bad intentions - rafe cameron

7

Kaz

Pulling the 4-wheeler into the yard of the chateau, I see John B and Sarah sitting on the porch.

"What the hell, Kaz. I thought the note said you were going for a walk", John B said.

"Is that what I wrote? I meant to write a ride. My bad." I feel like he can sense that I'm lying to him, but thankfully he doesn't ask any further questions.

"There's fresh croissants and fruit it on the table for you."

"Don't think I'm that hungry anymore. I'll eat it later, I'm gonna hop in the shower now."

JB looks at me with suspicious eyes, but lets me go on my merry little way. I know he feels so helpless now not being able to tell me what to do. With him being two years older than me, he always acted as my guardian when I came to the OBX in the past. Now that I'm 18, I just know he's lost not being able to tell me what I can and can't do anymore.

I shut the bathroom door behind me and let my clothes fall to the floor as I turn the knob on the shower to start the water.

All I can find myself thinking about when the water hits my skin is Jayj. I had such a good night with him and now he's just gone ghost. I guess I should've known it was coming, though. I've always known his reputation with keeping a girl in his life wasn't the greatest. I kind of understand. He does have a lot going on in his personal life, with his dad being abusive and his mom leaving.

I've always felt so bad for him and what he has to deal with in his home life. That's why I was so at ease knowing he had John B and the rest of the Pogue crew to keep him company and try to keep his mind off of things. I really hope he comes back to the chateau tonight. I just wanna talk to him. As if the universe is giving me a sign, my phone buzzes with a text notification.

Jayj👱🏻:
hey
u at the chateau?
i had some sleep & had some time to think. can we talk?

i'm here. showering rn.we can talk.

i'll be there in 20. see u soon❤️

I wonder what he means by "had some time to think". Think about what exactly? I close my eyes to rinse the conditioner out of my hair, and see flashes of the kiss from last night. It's all I can think about. I guess I just never thought anything would happen between us because I was always so scared to say something to him about the way I felt.

With my shower over, I gather my clothes and put them on, pulling my hair into a braid and head out to the living room.

"Boat day? JJ's coming over in a few. HMS Pogue is ready to go with a fully stocked alcohol cooler. Figured we could have a chill day and just float around Shem Creek, close to the docks. Maybe find a party to crash later", JB suggests

"Sounds good. I could use a chill day on the water after last night." Sarah can sense a hint of sadness in my tone, so she takes me by the hand and guides me out to the porch with her.

"About that, are you okay? I noticed JJ was gone when I woke up and that's super early for him. Did something bad happen between you two?", Sarah asks.

"We fucked. And then uh...I don't know, he...he just left. I feel kinda shitty about the whole situation. But he texted while I was in the shower, said he wants to talk when he gets here." I can't even make eye contact with her as I talk because I feel ashamed deep down.

She takes my hand in hers in a friendly manner.

"Hey. If he can't see how amazing you are, that's his fault. Don't beat yourself up, okay? He has a lot going on, I'm sure that's the reason. You're a catch."

Damn. Now I can see why JB fell so hard for her. She's genuinely a sweet girl. Just by this conversation, I can tell she's always looking out for other people. I'm glad they found each other. Her and JB seem like the perfect match, and seem truly happy. I haven't seen him like that in a long, long time.

I hear a loud revving, snapping me out of my thoughts.

JJ.

He steps off his bike and strides through the front door, onto the porch. When his eyes meet mine, it feels like time stops. We both stare at each other. No words. Just thoughts. Until JB breaks the silence.

"So it seems like you two have some unfinished business. We'll be on the boat", he says.

JJ takes his time approaching me.

"Kaz. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left. That was fucked up. I had a really good time last night. And I'm not just talking about the sex. But I did mean it when I said I can't be in a relationship right now. There's just too much stuff-"

"Going on at home and in your personal life, I know, J. It's okay. I just thought you were gonna ghost me after we fucked and never speak to me again", I say.

"Are you kidding? I wouldn't do that. You're special. I've known that. I wish I could give you a relationship like you deserve, but it's just too much for me to handle right now. But I like you. I like being around you. You make me feel seen and heard. I don't wanna give that up. Could you give me some time? Maybe at some point I'll be ready to be with you. But I don't want you out of my life. Friends for now?", JJ asks, my heart breaking with the last sentence he spoke.

"Y-yeah. No, of course. Friends." I'm fighting back tears as I choke out that sentence.

Before JJ has an opportunity to say anything else, I briskly walk to the boat. J follows shortly after.

"Everything good? You both on the same page now?", JB asks, his eyes darting back and forth between the both of us.

"We're straight", I say, not even looking in JJ's direction.

No one says anything, sensing that there's clear tension between JJ and I, and they don't want to make things worse.

As we cruise down the water in the HMS Pogue, I snag a twisted tea from the red cooler and I can feel JJ's eyes on me. There's not really anywhere I can go, seeing as we're quite literally in a fucking boat. So I continue to sit in the same spot, trying not to acknowledge him, until I feel a hand on my knee.

"Enjoying the water?", JJ asks me.

"Uh yeah...I guess", I reply nonchalantly.

My eyes dart to JB and Sarah who are pretending like they're not listening to our conversation.

"Like the view?", he asks me another stupid question.

"Yup."

"Yeah, me too", he says. I notice he's looking directly at me. "You know ever since last night I don't even have the urge to look at another girl. You're the only one on my mind. And I promise you, when I get my shit together, we'll be together."

I can't help but stare into his ocean eyes and believe every word he says, even it it had been slightly alcohol induced.