook my head "no, i want to wait a bit longer before making it public and i want to wait until london, so travis is there with me."

she nodded, respecting my privacy. "i understand. well we'll all support you in any way we can. how do you want to handle it?" she asked again

"i want to be honest, but i don't want to give too many details. let's frame it as needing some time off for personal reasons," i suggested

she considered it and nodded "i was thinking the same thing. we can craft a statement that reflects your gratitude and love for the fans while emphasizing the importance of needing this time to yourself."

we spent the next hour working on the announcement, carefully choosing words that conveyed my heartfelt thanks to the fans and my need for some personal time. tree's experience and empathy were invaluable, and by the end of our discussion, i felt more at ease with the decision.

later that evening, within the confines of my dressing room, sitting in a cozy, softly lit corner. the camera was set up in front of me and i took a deep breath before pressing record.

"hi everyone, it's taylor. i hope you're all well. i just wanted to take this moment to talk to you all about something important and share some personal news with you all." i paused, gathering my thoughts. 

"first of all, i want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the love and support you've shown me throughout the eras tour. this journey has been incredible, and the mmeories we've made together are something i'll cherish forever. your enthusiasm, your energy, your voices singing along to every song - it's been magical. you've made every show an unforgettable experience, and i'm so grateful for each and every one of you. i mean it when i say it's been the best time of my life."

i took a deep breath, feeling a mix of emotions swell within me.

"as much as i love being on stage and performing for you all, it's with a very heavy heart that i have to say i need to take a step back for a little while. after the shows in june, i've decided to postpone the rest of the tour. london being our final show for now, don't worry i promise i will reschedule." 

the words felt heavy, but i knew the necessity of them.

"this decision wasn't easy. there are some personal health matters that i have to prioritize and focus on, so that i can continue to give you the best of me in the future. sometimes, when we take a pause, we come back every stronger."

i looked into the camera, hoping to convey the sincerity of my feelings.

"i want you to know, this certainly isn't goodbye. it's just a pause. i promise that we will be back,  and we will make many more amazing memories together. your support and understanding mean the world to me, and i couldn't do this without you." i smiled, feeling a wave of gratitude "thank you for everything. i love you all so much, and i can't wait to see you again soon."

with that, i ended the video, feeling a sense of relief and peace. tree uploaded the message, and as i watched the responses pour in, my heart swelled with the love and support from my fans. this was just a temporary pause, a necessary step in my journey and i knew that with their understanding and encouragement i would come back stronger than ever, accompanied with a little one.

the response was overwhelmingly supportive. fans expressed their understanding, sending love and well wishes. the kindness and encouragement from them was like a warm embrace, affirming that i had made the right decision.