"Real sweet, but I wish you were sober."

Chapter 1.

Juno's pov:

It's currently 2am. I hear the doorbell ring and I instantly know it's him again. I squeeze my eyes shut and stop the tears from forming in my eyes. I drag myself out of bed, down the stairs and to the front door. When I open the door I see the lovely face I fell in love with 2 years ago. His eyes are bloodshot red, sad and tired. He doesn't say a single word. He just stumbles towards me and tiredly places his arms around me. I sigh and wrap my arms around his neck, softly petting his hair to comfort him.

"Babe... this can't go on like this...". I whisper softly. I hear him sigh but he doesn't say a single word. I want to help him, but i don't know how. I don't even know why he acts the way he does. I haven't seen him sober in about 2 months now. The only time i get to see him is late at night when he's drunk or high. This isn't the Gray i want to love and adore. I let go of him and grab his hand to drag him up the stairs with me to my bedroom. When he flops down on my bed he immediately breaks down sobbing. I just stand there, looking down at him, completely lost and terrified.

"Im so sorry." He whimpers quietly. I lean down and settle on the floor next to my bed and start petting his hair again in order to comfort him. I softly kiss his hair and he looks up at me with teary eyes. The pain in his eyes stabs me right through my heart. I feel tears prickling in my eyes but i try to stay strong for him.
"It's gonna be okay baby..." I whisper softly to him. He breaks down in tears again and all I can do is hug him and comfort him as much as I can.

I end up falling asleep on the floor next to my bed. When i open my eyes again, Gray is gone. I'd like to act surprised but i knew this would happen. This has been a pattern for the last 2 months. He comes to my house high or drunk, cries, stays the night and leaves in the morning without telling me anything. I sigh and get up to start my day. When i stand up off the floor my head in spinning and i almost faint. The entire day goes by in a flash. Ever since this thing with Gray started I haven't been able to sleep properly. I'm failing most of my classes aswel, because my head is filled with nothing but worry for Gray.

When i arrive home again my heart stops. I notice Gray, laying on my front porch, asleep or passed out. I quickly start sprinting towards where he's laying. I throw all my stuff on the floor and start shaking him back and forth trying to wake him up. I hear him grumble and slowly open his eyes. I let out a sigh of relief, glad to know he was just asleep and not passed out. I lift up his eyelids to check if he's on anything but to my surprise.... his pupils are normal and his eyes aren't bloodshot red. I pause for a second looking down at him as he slowly opens his eyes and looks up at me. He places his hands on my cheeks and his eyes fill with tears.

"You're actually here..." he whispers in total disbelief. "Of course I'm here this is my house." I say slightly annoyed by his behavior. He looks at me and his face turns even more sad than it was before. "A-are you mad..?" he asks softly, looking down at the floor. I close my eyes and sigh. "Yes Gray. I am mad." I say sternly. He looks up at me again and his eyes start to water again. I sigh again and try my best to hold back my own tears. "Gray this can't go on any longer... i can't handle this anymore..." I say as i give up the fight with my tears and just let them flow. He sits up and pulls me onto his lap while leaning his back against the door. He holds me tightly against his chest and caresses my hair. "Im so sorry baby.... I'm so so so sorry." He keeps repeating while tears are still rolling down his cheeks. We sit like that for what feels like hours, and for the first time in a while I feel somewhat happy. Gray is here, holding me, while being sober.

After about an hour we finally get up of the porch and I take him inside the house. He immediately goes towards the stairs to go up to my room but i grab his hand and pull him towards the kitchen instead. "Want me to make you something to eat?" I ask. He hesitates for a second before shaking his head. He just walks towards me again and wraps his arms around me from behind, placing his chin on my shoulder. I sigh and close my eyes, leaning back against him. "Babe I'm worried about you.... You've lost so much weight." I whisper and i feel him freeze up behind me. I open my eyes and and turn around to face him, holding onto his hands. "H-how long has it been since you've eaten a proper meal that actually stayed in your body for longer than an hour..?" I ask, worry obvious in my voice. He looks down at the floor, not answering my question. I lean forward and wrap my arms around his neck holding him close to me.
"You need to go and find help Gray." I whisper into his ear softly. I feel him shake in my arms when i say that. After a while he lets go of me and walk out of the kitchen and towards the stairs without a word. I let myself sink to the floor and place my head in my hands. What is going on with this boy?

