The Rule of Succession

Chapter Fourteen

A/N. Reviews!

"Thanks for the update! I love how he just casually says all of the to sally as if he confessed to stealing a cookie from the cookie jar... Percy Jackson things ig" -Sankarea396

Yeah, she's used to his shenanigans at this point, and he knows it lmao.

"For some reason I'm getting Supernatural (the show) vibes from his story especially when Azazel was mentioned. Amazing chapter as always though." -GokuBlackSSJR14

Interesting. Azazel did appear in it, right? Unless I'm misremembering it. It's been a while since I watched it, and i stopped a couple episodes into season 6.

"His pain began to numb as he allowed himself to get wet again. The water washed the pain away. His vision slowly came back. He lifted his head to see the green grass underneath him.

He let out a breath as he slowly got to his knees. His breath was heavy as he sat there, listening to the falling rain and rumbling thunder. It felt different now though. The thunder seemed aggressive, somehow.

He got to his feet and looked around. There was a figure in the distance, down the path. They slowly got closer. As Percy's vision finally healed itself completely, he could make out some of the person's features. He was tall, taller than Percy. He had the same black hair and sea green eyes. However his hair was starting to gray. His black beard was starting to grow ragged, not much, but it could quickly become wild if left unkept. He wore green armor with his trident strapped across his back.

He stopped in front of Percy. He smiled grimly at his son.

"Father, what are you doing here? Why are you wearing your armor? Does this have to do with the storm?" He asked. He stayed in the doorway, not wanting to come any closer.

Poseidon raised a hand to calm Percy. "Your Uncle and I..." he started. He spoke slowly, like he was choosing his words very carefully. He looked up at the ceiling. "Your uncle and I aren't exactly agreeing right now."

Thunder rumbled outside as a bright flash of lightning lit up the dark room. Poseidon's eyes flicked to the window quickly. He looked back at Percy. "We're at war. Have been for the past few days."

...

What the fuck happened in this scene? There's as continuity error. They are suddenly teleporting around from being outside to indoors. I thought I was going nuts. I had to go back and re-read it three times." -XXxxxadisxxxXX

Yeah... funnily enough, that error actually occurred BECAUSE I edited that chapter. While editing I decide to move some stuff around, and using cut and paste, leaving us with that.

"Every single damn character in this from the ground up feels contrived as hell. There is nothing shown of their actual character before flip-flopping between crazy extremes for no apparent reason. I like the basic concept of this a lot, but this opening kills this story before it can even begin for me. There are so many damn little holes all over it that just shoot the thing dead. I could go into detail here ripping the character descriptions, their actions, and the dialogue apart, but it isn't worth the time or me getting angry over it. I'm going to leave this short and sweet.

Keep writing. I genuinely think you could have something here if just a little more thought and work were put into the creation of it. It's almost at the point of being something I'd genuinely enjoy. The English is readable. The concept is new and interesting. The parts I mentioned above though just make this unreadable for me. If you keep working at writing stories, I think you'll write an absolute banger one day. Almost all the pieces are there. They just need a little more work.