𝒑𝒂𝒑𝒆𝒓 𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 · 𝒋𝒘 𝒙 𝒋𝒈 ✓

⊹ ࣪ ˖ 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞

and i love you, its ruining my life

i looked around the room, taking in the familiarity of it all. it was as if nothing had changed, yet everything had changed. im sitting across from johnnie, our knees almost touching.

"i don't know what came over me," i confessed, my voice barely above a whisper. "i mean, i didn't mean for it to happen like that. it just sort of...happened."

i couldn't meet his eyes as i spoke, feeling an uncomfortable mixture of shame and guilt washing over me. "im sorry, johnnie. i really am. i don't want to lose you. you're one of the only people i can trust."

he let out a long sigh, rubbing his hands over his face. "its both of our faults, jake." he paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. "do you still want to try and work things out?"

i swallowed hard, meeting his gaze for the first time since we'd started talking. "yeah, johnnie. i really do. i mean, i don't want to lose that."

"i...lifes been so hard for me."

i looked at him, really looked at him. he'd always been the stronger one. it was so much harder for him than it had been for me. he'd had to grow up so fast, and deal with things no one should ever have to deal with.

"i want things to go back to how they were," i told him, reaching out to take his hand. "but i also want you to know that i'm here for you, no matter what. i'm not going anywhere."

he squeezed my hand, a small smile curling the corners of his lips. "i just wish things could be easier for me sometimes."

i squeezed his hand back, feeling a pang of guilt. "i know you do, johnnie."

the words felt hollow as i spoke them, but i meant them. despite everything that had happened, i still wanted to be there for him.

"it's okay, jake," he said, squeezing my hand back. "i know you didn't mean for it to happen."

i nodded, feeling a weight lift off my shoulders.

we sat there in silence for a moment, our hands still clasped together. it felt good to have him understand, to know that he wasn't angry with me. i wished there was something i could do to make it all go away, to make everything easier for him.

"you know," i began, hesitantly, "if you ever want to talk, i'm here for you. about anything. you can trust me, johnnie."

i look him in his face, those features making me realize that ive fell for him hitting me like a ton of bricks. he's so beautiful. i want to kiss him. but then i remember what he said about his past and his feelings. it's not fair for me to want that.

"johnnie," i begin, my voice barely above a whisper, "i-i know this is probably really hard for you right now. and i don't want you to think that I don't understand. but...i care about you. a lot."

i watch as a small smile curls his lips, and he squeezes my hand. "i care about you too, jake. and i want to be with you. you know that. it's just...things are complicated right now."

he looks away, his brow furrowing as he takes a deep breath. "i don't want to lose you, either. you're my best friend. but I need to figure things out on my own, and i need some time to do that."

we sit there in silence for a while, just holding hands and taking in the beauty of the sunset. i know he needs this time, and i'm not about to push him into anything he's not ready for.

635 words

a/n

i haven't updated this in 2 months DAMNN

anyways ill be back on that wattpad writer grind just working on some oneshots