Just Tell Me It's Not The End

Part 1

The airport is almost empty at 4 am in the morning. That's how I prefer it because it leaves a lot of time to gather my thoughts. My thoughts that has been scattered in the past two days ago after Kyla's call. 

You're getting married. I guess for real this time, no more complications. No one getting in between.

I still remember waking up in a hospital bed with no one around. Just an empty room and all I could hear was my beating heart. The last thing I remember was rushing to our ceremony. I was so happy and so in love. I always believed you felt the same. I put my trust in you. But I woke up alone. Next day visitors kept coming in and checking on my condition but none of them was you.

Kyla told me that you left the country two days after our marriage ceremony. Our wedding. A wedding that didn't happen because I got in an accident.

I didn't want to believe that you just left me and search you. Asking friends, relatives, even your parents where you could be. No one told me that. Either they didn't know or they didn't want to tell me.

I guess that's something I could have expected from your parents. They have never liked me. Surprisingly, the reason wasn't the fact that I am a girl. They have always wished that you could marry your childhood friend Alyssa but I got in the way. That's something they never forgave me for.

I knew that you were back in Manila for some time now. Only after learning that you came back to get married, in the same place where we were supposed to share our vows and promise to be together, I couldn't just sit and wait.

I have no intention of interrupting your marriage. Despite everything I wish you happiness. I just want to know why, why haven't you stayed by my side? Why you went away? Why you didn't care?

I notice someone waving at me from across the airport. I told Kyla I don't need escort from the airport but she still came.

"Jema! Finally! I haven't seen you in ages!" the girl literally jumped on me and it was a miracle that I managed to stand my ground.

"Let's go see the city! No no, let's go to our favorite places first, no wait... maybe we could eat somewhere first! Oh...I have so much on my mind! You probably forgot how Manila looks! Let me show you everything!"

I laughed shortly "breathe." and after that I added more seriously "I need to take care of something first and then we can do all you like, I plan on staying for at least couple of weeks".

"Take care of something?? you mean?"

"Yes, I need to know why? just a simple question, I think it's better to ask no rather than regretting it for the rest of my life. I need to know, maybe then I can move on".

"You should have moved on long time ago! Wait how much time passed? About six years, right? You should have moved on at least five years ago, no wait you were still in a coma at that time... Well at least four years ago!"

We headed out of the airport and I liked the support of Kyla so kept on smiling. The girl kept on rambling about my moving on while I got lost in my mind again. How long it takes Ella to move on? How long it takes for her?

Her parents weren't good actors and I could see that they were happy that we're through when I tried searching for Ella and asked them where she could be. They were overjoyed. I wouldn't be surprised if the one that's Ella is getting married to is Alyssa. That would be their preference, after all. Wait, maybe Kyla knows about this as well. After all, she somehow found out about the wedding.

"Kyla? Whose Ella getting married to?"

My friend scowled at me "I keep telling you that you should move on and forget about her and you asked me this out of the blue? Were you even listening to what I am saying? Of course, not. who am I fooling, who knows some guy Henry, Harry, Harvey? I don't remember his name but no one that we know of. I wouldn't be surprised if the marriage is calculated as it would be beneficial for both of their companies but Ella parents approve of him if that's what you're curious about".

"Of course they do", I sigh defeated "anyone is better than me but wait why not Alyssa? I remember how her parents always said that they would be the happiest if Alyssa were in my place instead, so Ella like guys now as well? I remember her saying that I'm the only she sees".

I realize that I said this bitterly but my mind is still clouded for all the information. I'm allowed to be angry. I have noticed that Kyla avoided my eyes from some time. But with my intense staring I won her over.

"Alyssa was the one who told me about the wedding because she's the bridesmaid, just like in your wedding well if you had married, you know I haven't kept in touch with them and we start communicating only recently. The girls don't even know that I told you about it."

Kyla squinted her eyes with a thought in her mind but then just waved her hand dismissively "I don't even know what's on their minds because they haven't asked about you even once, I wish I could have come to the church that day so I would have at least seen what was happening there while you were in the hospital."

"Oh...but Alyssa is actually taken. She got together with Dennise four years ago. I guess only Ella parents wished for them to be a thing".

"I see..." it hurt knowing that Ella never asked about me. Not even once. Did I meant so little to you?

"Do you know where I can find her?"

"Who? Alyssa?"

"Dennise,  I haven't talked with her for years but I think she would tell me where I can find Ella. We were good friends some time ago, also she should understand my reasons".

