The Curse of the PhoenixYou see me in the flesh, but I cannot see myself. I have become someone I am afraid of. I don't think the same as I did before. I don't care for the things I use to. Is this depression or the realization of what life brings?On good days, I can remember who I wanted to be, but that makes me see who I've become painfully. I am wishing for the end to become of me. In a loop like a DMT trip. I am seeing the end over and over, Morphing completely. Under certain circumstances I can muster up the strength to forgive myself, it's not like I didn't know what you would do with me. I saw it coming, I participated in my undoing.Burning phoenix, starting over from the ashes you left me in, my specialty.The rancid smell of burning flesh. You, my love, brought me to my death. I just want it to endObeying my place in this purgatory. I've come to learn I deserve nothing and if I get anything at all I should count my lucky stars. Even if that means it never lasts at least I had a few moments Kindness, honesty, and loyalty are all that I had to offer. Things this place seriously lacks. Yet they meant nothing to you. I've been through what you went through. It's like we almost shared the same past. Yet now that is all I am to you, your past. Every day you run through my mind, just like before. But now its not the things I wanted to tell you, experiences with you, or memories. It's the acknowledgment that none of that was ever set in stone. There was more pain and loneliness with you than without. I made up who you were in my head. My bad, I only did it to myself. I can't even blame you. It's crazy that I still believed in love, That I could love you, I don't even know what that looks like. I know I wasn't as strong as you thought I was. In the end, I broke down. I just thought you were strong, I thought you could hold me up when I couldn't hold myself. Ending me, going up in smoke has left me clueless about who I am. I gave you the best of me. Now there is nothing left of me. Was I even who I portrayed before? If she wasn't good enough then I guess I'll just be a villain because that version took so much compassion and strength I don't think I can do it again.-------Khaos
