Thoughts about us

Tuesday, 28th may 2024

Why do I still think you like me ? Or rather why do you keep talking to me like this? Right after I wrote about how I hate that you ignore me you start talking to be again the next day, when the night before I was writing pages about you. I don't have limits for you, my feelings don't have an end, I could write for hours and days about you, because I always have something to say. Since I can't say all of this to you I write. I write to escape from the reality, the reality that you don't want me. Why do I have to want you but not you? What is wrong with me that you don't like ? Tell me so I can stop feeling crazy. Tell me you regret the way you treat me, tell me you can't help it. But I know you try your best to ignore me, because even if we still talk it's not exactly like before, because before you didn't know that I like you, even if it was obvious. I wish that for once you would like me back, I thought it would be different, but sadly you are just like everyone else, you don't stand out of the crowd, but you still do though. Because even if you are like them you are not, you have something different that I love, you are quiet, you are smart and like school, you know that you are smart and you brag about it, but even so you tell me that I am not dumb when I think I am, you tell me that I'm doing a good job when I think I'm failing, you helped me to do not fail when I wanted to give up, and that's what make you different, how sweet you are with me, the soft spot you still have with me. I will never love or see someone like I do for you, I see what nobody see, I can tell you things nobody ever told you. But I know that tomorrow when you will talk to me I my brain will be on block mode and I will think that you like me or something but you don't, everytime the realistic part become louder the delusional part scream louder to make me forget the truth. Because the reality hurts too much. I want a real conversation with you about this, because how come I thought that you could like me ? You also did things that make me think this, you didn't do nothing or else I wouldn't be where I am today, writing hundreds of pages about how you make me feel, I never wrote about my feelings for a boy before you, you are so special to me. Because we have lots in common, we both like to listen to music, we both like to spend time with our cat, we both hate socializing but fake being extrovert, we love being alone, and being alone with you will be the same because you are just like me, the real me, you saw the real me, you know that I am not the person I pretend to be. I could bet on my knees for you to like me, and I fucking hate this, because what the fuck am I ? How desperate did I became for you ?? I should burn your chapter, but I just have so real feelings for you, I will never feel with anyone what I feel for you, because you are different.