A Court of Trickery and Salvation

Chapter Five

A stinging pain jolts me awake followed by a cool hand gently resting on my shoulder to keep me still. "Don't move a lot Kayla, this wound is pretty deep." Hawke's gruff voice gives away how tired he is and the amount of emotion he's trying to cover up.

"How long have you been awake?" My own voice is raw and my throat burns, probably from all the screaming over Jaye's body. Hawke drags his fingertips over the long gashes on my back ever so gently, causing me to shiver.

"You've been out for two days so about that long." He says softly and I turn my head to rest on top of my arms, looking up at his blazing eyes. His shirt is caked in blood as well as it splattered across his face. Even staring at him in such a disheveled state, I can't seem to muster up any spare emotions. All I can seem to feel is numb on the inside, I don't even feel the grief from Jaye's death.

"Why?" There's so many questions behind that one word. Why'd he stay up watching me? Why does he care so much? Why did Jaye have to die? Why the hell was I so weak to do anything to stop it? Hawke's fingers move from the gashes on my back to brush against my cheek.

"This wasn't your fault Kayla. There were too many of them and as for why I'm here, I'm your friend. There's no place else I'd be then right here waiting for you to wake up." He brushes a piece of hair behind my ear, his eyes searching my face for something.

"You went off by yourself and your unharmed." My voice doesn't even sound like mine, so far away and dull. Hawke sighs heavily before reaching beside him on the table beside the cot then hands me a letter.

"Here, this came for you a couple days ago. I was trying to give it to you all day that day." I start to sit up, the pain in my back the only feeling my body allows. Hawke moves fast to keep me from sitting but he stops short and immediately turns around. "Kayla." He snaps and I look down and suddenly realize his issue, I'm completely naked from the waist up. I can't even feel embarrassed anymore as I stay sitting up, looking down at the letter. 'Nesta' it's her handwriting. My eyes scan the letter rapidly, my hands rumpling the edge of the paper from how tightly I grip it.

"Feyre." I breathe out her name then finally look up at Hawke who is still turned around but even from this angle I can see how stiff his body is. "I have to go." Immediately I start pulling on clothes, not even noticing the pain in my back anymore.

"You're still hurt Kayla. No." He growls out the word, either an order from a superior or a plea from a friend either way I'm not listening. I start throwing things into a bag, clothes, left over money, weapons, anything that'll help me. "Kayla! Listen to me!" He grabs my wrist, stopping my movements just like he did on the hill outside the town.

"If you're so worried then come with me Hawke!" I finally snap, glaring back at those fierce eyes of his.

"I-I can't Kayla, you know that." He let's go of me, his face twisted with guilt but I just shake my head.

"Yea, protecting the Maiden is more important. Don't worry Hawke, I'm used to disappointment by now." I grab my bag from the ground and push out of the tent, Hawke hot on my heels still trying to convince me to stay. "I don't get it Hawke, you say you care. You stay awake by my bed for two days while I'm unconscious but a complete stranger takes priority over me. Jaye would've came with me. You know he would've but you..." I clench my fist tightly at my side and shake my head. "Just go to Masadonia and never think of me again." I see the hurt flash in his eyes before I turn away and head to the city on the edge of the Stroud Sea. 'Home, I'm heading home then straight into Prythian to rescue Feyre.'

"Kayla!" Hawke yells my name one final time but I don't turn around because I know if I do I'll run right back to him just by the sheer desperation in his voice. Feyre needs me, Nesta needs to stay with Elaine to keep her safe. I can only do so much and if the Faeries were to attack them while I'm off trying to rescue Feyre then I'm screwed, I can't chose which sister to save. I won't. I'd offer myself to them before I let them hurt my sisters. The long walk to the dock was exhausting, especially with one of the gashes on my back reopening on the way. I hate to admit it but Hawke might've been right, I should've waited until I was completely healed but who knows what those monsters could be doing to Feyre right now.

'Don't think about it Kayla. Just focus on one foot in front of another. Step. Step. Step' I repeat the word over and over until I make it aboard the ship that'll take me back to the Continent. Take me home. I wonder how much they've changed, it's been a few years since I last saw them. Why the army let a 16 year old girl join I'll never understand but I'm glad they did or I'd never met Hawke or... or Jaye. I rest my head against the wood, letting the swaying of the boat lull me into a troubled sleep plagued with nightmares of Jaye's blood stained smile, his final words.