goddess | b. bridgerton

chapter 8

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Athena. My Goddess. My sun and moon, she is who I revolve around.
It kills me inside that I have betrayed her so.

In recent years, I have only turned to relations with other women to distract myself from the woman I am so deeply in love with. How can I live with myself now that her trust in me is flawed? She will not speak to me, I miss her terribly. I miss the way her golden hair is illuminated in sunlight, I miss her smile and I miss those emerald eyes I so deeply long for.

It has even affected my painting, my muse is now tainted. She is set in ignoring me for the rest of time if possible.

-

A beautiful landscape covers my canvas, and she sits in the centre of it. Her head turned to one side, but she is smiling up at the sun. She is surrounded with beautiful flowers, but none so beautiful as her. If only she could see her the way I do.

Knocking at my door startles me out of my trance, Colin appears in the doorway.

"Care for a drink?" he asks, "Anthony has some whiskey in his office we could have? I am sure he would not notice."
"Certainly brother." I exclaimed, trying to pry my mind from thoughts of her.

We quietly hasten ourselves downstairs, and Colin quickly pulls a large bottle from the drawers. It is only half full, but we still pour ourselves some.
"I wished to speak with you Brother." Colin announces,
"Of course."
"Have you and Athena had a recent falling out?" he asks a question I was not prepared for whatsoever,
"Uhm, yes well she is upset with me. I have betrayed her trust and now she is intent on... avoiding me."
"And why might that be?"
"Why are you so interested?" I say, perplexed.
"I saw she avoided your gaze at tea, and hasn't spoken to you once in these past weeks."
"She has every right not to." I sip my whiskey,

"You avoided my question Ben." he gulps down the last drop of his drink, before pouring some more,
"Well, I promised her a dance at Lady Danbury's Ball," I explain,
"Oh, so she is annoyed you didn't dance with her? That hardly seems worthy of suc-"
"You did not let me finish, it is a long story! I promised her a dance at Lady Danbury's ball, and when she arrived, she was swept away by many suitors. So I stupidly started drinking a little too much, and became quite intoxicated. Therefore, I left to visit the art club to take my mind off of everything. She decided to follow me though, and found me... with another woman let's just say." I pause before that last phrase, trying to conjure the right words.
Colin looks quite shocked, "Goodness."

"That is not all, brother. She quickly left and I followed after her and she shouted at me harshly. Told me that I was not behaving like a gentleman, and she threatened to tell you all about what had happened. She started crying and I tried to apologise but she ignored me and has done so ever since."
"That is ... a lot to take in." he paused, "I would not have thought you one to partake in such activities."
"Well," I knit my brows together, "one probably wouldn't envision his brother kissing women."
"I suppose you have a point." he laughs, and pours even more whiskey,
"We probably should replenish Anthony's whiskey before he notices a bottle gone."

Colin nods as he sips the drink,
"It pains me so, that she is not speaking with me." I groan, as the whiskey burns my throat.
"She truly has not been herself since Aubrey Hall." he notes,
"Oh, thank you dearly Colin for that lovely insight; that I might be the cause for such misery." I take a seat, leaning back into the chair, trying to compress myself.
"It is true is it not Benedict?"  he shrugs,
He approaches the seat next to me, and holds his hand out for me to get up.
"Might we play some pool, just to get your mind off of it?"

I jump from the seat and retrieve my cue stick. "Are you prepared to be bested once again brother?"
"How is it possible you win every time?"
"I shall divulge none of my secrets, that defeats the purpose of the game!"
"Fine! I was hoping to catch you off guard, but I suppose I should have to figure that out for myself."

-

"It is only, she --" I pause, and rest my hands over my face,
Colin leans down, ready to strike the ball.
"She, beyond doubt, recognises my true self far better than any other person I know."
"Even me?" he knocks the ball, missing his target quite significantly.
"Most especially you, brother."

He fakes a state of shock, before allowing me to meet my target perfectly on the table.
"I deem her to be," I search for the right phrasing, "my best friend. Probably, even the love of my life, but I shall never be able to tell her that as she wants nothing, if not to be apart from me."
"Do you love her?" Colin rests his cue on the floor, leaning against it slightly.
"Completely and utterly. I cannot think, much less breathe in her presence. She lights up every room she enters and her smile is the most perfect thing in the world to me. I wish to be by her side until the end of my days, for eternity. She might quite literally be a goddess."

"I am pleased it is Athena you have fallen for, it took you long enough to realise your own feelings for her!" he exclaims, clapping his hands together.
"What?"
"Anthony, and I have known of your love for Athena since that very first day. It was clear from the moment you laid eyes on her. Eloise noticed a few days after, although Daphne found out more recently. Mother was told by Hyacinth, I don't think Gregory has picked up on it yet but Fran--"
"Wait." I stop his rambling, "So you all knew?"

"Subtlety is not your strength Benny." I roll my eyes at that stupid nickname, it isn't as tolerable when Colin says it. "Perhaps, I shall talk to her for you. Tell her of your desire to reconcile." he suggests.
"Ok," I affirm, "I may forgive that you did not tell me sooner, about our entire family's knowledge of my affection."

"We needed you to come to your own conclusion. Although, if you had waited longer I presume Anthony would have blurted it out sooner or later."
I give a light punch to his arm, and he rubs it in pain.