Here After!

18. Settling Into Everyday Life

Giri

As it was a little sad start, I expected something worse to happen. I quietly progressed with my daily routines and went to the kitchen. Then the realization hit me: Mom is not here, we didn't have a proper dinner, and now I'm hungry. Thinking it was a bad start to the day, I wondered what to do. Just then, Anu also came in and raised her eyebrows, asking what was wrong. I shook my head, saying nothing, and picked up the milk packet from the fridge and went to the kitchen. She followed me and offered to make tea, and I gladly handed it to her.

"When will Mom come back?" she asked.

"Not sure. Since our return was unplanned, I asked her to stay there for a day or two," I replied.

She just responded with a quiet "hmm."

"Is there anything like dosa batter or wheat flour so we can make an easy breakfast?" Anu asked, breaking the silence.

"No batter for sure," I replied, searching through the pantry. "There might be some flour somewhere, but I'll need to look. By the way, do you know how to cook?"

She gave a modest shrug. "I'm not a perfect cook and haven't gained much expertise in this area, but I can cook enough for survival."

"Okay," I said, smiling at her honesty. "In that case, do you want me to buy something to make our work easier?"

"No need, Giri. We can manage. And still, having breakfast at home is better, even if it is simple," she replied, with a determined look.

"Hmm, as you wish," I said, finally locating the flour and handing it to her as she prepared the tea.

With the flour in hand, Anu set to work, and I couldn't help but admire her resilience. Despite everything, she was willing to make the best of our situation. As she kneaded the dough, I decided to help, feeling a sense of partnership forming between us.

"Looks like we'll have chapatis for breakfast," she said with a small smile.

"Sounds good to me," I replied, feeling a warm sense of normalcy settling in.

"Hmm, Giri, do we have any veggies here?" Anu asked, looking around the kitchen.

"Not sure. There should be something, but I'll have to check," I replied, opening the fridge.

"Oh, okay. Could you please check if we have potatoes or onions? If not, maybe we have eggs or jam?" she suggested.

"The chances of having jam and eggs are high. The rest, I'm not so sure about," I said, rummaging through the shelves.

"Alright then, we'll go with that. Just get those eggs and we'll make scrambled eggs," she decided.

"Cool," I said, fetching the eggs and jam and setting them aside. By then, she had already prepared tea and finished kneading the dough. She's pretty fast at this, I thought.

I started sipping my tea, and she joined me. We both remained silent until we finished our tea. After about 15 minutes, she began rolling the dough and I offered to cook the chapattis, which she gladly accepted.

As she rolled the dough, I cooked the chapattis, though I wasn't as quick as her. She then started making scrambled eggs. In another 20 minutes, we were done with the cooking, and we exchanged a satisfied, achieved smile.

"Not bad for our first breakfast together," I said, feeling a sense of accomplishment.

We had breakfast in silence again, and my thoughts drifted to the previous days when I felt optimistic about starting our life together. But now, I couldn't shake the feeling that we were stuck, not moving forward. Just as I was getting lost in my thoughts, the phone rang. It was Papa.

I picked up and we exchanged a few casual words before I passed the phone to Anu. She mostly responded with hmms and didn't engage much. It felt odd, but I decided not to push her. After breakfast, we agreed that making lunch was too much for us to handle today, so we decided to eat out.

Anu

This morning, I woke up to whirlwind of emotions. For a moment, I forgot where I was, but then the events of the past few days came rushing back. Giri and I, now we were beginning our life together.

I quietly slipped out of bed, careful not to wake Giri. The previous day's events weighed heavily on my mind, giving me a pounding headache. When Giri had asked me what happened, I was at a loss for words. How could I possibly tell him that I was the root of my own problems?

My overthinking always leads me straight to the reasons for my tension, and to make matters worse, their words hit me hard. But what was his problem in all of this?

If it had been an earlier version of me, I wouldn't have given this a second thought. But now, Giri's life is intertwined with mine, and whatever I do inevitably impacts him. My irrational behavior might just prove their statements and thoughts to be true: "Anu is not good enough for him. What did they see in her to marry her? Look how she clings to him; she must be scared he'll escape if she doesn't."

These words have been echoing in my ears since yesterday. Am I really not good enough? But I didn't compel anyone. Giri wasn't under any pressure; it was entirely his and his family's decision, wasn't it? Or is there something I'm missing? Should I talk to him and clear this up?

This is pushing me into deeper thoughts, and I know overthinking isn't good. But, but, but... I'm full of doubts and uncertainties now. Ugh, Anu, Anu, Anu... stay on track. You know there's nothing wrong on your side. Don't give a damn about what others say. Ignore, ignore. You are Anannya Anand, and you don't let others rule your mind. You're strong, Anannya. Focus, focus.

My thoughts were interrupted by Giri's voice—he was up. I wished him good morning, trying to muster a smile, but we both knew it was a fake one. Then, the next three minutes were a blur. I had no idea what I said or did. Panic set in—had I said something hurtful? Anu, how could you let this happen? I've warned myself countless times not to speak when I'm feeling like this.

I could read his face—he wasn't happy with what I had said. It struck me then how, in such a short period of time, I had learned to read his emotions from his eyes. Anu, bravo! I cheered myself on to overcome my negative thoughts. Once I felt somewhat stable, I realized he was no longer in the room. Quickly, I took a shower and headed outside. There he was, standing with the milk packet. Another reality check hit me—Mom wasn't here, and we had to handle everything ourselves.

Anu, you've been too caught up in your own head. Now, be a good girl and do something to fix the trouble you caused a few minutes ago, I urged myself.

We worked together, preparing breakfast and getting ready for the day. I focused on the tasks at hand, trying to push away the lingering negative thoughts. By the time we sat down to eat, the tension between us had eased a little.

As we ate, I made a mental note to talk to Giri more openly about what had been bothering me. We needed to understand each other better, and I realized that keeping everything inside only made things worse. For now, though, I was just grateful that we had managed to start the day on a better note.