Forbidden Freedom

Chapter 16

Three years ago

French Alps. Harmony Springs Renewal Youth Wellness Institute.

Wrapped warmly in my hoodie, I trudge through the bushes on shaky legs. My soul feels empty, my mind is a blank slate, and there's a sting disgustingly beneath my cotton pajama pants. These, along with a few bruises on my arms, are the only reminders of my meeting with Ethan.

I left before he could come to his senses. As soon as he finished, I jumped to my feet, dressed quickly, and walked away without a backward glance at his heaving body sprawled on the grass beneath the tree. I thought I was heading towards the dorm where my room is, but I ended up near other bushes by the river. My head is in a fog.

Taking a deep breath in and out, I close my eyes. I squat and dip my hands into the churning, perpetually cold mountain water. I wash my face, rinsing away the dried salty tracks from my cheeks.

I stay like this for several minutes, trying to dig deep into my soul, but nothing happens. Not a flicker of emotion. I was just taken by force, and I feel... nothing. Is this a side effect of not taking my medication?

It's strange. Before meeting Ethan today, I was highly sensitive to every little thing. It is easy to upset me now, and hiding my little secret stash of discarded pills in the mattress slit is becoming more difficult.

But now, it feels as if I've been injected with them intravenously. I feel absolutely nothing. Well, to hell with it.

I stand up and head towards the dorm, guided by the exterior lights on its walls. As I pass the cursed tree, Ethan is nowhere to be seen. Judging by the faint light in his window, he went to bed as if nothing happened.

Tiptoeing, I approach the downspout on the wall, which leads directly to my room's window. Slipping on the wet bricks with my slipper-socks, I climb up to the windowsill and slip through the slightly open window.

My room greets me with oppressive silence and utter loneliness. Only now do the emotions start to hit me, delayed but powerful.

I've been used again, and I let it happen.

Jeff, Liam, and now Ethan. It feels like I'm cursed with a series of failures. Men brought me here, and I keep stumbling over the same pitfalls. But Ethan... He seems entirely different. Unlike Jeff or Liam. Ethan knows what he wants; he's charismatic and authoritative, not a coward. Unlike some...

Why is life so unfair? I furiously wipe the unbidden tears from my cheeks.

Sleep is out of the question, so after a few minutes of aimless pacing, I carefully crack open the door and peek into the corridor. It's well past midnight, so the rounds are long finished, and the nurses have retired to their rooms.

Our psychiatric facility doesn't even have a vending machine with chocolate bars, which are sorely missed, especially when coming off drugs. But I know of a stash, a secret spot Josie told me about.

My plan goes off without a hitch: I easily slip into the nurses' room and swipe two bags of sour gummies from the box beneath the metal changing lockers.

As I approach my room, I'm practically skipping, losing my vigilance in my excitement. That's why the arm reaching out from the doorway catches me off guard.

Someone grabs my wrist and pulls me into my room, covering my mouth with a hand from behind. Panic subsides only when I catch the familiar scent of cherry cigarillos.

"You're too reckless, mon cheri," Ethan whispers, his breath hot against my ear. "What if someone had caught you?"

"What are you doing here?" I hiss once he finally releases me. I throw the bags of candy onto the bed and close the door, so no one hears us.

"Came to check on you," Ethan says, leaning casually against the wall, watching intently as I open the pack and pop three candies into my mouth.

"Check on me?" I mumble around the mouthful. "How do you think I am after what you did?"

Ethan frowns and drops to his knees between my legs, his hands gently stroking my hips.

"Mon cheri, I thought you liked those games," his eyes radiate such warmth and sincerity that I start to melt inside. "You were so hot, my dear."

I shove more candies into my mouth, trying to process his words. The pleasant sour taste of bubble gum envelops my tongue, and I can't help but hum in pleasure. The chewing and the rising glucose levels help me relax.

"My best girl," he says, taking my hand, licking the sour crumbs off my fingers, and pressing my palm to his cheek. "I'll be gentler next time."

There's not a hint of insincerity in his voice. The phrase "next time" reverberates in my head. The realization that he wants to be with me again fills me with such exhilaration that I feel butterflies in my stomach.

"Want to share?" Ethan points to the open pack in my hands. I nod silently, unable to speak.

Ethan sits beside me, wraps an arm around my shoulders, and pulls me close, resting my head against his chest. His heart beats steadily under my ear, calming and relaxing me. He kisses each finger on my hand every time I bring a gummy to his lips. I've never felt so needed and desired.

It feels like this is the best night of my life.