Amidst The Vying Psyches

Kabanata 35

Serenity Hiraya

"Good morning, mommy!" I greeted my mom after I opened the door to her room and placed the tray on her bedside table.

Umaga pa lang ay mangungulit na agad ako kay mommy. I want to spend a day with her kaya umaga pa lang ay pinaghanda ko na siya kaagad ng breakfast. I cut strawberries and kiwis for her. I even transferred the yogurt to a transparent bowl and added mixed berries in it. I want my mother to eat a healthy breakfast to start her day.

"Good morning, anak." Malaki ang ngiti niya bago sinubukang tumayo na agad ko rin namang ginabayan.

"Breakfast po, mom. Tapos, let's go to the garden later. Magpainit po tayo," natatawang sabi ko kahit alam kong ang ending ay lalabas kami nang naka jacket dahil malamig ang simoy ng hangin kahit autumn pa lang.

I sat beside her and kissed her forehead. I helped her eat by guiding the spoon to her mouth or holding the juice I made for her.

"What's your plans today, anak?"

"Hmm..." I hummed. "I'm still not sure po. Maybe I can borrow a laptop and then I start writing again? It's been so long since I wrote an article and essays. Pero, siguro mamaya na po. After po natin lumabas," I answered, smiling.

"I'm so proud of you, anak." She stretched her hand to cup my cheeks and I quickly leaned into her touch. "Sobrang happy ni mommy na kasama ulit kita."

"Mommy naman!" I joked as I felt my eyes burning. Pakiramdam ko ay iiyak ako any time.

When she laughed, I felt like it was angels coming down from heaven. Ang sarap pakinggan ng mga tawa niya. I would cherish every moment and time I have with her.

Pagkatapos naming mag-breakfast ay nanghingi ako ng tulong upang mailabas ko si mommy sa garden. Malaki ang garden ni Lola na may iba't ibang uri ng bulaklak.

We sat on a bench and listened to the birds humming from the outside fence. Despite the cold breeze hugging our skins, the shining rays of the sun was enough to keep us warm—aside from the jacket and turtleneck sweaters we're wearing.

Hawak ko sa isang kamay ko ang MP3 player na binigay sa akin ng isa sa kambal. Hindi ko alam kung saan sila nakakuha nito pero sa akin na lang daw. So, ipinasa ko roon ang laman ng cassette na bigay sa akin ni Steven.

I am wearing the other side of the earphones while my mom has the left one. We were listening to the solemn melody of the song where we can both hear Steven's voice and guitar strums.

"He wrote that for you?" She asked.

I nodded.

Ngumiti ang mommy ko. It looks like she adores Steven's voice.

"It's been so long since the last time I was in the Philippines, but it's good that I could still understand Filipino..." she chuckled. "Ang galing niyang gumawa ng kanta."

"He loves music, mom..." I talked about Steven. "That is just one of the many things I love about him. He likes playing with notes and rhythm, then creates a story out of it."

"You really love him?"

"Sobra, mommy. I didn't know that I was capable of loving this hard. Kung hindi ko lang kinailangang umalis..." I immediately stopped myself from saying another word. Ayokong maisip ni mommy na nagsisisi akong pumunta ako rito. I don't want her to feel like it's her fault why Steven and I were not together.

Naramdaman ko ang pagyakap niya sa akin mula sa gilid. "I'm sorry, anak. I am so useless that I could not even go against my own mother. Pero kung maibabalik ko ang panahon, pipiliin kong manatili sa inyo." Her voice was laced with pain and sorrow.