Snow On the Beach (Taylor Swift x Reader)

coney island

Trigger Warnings!

Very brief reference to suicide, reference to hospitalisation, reference to ED

I woke up to an empty bed, no note on my bedside table and only one new message.

I'm going to therapy today, you can take the day of. I hope you had a nice anniversary. P.s. I'm okay and I promise we'll get through this.

For once, I was disappointed it wasn't from Lizzie – in all honesty, I couldn't think of Taylor right now. I made a mental note to reply to her later.

I debated sending my girlfriend an apology but I couldn't find the words or much to be sorry for. I made my intentions clear: I didn't want children or marriage. She had crossed my boundaries and brought up a topic I wasn't comfortable with. What more could I say? I was going to wait for her to reach out first.

I slipped out of bed and debated what I should do on my day off. After pacing the room and waiting for an idea that never came, I inevitably fell back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. I reached the conclusion that I was going to stay home. I grabbed my phone and my headphones, absentmindedly picking a playlist to listen to.

It was calm for a moment, the music carrying me away as worry swirled around my head. I finally let go, letting quiet tears slip down my cheek, their presence tickling my skin. I loved Lizzie, I was sure. But she was losing me.

Faint drums and the strings of a guitar drifted from my headphones, a piano joining the reverb of sound bars later.

"Break my soul in two," she sang, "Looking for you but you're right here."

..........................................................................

December 2017

I stood waiting for her by the gold clock, a few metres in front of the tree line behind me. When I had begun my journey earlier in the day, the sky had been a bright blue and I had worried that there would be too many members of the public here. Luckily, by some miracle, there were grey clouds above me, holding tightly onto the rain that would come pouring down in at least the next hour.

I clutched my gift against my chest, shivering in the wind. I spotted her in the distance despite her cap and sunglasses, recognising her coat. I grinned as she approached, pulling her into a hug before a single word could fall from her lips.

"Happy birthday!" I exclaimed. I had been waiting to say those words since the moment I had woken up, wanting to say it in person. The internet is useful but it would never be better than in person interactions. I gave Taylor her gift.

"Thank you so much," she said, running her fingers over the golden wrapping paper – her favourite colour. "I want to open it later, can you put it in my backpack?" I nodded, taking it from her and unzipping her bag, slotting it behind her umbrella and water bottle before securing the backpack.

Our fingers intertwined as we walked towards the ferris wheel peaking over the top of all the buildings, its bright, festive lights twinkling in the mist. I held Taylor's hand tighter as it got colder and colder along the way. We stepped into the fairground, vibrant colours surrounding us, many rides on offer including a small roller coaster, a drop tower and a merry go round to name a few. To our disappointment, we were too old for some of the rides so we picked ones we were guaranteed a seat on – the thrillers.

The fastness and height combined caused us to scream like lunatics on each one and I thanked myself internally for having skipped lunch. We weren't exactly cowards, it was more adrenaline and enjoyment than fear. Who doesn't behave like a fool with their closest friend? We stumbled off the drop tower, covering our mouths to suppress our dramatic laughter.