BLOCKED

2

I told this girl 3. Why the fuck is it 3:45 and she still not here.

I was tempted to unblock her and text her but I stopped myself. I don't want no parts.

I texted Maddie instead and she said Ari asked for my address hours ago after cussing her out for having it in the first place.

Haha.

"Mane I swear I hate people". I mumbled making my way to the bathroom.

I turned the shower on and connected my phone to my speakers.

Lose control by Teddy Swims filled my ears as I stripped down and hopped in the shower.

"Out of my mind, how many times

Did I tell you I'm no good at bein' alone?

Yeah, it's takin' a toll on me, tryin' my best to keep

From tearin' the skin off my bones, don't you know" I sang along as I scrubbed my body.

I swayed and sung along hoping this would be one of the last times I felt like this.

Like I needed her.

She didn't need or want me so why did I almost yearn for her.

Pieces of myself shattered and scattered trying to find where they belong.

"I lose control

When you're not next to me (when you're not here with me)

I'm fallin' apart right in front of you, can't you see?

I lose control

When you're not next to me, mm-hm

Yeah, you're breakin' my heart, baby

You make a mess of me" I sang as the tears started flowing.

Why did she have to cheat. She could have just left. It wouldn't have hurt as much.

Feeling like someone else was picked over you feels worse then just not being wanted.

At least to me.

I was used to not being wanted. My parents gave me up and I spent my whole life being tossed from foster home to foster home.

It wasn't until I was 13 that I felt loved and wanted for the first time.

Sarah Simon was her name and she was the only mother I've ever known. From the day I was placed with her she let it be known that I wasn't just some object to be thrown from house to house.

I was a child of God and I deserve to be loved just as much as anyone else.

She showed me what it was like to be cared for genuinely and to not want anything in return.

Only six months into her fostering me she applied to adopt me and six months after that I was known as Aliyah Simon, daughter of Sarah Simone.

I loved my mother with everything in me and I cherished everyday with her like it was my last.

Not knowing that it would be sooner rather then later.

4 months before my high-school graduation she got really sick and had to be hospitalized.

Turns out she was born with a bad heart and after years of trying different medications and drug trials it started to give out.

Her condition progressed fast and she died 2 days before my graduation.

Again I was all alone but the feeling of being unwanted was far from my heart.

It was something I knew all to well so I knew it had no place in my heart when my mother died because she choose me.