He stays for another 2 hours. We just cuddle and make out in my bed, and even tho i should be happy that he's spending time with me, I don't actually feel that. Every time he touches me I just feel this overwhelmingly sad feeling. When he leaves he still doesn't say a word. He just kisses me one last time before opening the front door and leaving. I take a deep breath in and try and calm myself down from whatever the fuck just happend. I decide to just get myself ready for bed instead of doing anything else because I'm so exhausted from today and i just wanna get a little sleep before Gray will come and crash at my place again. I'm hoping to get at least 4 hours of sleep so at 10pm I'm fast asleep. When i open my eyes again it's light outside. It takes me a few seconds to register that i slept through the whole night and Gray didn't show up. In a way i feel great about that because i finally got some proper sleep but on the other hand it immediately makes me worried. He's been coming to my house every night for the last 2 months and now he hasn't showed up. Horrible images and thoughts of a dead Gray flash through my mind as i almost run downstairs to check if he's somewhere outside of my house, but he's no where to be found.

The next few hours are the most stressful hours of my life. I call his phone about 100 times and sent him a billion messages asking him where he is and if he's alright, but.... Nothing. No reply no nothing. My head feels like it's about to explode with how stressed and scared I am. After looking for him for almost 2 hours i have to leave for school because i can not miss anything considering I've already missed more than 48 hours of school in the last 2 months. I look at myself in the mirror one more time before leaving and i look like a mess. My hair is standing out everywhere and i have dark bags under my eyes but i couldn't care less at this point. The entire day crawls by slowly. The day is filled with boring teachers being mad at me for not finishing my homework or projects and my friends giving me worried looks. They try to make a conversation with me but i just stay quiet. Even tho i finally slept properly last night, i feel more tired than i have ever felt.

The next few days are the hardest days of my entire life. It haven't seen Gray in 5 days and I'm worried sick. I have fully given up on school now. The only thing i do is lay in bed and do nothing. I don't see the point in doing anything if i can't have him with me anymore. I feel so powerless because there's nothing i can do to find him. I've been to his house, his parent's house, his friend's house and I've driven around the entire town. I've messaged him about 500 times but no reply. I suddenly hear the doorbell ring and i jump out of my bed sprinting downstairs in hope of seeing gray his face when i open the door but, all i find is my mom. I stare at her for a second, expecting her to get mad at me because she's probably had emails from my school, complaining i missed to much. She sighs and steps inside. I just stay quiet and close the door behind her, walking behind her towards the living room.

"What's going on with you, Juno." Mom says as she sits down on the couch opposite of me. I anxiously bite my lip and look down, avoiding eye contact. "Sorry..." I mumble softly. I haven't felt like this in a while. I feel like a 4 year old child who's gotten caught stealing cookies from the kitchen. She sighs and gets up to sit next to me. She wraps her arms around me and i burry my face into her shoulder, soft sobs leaving my mouth. "G-gray is gone mom, I-I haven't seen him in 5 days a-and I'm so worried" I cry out against her shoulder. She slowly rubs my back to calm me down. "I'm so sorry you're going through this, baby" she whisper softly into my ear. We sit there for a while as I cry and cry and cry. I am completely hopeless and I feel so small. Mom stays for the rest of the day and we don't talk about much. She just cooks me some proper dinner and leaves in the evening. I try to distract myself from thinking about gray with some drawing, but then suddenly the doorbell rings again and my heart skips several beats. I quickly walk downstairs but when I open the front door my face drops as there's two policemen standing right in front of me. I instantly know this isn't good news.