Valentine's Day (Ethubs)

Valentine's Day

It was Valentine's Day; and BDubs was alone in the biting cold as it crawled over him like spiders. And by God did he hate spiders.

He didn't know where Etho was - or when he'd come back... All he knew was the plaguing image of solitude as it clung mercilessly to his soul, sinking its claws deep enough to contaminate his once-warm blood instead to frost. In the darkness, he was blinded by the dull, masking impression of ache which lingered within his bones, embedded into his flesh and intertwined with his cells. He was an oyster - trapped and alone despite his desperation.

He wasn't great with being left all alone - and now it especially hurt. Valentine's Day is a day where you are supposed to feel love all around you - but BDubs had woken up entirely on his own; emptiness flooding through him like a tsunami striking a coastal town. There was no escaping the endless wave as it crashed and crashed and crashed repeatedly against his knocking heart.

Clouding his mind, his thoughts spiralled around his mind at dangerous speeds and he desperately hugged himself in an attempt to numb the agony of his feelings.

It was like something was broken inside of him, something silly but blown out of proportion, something unfixable. His thoughts shrouded him at a tangent to normality, emotions discarded under what felt like the discomfort of a drenched blanket smothering him. The silence was suffocating.

This was pathetic. It was Valentine's Day, for voids sake! He should be joyful - should be happy!

Etho should've been here hours ago - maybe it was that he didn't really care. Perhaps BDubs was as unloveable as he currently felt.

He knew that Etho loved him... really! He didn't need even an ounce of a reminder of this... although maybe he did feel a bit jealous when he saw the warmth that other couples on the server carried with them everywhere they went. And he knows he shouldn't compare, everyone is different and shows love differently.

It still hurts nonetheless.

the pit in his stomach deepened, hollowing. He felt sick. As if the walls were squeezing in from around him - gnawing at his insides and strangling his fragile mindset.

Subconsciously, he felt the twisting if his gut and the sinking of his stomach; but he just stared into the emptiness of the wall, trying (and failing) to push the poison away, to free his empty soul from the violence of the tide that endlessly tried to drag him under.

He was sinking, drowning, dying. Body aching, head burning and heart heavy. He had to continue. Despite the ache that pursued over him, he had to carry on, he had to focus on the current.

Seriously, he couldn't stay in bed all day.

Though it was very comfortable.

Looking at his pocket clock, he saw that it was mid-morning. Etho had told him he'd be there at eight - it was quarter to ten. On his communicator he half noticed the dozens of messages of everyone else saying their plans for the day together, meanwhile from himself and Etho it remained radio silence. Bdubs faced the ceiling and closed his eyes, relishing in the choking hush that seemed to surround him.

When was Etho getting here?

Water dripped down his cheeks, eyes red raw as the downpour showed no signs of stopping, his head boomed. He hated this, he hated every second of this. He had no right to feel this way, he should be proud - should be happy. Not everyone can feel intoxicated by love like he often was. Not everyone can be so stricken by those around them like how BDubs was drawn to Etho all of the time.

He was letting his insecurities get the better of him again, something that he'd worked so hard to stop from happening. All of this work, spiralling undone like a roll of loose thread, all while he had to just sit and watch it occur, helpless. Like he was a spectator to his own shitshow.