Tattered Wings

Episode 6

"Girl, cmon, there's so much to show you." Nesta said with a sharp smile. I nodded, and she began to lead me through the library, showing me some of the upper levels, some of her favorite books (questionable taste) and introducing me to so many people I already forgot most of their names.

"But don't worry. This is a safe place for females. There's... A special type of people that are down here, from what I've heard, I think you'll fit in." Nesta said, not clarifying anything else. I've been deathly silent the entire time, not sure what to even do, how to act, how to blend in.

"If your ever bored, and need to work... Over here is a very... Very, large pile of books that need to be sorted." She sighed. She wasn't kidding when she said large pile. It went all the way up to the ceiling, and then some.

"We sort books alphabetically by authors name. if you ever need help, most of us are more than happy to help." She said. Most?

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The next two weeks I spent most of my time in the library. I still went on my daily walks with Azriel, though we didn't say much, I enjoyed it. I loved most though was organizing the books. I found my own rhythm, and worked to it. If I was focused enough, even some of the voices in my head were quiet, though that was rare.

"Do you want to go out into the city?" Feyre asked me as I walked into living room. I froze.

"I've... Never been to a city before... Or... Been near so many people." I said hesitantly, my right wing twitching nervously.

"I'll be with you the entire time. The moment you say so I'll winnowed us back here." She said. I looked out the window to the city below me. There were so many people. Too many. But part of me wanted to see it. I've never seen such bustling life before. I nodded yes.

Color. Music. Food. Laughter. Dancing. It filled the air. I stayed practically glued to Feyre's side as she slowly walked me through the streets, my eyes almost hurt from the amount of bright colors I was seeing and the different smells giving me a headache, I've never experienced anything like this.

"Cmon, do you want to try some food?" She asked me. I looked around fearfully. Too much going on. There was too much. I didn't know what to think, I couldn't think. Feyre must've sensed my overwhelming emotions, and took that as a no.

"I can always bring us back. Just say the word." She said soft, but firmly, putting her hand on mine.

No.

I had to keep pushing forward. If I want to get over my fears, this was only the first step. I continued walking forward, my feet feeling like lead. Someone brushed against me, their hand touching my back. I freezed up. My mind went back, back to the time where I was enslaved by my father, used and beat by him and his friends. How they would ksy my down and whip my back and wings till I sobbed.

I turned to tell Feyre to get me home, but a rush of fairies stormed through, separating both of us. I looked around frantically.

no no no no no no!

I was lost. Feyre was gone. I began running for my life. I was weak, yes, but the adrenaline pumped through me, forcing me to go faster than I have before.

I kept running till I made it down an alleyway with a dead end.

"No no no no no!" I began to cry, panicking even more. I'm trapped. I'm stuck. It was only a matter of time before someone found me and hauled me away. Darkness began to swarm around my as I cried. Small flames sputtering in my hands and around me as I grew even more in my panic attack.

They're going to kill us if they find us. They're going to use us till were dead. They'll torture us like the others did.

They're coming for us

They're coming for you

Kill them all.

I screamed as darkness became like a tornado around me mixed with black flame. I heard screaming, though I wasn't sure if it was mine or the city folk. My knees buckled as I began hystericaly screaming out like a wounded animal.

"Y/N!" I heard someone yell. I couldn't focus. There was so much going on. I was going to get kidnapped again. I could already feel their filthy hands on my body, using me to their liking. The way they forced themselves, pushing me around, passing me as if I was done object that they would-

"Y/N" I heard someone yell again, though my vision was blurred through tears as I sat inside my dark fire storm, sobbing.

Then a hand on my shoulder. I wanted to shrivel up at the touch, but before I could they winnowed me out of the city. Instead of hard stone beneath my feet laid damp and soft grass. The storm continued to work around me. I heard someone calling my name, I managed to open my eyes, and saw Azriel's gaze meeting my own.

Darkness surrounded me, but it wasn't my own. It felt warm, and I'm sure it wasn't because of my fire. Slowly, his darkness surrounded me, before completely vanishing, along with my dark clouds.

"Your safe. Your in control. Look at me, up here y/n... Y/n, look at me." Azriel said, keeping his hands on my shoulders. I just cried, staring down at the ground.

"Did I hurt anyone?" Was the only thing I could manage to say in-between sobs.

He sighed, through I could tell he wasn't frustrated- hopefully.

"No y/n, everyone is safe." He whispered gently. I kept crying. Crying, and crying, and crying. I felt pathetic, weak.

"Last time I was with that many people was my camp." I found myself saying. I have no clue why I told him this, why I'm even saying it out loud, but for some reason I did. He didn't question me, his gaze didn't even falter as he didn't push me to talk more.

"Wasn't Feyre with you?" He asked.

"She was, but a crowd of fairies rushed over, and we got separated, and I started running and panicking the darkness came than I was crying then flames and then everything was dark as-"

"Y/n, y/n, it's okay, breathe." He said gently. "you don't have to explain to me."  I didn't even realize it but I was going into another panic attack. I wanted to explain to him, felt like I had to, but I had no idea how.

I felt the gently breeze flow against my back, making my wings shutter. How I yearned to fly. I took a deep breath in, closing my eyes as I tried to calm myself while I silently cried. I thought about how I use to fly though the night with my mother. How I would weave through the trees, enjoying the thrill. I savored that memory.

"How did you find me?" I asked after a minute, finally calming down.

"Well, I was in patrol when I saw a large black storm appear in the central market." He said bluntly. "Then I found you, inside, of said black fire storm."

Oh. . .

Well that's embarrassing.

I turned to survey my surroundings. I was by a cliff, trees scattering around the place as the sun began to set and the moon rise. Velaris was below me, but not a soul could see me. The wind was strong, I enjoyed it up here.

I am in control. I am in control. I am in control. I repeated the steady mantra in my head over and over.

I let my long hair whip wildly in the wind, but I didn't mind. I looked up and saw a few stars start to come out. Just the sight of it alone started to calm me. I stretched my right wing as much as I could, envisioning myself flying as I took deep breaths and steadied myself, letting the wind blow through me.

"No matter what, look to the stars. I'll be watching you through them. Call to them in need of help."

My mother told me that as some of her dying words. I looked up at the stars that started to break through the suns setting piercing light. I was so focused on my thoughts and the stars, I didn't even notice Azriel watching me. 

"Y/n, do you want to fly?"