Swept Away

6 - Colby

Its fate.

Maybe.

She's gorgeous.

And she's around for the whole summer.

I mean there's no denying the obvious, Ashlyn is and always has been an extremely attractive girl, but Juillet? She's stunning. She's not as tall as Ashlyn, but they are built similarly. She has long curly brunette hair that falls over her shoulders. And her smile is perfect.

But see, this is kind of my problem. I've seen pretty girls before. Maybe none as pretty as Juillet, but pretty nonetheless. But I can never act on it. I've never kissed anyone. Wait, maybe I shouldn't tell you this for the sake of being judged...whatever.

No, I've never kissed a girl. Or boy, but I've thought about it and I really just don't lean that way. Kissing is scary. And scary things cause anxiety. And anxiety causes panic attacks. And panic attacks cause depression, and the cycle for me is endless.

It started when I was little. I was probably around 9 or 10 and I watched a horror movie for the first time. I was terrified. I couldn't sleep in my own bed for weeks. I was either bunking up with my parents or my older brother. That was the first time my therapist believes that I experienced anxiety.

The next time was when I was 12. It was the first day of 7th grade and I missed the bus. I was so freaked out I walked back into the house and started crying. My dad found me, but he didn't know that I had already gone full panic attack. At that point I was having such a hard time breathing that my dad called 911 and I ended up spending the rest of the day in the ER.

The anxiety and panic attacks just started coming more frequently and closer together from there. It became a lot for me to take. I started feeling depressed because I didn't understand why my brain wasn't normal like everyone else's. At this point all of my mental illnesses were undiagnosed. It just kept getting worse.

Eventually my mom took me to a psychiatrist. They diagnosed me with severe anxiety and depression. That only made things worse, but as my therapist, Molly, always says, "sometimes things need to get worse to get better." So it got better, and now I'm better, and I only have to think about it in the morning everyday when I take my meds.

As much as I am scared of kissing, I'm not scared of sex. I've never had it, but I'm not scared of it. I'm a virgin. All my friends know this fact. I have always believed that you shouldn't have sex with someone unless you truly love them. Otherwise, you're just giving a special part of yourself to someone who you don't care about and possibly doesn't care about you. It's not a religious thing. I'm not "saving myself" for marriage. But I am waiting until I meet the right person.

"So what's Juillet's deal?" I ask Ricky.

He glances out the window, "You want to know the full story or the basic stuff?"

I crack a smile, "The full story." I want to know everything there is to know about this girl.

"Well, she's 100% French. Her family immigrated here right before she was born. Uh, she's a dancer. And she just applied to Remington, but was waitlisted. So now she's waiting to get off the waitlist," Ricky pushes his blonde hair back.

"No boyfriend?" I glance at Ricky.

He smiles and shakes his head, "No. Why? Are you interested?"

I shrug, "Maybe." But I am hell of a lot more than maybe interested. I am 100% inexplicably interested. I want to know everything about her.

Ricky takes a sip from his lemonade, "Well then maybe we'll have to bring her by the ice cream shop tonight."

"Sure." I shrug, but inside I am freaking out. "Well, time to go to work."