Forbidden Freedom

Chapter 14

Three years ago

French Alps. Harmony Springs Renewal Youth Wellness Institute.

"Who are your parents?" I ask the next question, now left in just my pajama pants thanks to the whims of this dark-haired freak.

I wonder if Ethan had other girls at the Harmony Springs before me. Did he play this same game under this tree with anyone else? He's been here for a year. Surely, he had a girlfriend. Guys at twenty are usually consumed by their desires. They only have one thing on their mind—sex.

"Does it matter who my parents are?" Ethan asks, nervously smoothing down his greasy black hair.

"I want to know you better," I shrug, casually covering my bare chest.

The cool breeze bites at the sensitive skin of my nipples and tangles my dry, dyed hair. Ethan's gaze is inescapable, and I try to maintain my posture, hiding my shyness as best as I can. If I want him to be dependent on me, I can't show any weakness. I need to be as ruthless as my best friend Sophie was when she decided to hook up with my father.

If she managed to charm him, then I can bind Ethan to me just the same.

"My parents are British businessmen," he clicks his tongue, closing his eyes as if talking about them bores him.

"Do you have problems with them?" I ask naively, thinking I might get closer to him by sharing stories about my own parents.

Ethan clenches and unclenches his fists, his gaze fixed on me. He hunches over more, as if trying to retreat into himself. I feel an unbearable sorry for him. Did his parents hurt him so badly that he reacts so intensely to such an innocent question?

"Don't worry," I reach out and place my hand on his knee, covered in his usual sweatpants. "I really understand you. My parents aren't saints either. Especially my dad," I nervously giggle.

Blake doesn't react to my words, making me doubt my actions. I jerkily pull my trembling hand from his knee and try to find my hoodie, which is somewhere behind me on the grass.

"Did you decide to play therapist and dig into my brain?" Ethan hisses. His voice is so quiet that it's almost impossible to hear over the wind.

A shiver runs down my spine, forcing me to move back from Ethan as he straightens his shoulders.

"I didn't mean it like that," I barely swallow the lump in my throat.

My fingers finally touch something soft, and I grab my hoodie with relief. I awkwardly throw it over my shoulders and stand up on shaky legs. The wind blows the hem of my hoodie, making me shiver from the now unbearable cold.

Blake's icy gaze finishes me off. I feel like the Titanic, about to crash into an iceberg, fully aware of the fatality of the situation.

My desire to be a femme fatale in front of Ethan shatters into tiny pieces when he grabs my ankle and pulls me towards him. I slip on the wet grass and land hard on my tailbone. A short yelp escapes my lips, immediately stifled by Ethan's hand covering my mouth.

"Never do anything I haven't allowed," Ethan growls in sync with the wind, which becomes even more furious.

The leaves swirl around us, driven by the gusts. They whip against my cheeks, which immediately become wet from unbidden tears.

"Let me go," I beg as his hand slides from my mouth and moves lower.

He explores the delicate skin of my neck and then pushes the edges of my hoodie aside. His cold fingers trace the curve of my breast and pinch my nipple painfully. I writhe under his weight, but I can't move an inch. His touch sends shivers across my stomach as his fingers tug at the waistband of my pants. I flinch when he grabs the edge of my panties, trying to tear them. The cotton fabric resists, enraging him, and he bites my chin hard.

I press my palms against his chest, trying to push him away, but he doesn't budge. I don't want our first time to be like this. I can't help but remember my very first sexual experience. Even though it was consensual, it was so painful after, as if a giant hole was burned into my soul.

"Ethan, please," I whimper, kicking my legs.

"Shut up," Ethan growls, squeezing my thighs with his knees until it hurts. "Be a good girl, and everything will be fine."

He lowers his pants, freeing his erection and pressing the warm tip against my stomach. I shudder and turn my head away, unable to look at his rage-twisted face.

Pain shoots through my wrists from the tension, and I realize it's easier to give in. My hands fall limply to my sides, and every cell in my body starts to relax.

My mind shuts down, forcing my vision to focus on a lone young leaf growing straight out of the thick trunk of the tree. It trembles with each gust of wind but stands firm and remains in his place.

I don't feel anything that Ethan is doing to my body. Like that leaf, I twitch reflexively in response to his movements. There's no pain, no disgust, no sadness. Just numbness.

This isn't how I imagined our first time together. I thought it would be entirely different.