Lying to Ourselves

24. The sun

***Bonus chapter! Enjoy :)***

It was late. She could hear the rain pattering against the windowpane and watched as the frigid droplets transformed the glow from the orange streetlamp across the street into patterns on their bedroom ceiling.

Tomorrow, they leave for Spain, back to the fight, the mission, and Beatrice was dreading it. But they've had a week together, Mother Superion had at least allowed that, and in that week, they had reconnected in all ways. Well, all ways except one. She still didn't really know what happened to Ava on the Otherside.

Beatrice had pried little into Ava's experience, not because she didn't want to know, but more because even the slightest mention of that period had Ava clamping up.

It was obvious she's traumatized. Every night came with a nightmare. Sometimes they were mild, Ava might twitch or whine, and Beatrice would be quick to comfort her, soothing the Halo bearer back into a dreamless sleep. Other times though, they were violent. Ava thrashing brutally in her sleep, screams tearing at her throat, until Beatrice could shake her back into reality.

It had led to a strange sleeping pattern for the sister warrior. She often napped in the early afternoon and evening, head on Ava's lap while the Halo bearer watched all manner of trashy reality TV, only to spend the wee hours of the morning awake as a silent vigil over the other woman's slumber. Nothing could stop the dreaded march of the terrors that lived in the dark recesses of Ava's mind, not even Beatrice holding her tight, but at least when the sister warrior was awake to see the subtle signs of an impending nightmare, she could try to head it off before it spiraled.

"...don't." It was a whisper into the darkness, so quiet that Beatrice could barely hear it over the rain. "Please, don't."

Ava's body twitched. She was facing away from the sister warrior, her back pressed into Beatrice's side. It was a common way for Ava to sleep when not clinging to her, the solid warmth at her back must give her a sense of safety.

Beatrice rolled over carefully, she didn't want to startle the Halo bearer awake; she had done once before and nearly received a Halo blast to the face, there were still char marks on her bedside table.

"Ava?" Beatrice whispered, gently brushing the hair away from Ava's face. "Darling... It's just a dream. You're safe."

For a long moment, Ava was quiet, but Beatrice knew it wasn't over. She could feel the Halo bearer's thundering heart through her back.

Suddenly she flinched violently, the duvet thrown half off her. "Don't kill her, please don't kill her!"

Beatrice propped herself up on her elbow and threw her right arm over the woman beside her. Ava's voice was hoarse with pain and fear, the only other time she'd heard such volume to her cries had led to brutal thrashing, leaving both of them covered in bruises. Beatrice grit her teeth. She didn't want to, but she would hold Ava down if it meant she wouldn't hurt herself.

"Ava..." Beatrice's lips were against the Halo bearer's ear now, "you're safe, I promise you're safe. I've got you, I'm here." She repeated it over and over like a mantra, trying to sooth the stressed incoherent mutters now tearing from Ava's lips.

"No!" Ava snarled, venom unlike anything Beatrice had heard from her before dripping from. The Halo bearer went rigid in Beatrice's arms and the sister warrior steeled herself against what could quite be an onslaught of thrashing to escape.

"DON'T!"

Tears squeezed from her eyes, shut tight as she buried her face into Ava's hair praying it would be over soon.