Tattered Wings

Episode 11

I don't how how but I winnowed. I collapsed on the cliff where he took me to look at the meteor shower and I cried. He knew.
He knew everything.
I sat there in stunned silence as I let the tears silently roll down my cheeks. I don't know how long I was there, but the sun started to come out from behind the mountain.

I would learn to defend myself. I would be better. I don't want to rely on anyone or be weak, I can't let someone get hurt because of me.

I carefully unwrapped my wings, they had fully healed by now, I hadn't used them in over 60 years. I stood at the very edge, unfurling my right wing, and carefully, stretching my left one. It took an immense effort just to lift it off of the ground. The wind helped guide me, my right wing was open wide while I slowly stretched my left one, wincing at the soreness and stiffness. I managed to get my wing half open.

I tried winnowing again, but it didn't work.
Damnit.
I'm gunna have to walk all the way back to the city.
I began walking down, stretching my wing out, back and forth repeatedly until it wasn't as sore.

It took a few hours, and damn was I out of shape. Right as I got into the house again Rhys rushed towards me.

"Where were you?!" He yelled. I flinched, immediately jumping a few feet back.

"I-I was a-at the cliff over the city" I said quickly, I hated it when people yelled at me. It reminded me of the camp and my father.

"And why were you there?" He asked, calming down but still obviously mad.

"I accidentally winnowed there and had to walk back." I said quickly.

Please don't be mad please don't be mad

He sighed, running a hand through his dark hair.

"We thought you were gone again. That you had been kidnapped." He sighed. I realized he wasn't mad, he was scared, worried.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly. I saw his brows furrow.

"Your wings... Are they..?"

"I can move them. I can't fly, I can only stretch my left one out a little." I said, spreading my right wing out fully but my left one barely dragging above the ground.

"I can have you train with Azriel if you wanted to-"

"No no no!" I quickly said, sounding more panicked and desperate than I intended. I cleared my throat and stepped back.

"No, that won't be necessary." I said calmly while Rhys looked at me with a confused look.

"Did you and Azriel-"

"Sorry for worrying you. I'll be in the library." I said quickly before speed walking away. I could feel his stare burning the back of my head but I kept walking.

"Hey Nesta, id like to take you up on that offer." I said as I put a book on the shelf next to her. "Madja said I still need two days to make sure my wings are fully healed, but I want to start on training with you and Cassion." I explained.

"Perfect! I can swing by your room and pick you up in two days, then I can show you where we'll train."

*
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*

I swung my knife around, the one I had taken earlier fitting snugly in my hand as I practiced the few moves I knew. I had already requested Feyre to bring me a sewing kit- no questions asked. I don't want her to know I shredded the curtains playing with my new knife.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say that curtain is dead." A voice chuckled from behind me. I whirled around, pointing my knife at Azriel's throat. He gently pushed it to the side with one finger, acting as if I almost didn't just kill him.

"Crap, I'm so sorry" I said quickly as I put my knife down, freaking out because I literally held a knife to his throat. He just chuckled. I missed that sound, his voice.

"I heard you took Nesta up on her offer of training. And, that you denied wanting help with flying." He said, eyeing my wings.

"Why don't you want my help?"

I knew that's what he would ask.

"I know how to fly- I just haven't done it in a long time." I said, trying to brush it off.

"No... No no... I heard what you said to Rhys. You just don't want me around."

"I don't want to remind you of your mistakes." I said, holding his gaze. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have some things I need to practice and-"

"That's not what I mean y/n and you know it." I've never heard him use that tone before. Now I've really pissed him off. I wonder what my last words will be.

"Then tell me. What did you mean?" Yep. I was for sure dead. My last words will be pathetic like the rest of me.

"I couldn't stand seeing you hurt!" He yelled, but for some reason I wasn't scared like I was with Rhys. "You don't know what you do to me, y/n. Seeing you hurt like that drove me insane. Insane, and I took it all out on your father because I care-". His voice faltered and he stopped talking.

"Because I hated seeing you like that. I was weak y/n. But I shouldn't have left you."

"I... I was harsh, and... I overreacted." I managed to say. "I was mad at you and I twisted your words around. I'm sorry."

"Y/n..." He sounded like he wanted to say something else but just sighed, both of us quiet for a moment.

"Will you let me help you learn to fly again?" He asked, and a smile came onto my face.

"Always."

*
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*

I hate training.

We're only a few minutes in and my muscles already burned.

"Balance, gosh... On your toes, TOES! that's not your toes." Cassion sighed. I had no clue what he was talking about.

"My muscles hurt, can't we do this-"

"Good, they should be hurting. Hold that position." Cassion huffed. Azriel watched from a distance, I couldn't see it but I just knew he was smirking.

For an hour and a half we worked on balance, whatever tf that was supposed to be. I don't know. The only think I do know is that I do not want to be doing this again.

I have basically zero control of my powers... Hell, I barely even know what my powers are.

"Your balance is coming along way quicker than I anticipated. Pfft, you should've seen Emerie when she first started-"

"Nesta!" Emerie said quickly while Nesta laughed.

"Sorry ladies, but I need to take Y/n now." I groaned as Azriel smirked next to me. My feet were already killing me, I had a feeling whatever he planned would not be fun.

"Good luck Y/n." Emerie said.

"She doesn't need luck!" Gwyn quickly said over Emerie.

"She needs a miracle." Nesta sighed.