Kyla seemed doubtful about it. "You know she changed a little, well she's running after Alyssa. Maybe I should ask, I will say that I can't find Ella but I need to give her something, I can think of something. If you do that she might just call Ella herself and tell her that you're back."

Giving a second thought that was way better option so I had to agree. Ten minutes later we were sitting in the backseat of taxi and Kyla was calling Dennise. Just like she guessed she got the answer quite immediately though even I could hear Dennise's discontent. I looked at the clock. 5 am. We should have probably discussed the time for the call.

Kyla told me that when she talked with Ella last time, she mentioned that she plans on spending her Sunday at home so I had more than enough time to get a shower and get ready for the talk.

I stood in front of Ella's apartment around 9am. I knew that she might be sleepy because she has always used her free days for extra sleep. Her logic told her that this way she gets all the hours of sleep that's necessary for humans thought obviously all the articles on the internet told otherwise.

With trembling hand I knocked on the door and stood there waiting. I noticed that she doesn't have peephole on her doors.That's an advantage as she might just ignore me and leave me standing here.That's not Ella's still but she wasn't there when I needed her the most. Why I am still making excuses for her?

I waited for about two minutes and knocked again. I counted the numbers in my mind to know how much time passed. That's how pathetic I was.

The door on full swing caught me off guard.Now I realized the reason it took Ella some time because she stood there just in her towel, clutching the towel with one hand. Her hair was still wet and some drops of water were falling on her shoulders and floor.

"What do you want?" Ella asked before seeing who's behind the door. The second her eyes met with me she unconsciously gasped and before I could open my mouth shut the door in front of me.

I think I heard some voices inside the apartment but I couldn't be sure. During these few seconds I only managed to see her face. The same face that I remembered and still dreamed about every night...It finally hit me how much I actually missed her.

I was about to knock again not ready to give up but before I could do that Ella opened the doors again. This time I managed to form a faint smile and said short "hello" while waiting some reaction from the shorter girl.

It took her few more seconds to speak up "what do you want?" she repeated the question a bit annoyed but I could see curiosity behind those eyes too. Some time ago, I knew you them so well could they lie to me? They never did before.

"Can I... come in? Can we talk?" I asked politely not sure how to start this conversation. I feel that Ella is the one who should give me explanation but for some reason standing right in front of me I feel petrified and can't start demanding things. That's not how I planned to have this conversation in my mind.

Believe me I imagined this scene so many times. How I would speak my mind and made her listen. How I demand to explain Ella her reasons... how she apologized and we got back together, of course that was only a dream.

"If you're busy with someone else I can meet you any other day", I added bitterly remembering the voices from inside the apartment.

I expected her to agree to this term but instead Ella stood aside and let me in "that's just my tv", she commented simply while closing the door and rushing to the other room to turn it off.When she got back to the room all I could hear was silence.

She looked at me expectantly. So yeah, I'm the one who needs to speak. Fine. I can speak. I have a lot to say.
I opened my mouth but nothing came up. I just stood there staring at her. Her figure that looked just I remember, her brown eyes that always betrayed her little lies, her lips who shared the most beautiful smiles with me, the same lips that I couldn't stop kissing and never got tired of.

I don't think I was in my right mind when I stepped closer to her, cupping Ella's cheeks and capturing her lips. I have expected her to push me away as she froze under my touch but instead, I felt her answering the kiss. She even pulling me closer. Few seconds later she bit my lip and not in a playful way.

This reminded me of situation and made mere treat from the kiss. I still felt her lips on me. It felt like all my senses were coming back to me this moment. Her smell invaded my nose. Her furiously fuming caught my complete attention.

"What are you doing, Jema? Do you think you can just get back from...who knows where and do this?"
Jema... you never called me that. But wait, what is Ella talking about.

"What do you mean?" I questioned confused whyI am the one who's being blamed for something.

"I'm talking about the fact that you have no right to do this to me again! You ran away from our wedding and what now? you found out that I'm getting married and decided to play more? I'm having none of it!" with unreasonable amount of strength Ella pushed me through the door.

Before Ella smashed the doors into my face I noticed her eyes full of tears "I don't need another break up letter from you!"with that I had to back out or the strength of the door would have broken my nose.

I stood few more seconds trying to gather my thoughts and understand what Ella was talking about. My Ella who kissed with the same passion like before, my Ella who cried when she saw me, I want to scream in frustration so someone, anyone would tell me what her words means! I have never written any letter to her, especially not a break up letter. What does it mean? Why instead of getting answers after coming her I got even more questions?

From the last stare Ella gave me I doubt she going to tell me anything. But I need to ask around, someone will know what all of this means.

つづく。。。