Tattered Wings

Episode 10

I spent more time in the library. It's been two days since I left my room. Five days since I last saw Azriel.

"Hey Y/n!" I heard a voice from behind, startling me. I almost dropped my book as I turned around seeing Nesta.

"Hey Nesta" I said. "W-what brings you around here?" I asked.

"I was thinking, once you were healed, did you want to train to be a Valkyrie? I talked with my mate and he said you already know some of the basics." Nesta said. I blinked.

What the fuck is a Valkyrie.

Sensing my apprehension and confusion, Nesta laughed softly before explaining.

"Valkyrie's are basically women soldiers. And if you trained with us you'd get to learn defensive training, should you ever get attacked again." My body stiffened.

"Don't worry, you won't get attacked again, Rhys has made sure of that" Nesta reassured quickly.
"And it would also give you a chance to learn more of your powers. You have shadows and darkness right? You might have more magic too." Nesta said. 

"Would I be training with Illyrian soldiers?" I asked hesitantly. My father has encouraged beatings, and the Illyrian soldiers seemed to enjoy it when they caught me sneaking out.

"Just Cassion. Me and a few other girls will be there too." Nesta reassured.

I thought about it for a while. While learning self defense could be beneficial, training with an Illyrian soldier brought back memories I did like.

"Will Azriel be there?"

"He sometimes pops by, but mostly Cassion....think about it. You don't have to answer right away." Nesta said. She stayed with me for a other hour, both of us making idle chatter before she eventually left.

It's been two days. All I felt right now was rage. Towards Azriel. How could he not visit me?! I've tried asking where he is but he's avoiding me. Me?! What did I do? Wasn't my fault I got kidnapped.

I woke up again with another nightmare. I needed fresh air, to get out of the room that suddenly felt too small.

I walked through the hallways till I found some steps that led outside. I climbed up, sitting on part of a slanted roof, feeling the breeze through my bandages wings. They were taking the longest to heal, my broken hands were already healed, it was just my wings now.

"Couldn't sleep?" I turned and saw Azriel walking up, before he sat down beside me.

"So now you'll talk to me?" I said coldly, not meeting his gaze as I turned my head straight forward towards the city below me.

"Y/n..." He sighed, running a hand through his dark hair. "it's not like that... It's just-"

"Just what. You rescued me, saw me naked and left me all by myself?! Yeah. Yeah I'm sure it's nothing. Just one of the people I trusted most left." You growled, standing up and jumping down to the ground off of the roof.

"Y/n wait" Azriel said, quickly following me as I began to storm the palace grounds, not caring if Azriel was trying to get my attention. He reached for my hand but I yanked it away, not seeing the hurt expression on his face. He left me. He saw me in my most vulnerable state then left me.

"Please, just listen to me-" Azriel said as he stepped Infront of me. Fucking hell. What does he want from me.

"What, Azriel." I snapped, not caring how rude or harsh I sounded.

"You didn't tell me that the general was your father."

I stilled. How did he know, I didn't tell him that. I looked up, finally meeting his gaze. Hurt. That's all I saw.

"I didn't think it was important." I said, my voice sounding a lot less confident than I intended.

"Fuck... Y/n, of course that's important, it's your father!"

"And he's not important to me. Case in point?" I snapped.

"I've been interrogating him, for the past four days." He sighed. "I finally got him to tell me what he did to you... You didn't tell me... You didn't even tell me the surface of what he did to you." Azriel said.

He knew. 

He knew what happened to me. I told him a little bit and was vague on purpose, but now he knew.

"He... How much did he tell you?" I asked, my voice shaking as I willed my tears back.

"... Enough... He told me enough." Azriel said.

I looked down at the ground, a tear slipping. We were both silent for a moment. Hurt. Anger. Pain. I didn't know what to feel.

"Is that why you never visited me... Because of my father?" I finally asked, unable to hide the break in my voice.

"I'm sorry y/n... once he started talking, I had to stay, and get every bit of information out of him. But that's not the only reason I never visited you." He said quietly. I looked up, not bothering to hide the pain I felt in my eyes as he held my tearful gaze.

"I couldn't... I couldn't stand seeing you hurt like that again. I stayed by your side till you woke up, and seeing the damage that was done, how I failed to save you... I couldn't stand it. Everytime I looked at you I see how I failed you, I see muly mistakes, that's why, y/n." Azriel said.

I stood there, shell shocked. Frozen. Everytime he looked at me he saw his mistakes?!

"Go away Azriel. Don't look at me anymore if the sight of me hurts you so much." I said quietly, letting the tears fall.

"Y/n it's not like that, I'm sorry I left you. I see now how big of a mistake I made, I'm sorry y/n, let me make this right and-"

"No need Azriel. I'm fine." You said, stepping away from him.

"Thank you for saving me, really. I'd be dead if it weren't for you. But I don't want to be around if all I do is hurt you." I said quietly. I turned and ran. I ran and ran, I could what him behind me.

"Y/n wait-" he touched my shoulder, and I winnowed.