Cecîndei: Zeița Frumuseții

Prologue

Why does love make you vulnerable to pain? Can we just love without pain? No, that's impossible. Love without pain is like a dawn without sun, a dusk without moon; a yin without a yang. Those are always reciprocating with each other— making our affections more deep, special, and stronger. That's what I tasted, what I experienced years ago.

It's really beautiful to love and to be loved. Your mind will crystallize, your body will gleam, your soul will revitalize. That feeling will always remain my precious treasure. Never am I exchanging that in any expensive things in this world.

However.... I didn't know love can also be destructive, especially when obsession overtakes. You will do everything just for what? To acknowledge your presence? To reciprocate your feelings? Even if you experience excruciating pain?

That's an absolute stupidity at its finest!

Wait, is pain really the right term to define what you feel? What's worse than pain, anyway? Fear? That's it. Fear is way worse than pain. Fear is an indicator of vulnerability and pain is the consequence. Yes, you are unable to experience pain without doing anything. While fear develops from the uncertainty of whether you are going to receive more or absolutely nothing at all, plus the idea of losing everything you have.

Being in a state of fear gradually takes over your heart, emotions, and thinking, causing you to act in a way that avoids clear of the particular thing you're afraid of.

What are you afraid of Khloe? Why are you doing all of this? Are you afraid to lose everything you have? No, I don't think so, because what you're doing right now is already losing everything you have in yourself.

They say suffering can serve as a great teacher for understanding. Then why do you have nothing to learn at all? Perhaps suffering is not part of your vocabulary.

I've been standing here, sa harap ng malaking establisyementong ito. Just thinking kung bakit nagpapakabaliw ang step-sister ko sa walang k'wentang lalaki na iyon. Actually thirty minutes na akong nakatayo rito. Men are already staring at me. Honestly, I don't care if tignan pa nila ako nang tignan. As long as they don't do anything stupid to me, it's fine.

Sanay naman na akong tignan, though.

Bodillo's Reverie.

The name of this famous bar here in Manila. The letter is glowing and big, kahit na malayo ka you can see it. Bar is not my cup of tea... partly. Okay, sometimes it is. But it depends on my moods. Bibihira lang naman ako nagpupunta sa bar. Then why am I here? Susunduin ko lang ang gaga kong step-sister.

"Hi. Want me to accompany you, babe?"

The guy suddenly appeared in front of me. I uninterestedly look at him, not even bother to examine his outfit.

"No, thanks." I said impassively.

I started to gracefully move my feet towards the entrance leaving the gorgeous man behind. I admit it, g'wapo naman talaga siya. I am not a liar, 'no. Hindi ako magpapabebe para lang ipagkaila ang totoo. I will say what I see. And give a compliment if someone deserves it.

I'm not in the mood to entertain that's why I just ignored him. I am here for a reason and it happened to be not that one.

I saw in my peripheral view how men were ogling at me. Some of them already have a girl beside them. Gosh, men! Men will always be men.

Nang makarating na ako sa entrance, the music became louder and the screams of exhilaration became clearer. The bouncer genuinely smiled at me, then manly motioned his hand as if inviting me inside. I smiled as well and said thank you afterwards.