The Rhodes Method

fifteen

You're lookin' right at me
I'm here around the clock
I'm waitin' on your block
But please don't call the cops
- THE DINER, Billie Eilish

OCTAVIA RHODES

"You know," Myles tells me, his words harsh and daring. It's a complete turnaround from before when we were messing around as we usually do.

Now, Myles' eyes are stricken and his eyebrows are dangerously low. His grip gets a little tighter for every second that passes.

"Octavia," he repeats.

"Myles." I shake his arm off me. "Let go."

"Tell me, Octavia," he mutters, though his voice begins to escalate, past what's allowed for a library.

"Tell you what? You didn't ask me a question."

Myles groans. "Do you know?"

"Know what?!"

There is a cough from behind us. Our librarian, a woman who looks about forty, but is likely in her early thirties, glares at us with a finger at her lips.

"This is not sensible here," she orders, her voice harsh whispers. "Either you read or go outside."

Myles puts on his teacher's-pet smile and wraps his arm around my shoulder. I stiffen.

"We were arguing about what book to read. Is The Giver okay, Octavia?" Myles asks me, but he does not bother waiting for an answer. He turns back to the librarian. "We'll be quieter, sorry."

She seems to fall for Myles' spell, because she gives us an approving nod, and then stalks off to find her next victim.

"The Giver?" I scoff when Myles' arm drops and his shoulders deflate. "Are we in eighth grade?"

"Shut up," Myles grumbles. "It's the first one that came to my head."

"Probably because it's the last book you read."

He glowers. "I don't give a fuck. Have you found out about Raymond?"

My body feels empty — this is the only way to explain my reaction following Myles' words. I am empty and made of nothing. It's like everything has been sucked out of me: my secrets and thoughts that have been keeping me up at night.

"What about Raymond?" My voice breaks but Myles knows now that I know.

He is wordless until he isn't. "How did you find out?"

I shrug. He's not satisfied so I think of a lie that will keep me out of the most trouble. Telling Myles that I met up with the old man won't end up well for me, especially with his tendency to snitch.

"He called me, and confessed," I say, my words low and droopy. I'm tired and Myles can see that. I realise we have been burdened with the same truth, but have been holding onto it separately.

"Oh," Myles says with a sigh. "Oh."

"What?" I ask him. "What did you think?"

We sit back down, my closed computer dividing us. "Raymond's been sending letters, and calling all of us a bunch. Vince knew you'd end up picking up and meeting up with him, so that's why he made that stupid deal with me. If I let him know what's going on with you, then I get a few bucks."