Tent City

Chapter 18 - Andy

I rushed to the comms room, hoping that Commander Lee was not in danger or stranded in a wasteland with a broken transporter.

I was directed into a private room, just like I had before. However, unlike last time, the line was as clear as day.

"Evening Andy." Commander Lee's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Evening! How has your trip been going since last time we talked?" I asked.

" Well, the transporter has served me well. Its armour protected me from a bandit attack a couple of days back. Other than that, it's been smooth sailing." He answered.

"You weren't injured or anything?" I asked as I tried to hide my concern by using a professional tone.

"Ahhh, Andy. You don't need to worry about me so much. I'm a big guy and a seasoned soldier. I can protect myself. I haven't lost that ability because I'm older now." He chuckled in his reply.

I felt my cheeks warm with embarrassment. He always seemed to know what I was feeling at the time, even if I tried to hide or disguise my feelings in cold-hearted professionalism.

So that we didn't lose track of the reason Commander Lee called, I steered the conversation back on topic I asked,

"So, does your call mean you'll be home very soon?" I asked

"Yep, I should be at the bunker, safe, and warm by this time next week.

It will be such a relief, I've been gone way too long. My trip took a lot longer than was anticipated, but you've done me proud by keeping the bunker under control, quite a feat for someone as young as you are. You should be very proud of yourself, Andy. Because I am."

I was left speechless by his praise. I wasn't one to receive praise or compliments often or even well. When I did receive them, it always took me by surprise.

We talked for a bit longer before Commander Lee hung up. I had a couple of hours left before I had to go to sleep. I decided that a little bit of exercise and a bit of time on the shooting range at the gym would ease my anxiety and allow me to let off some steam.

My alarm filled the room, and I shot awake. My heart felt as though it would beat out of my chest.

I had exactly 45 minutes to get ready and head to the gym and continue with Kelsies sword training.

I arrived to find Kelsie already waiting for me. I glanced at the watch on my wrist. She was exactly 5 minutes earlier than she had been since we started training together. The thing about Kelsie was that she was a sucker for a routine. She was never late and always arrived at the exact time every day we had training.

About halfway through training, I found myself running to my room, my heart was beating, my face was warm, and my lips tingled.

"What the fuck just happened?" I gasped as I leaned on the bathroom sink, and stared at myself in the tarnished mirror.

My hair had fallen out of place, and a clump of it fell over my eye, I gently caressed the scar on my face and noticed how red my cheeks were. I felt happiness and excitement, but also embarrassment, anxiety, and guilt.

"What have I done?" I whispered, "How could I just leave after that?" I took in some deep breaths as I tried to calm my beating heart and the growing anxiety that was threatening to burst forth into a full-blown attack. "Fuck!" I screamed in frustration, as I paced around my room. I tried everything I could to stop the anxiety attack, but I failed, and the feeling of pressure on my chest grew.

First, my breathing became shallow, and I could hear the rapid beating of my heart. My legs started to weaken as I sat on the edge of my bed, my head pounded, and I could barely catch my breath. I rested my head on my hands and focused on my breathing and clearing my mind of the events that had happened just 15 minutes ago.

I thought my panic attack would never stop, but I don't know how I managed, but I got myself out of it, which was surprising. Normally, Marcie was the one who could pull me out of a panic attack this serious.

I've never experienced a full-blown panic attack brought on by something as simple and harmless as a kiss. Yes, a fucking kiss caused me to have a panic attack. I was in utter disbelief of myself.

I took myself to the bathroom and tidied up my hair, and pulled myself together. "Isn't this what you wanted? Haven't you dreamt of this moment since you met her? Do you actually love her? But you wouldn't have ranaway if you truly loved her, would you?" My mind was full of questions.

"Yes, this is what I've wanted since I first saw her, vulnerable and sick in that hospital bed. That's why I visited her, talked to her, and checked up on her every day. I love her." I answered my inner dialogue under my breath.

The realisation hit me like an out of control transporter. I did love Kelsie.

A peacefulness replaced my panic as I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling. The memory of our kiss played over and over in my head like a movie. We were practising a mixture of hand to hand combat and melee. I tripped Kelsie and had her on her back on the floor. Her shining red hair surrounded her like a crown, the colour of her pink cheeks that quickly turned scarlet against her pale white skin as I stared intensely into her eyes.

The way her lips pursed as her breathing became quicker, the glint of want that flashed across her eyes. I brushed my hand across her cheek, and before I knew it, I had leaned in and kissed her. She didn't fight me or protest. In fact, she kissed me back and encapsulated my face in her hands and pulled me in when I faltered. I was enjoying her kisses until I suddenly felt a rush of guilt. What we were doing was inappropriate for a senior officer and her soldier to be kissing.

In fact, it was frowned upon. The power dynamic of me being a Kelsies superior officer and what I was doing could be seen as taking advantage of her. I hastily pulled away and bolted out the door. Leaving Kelsie in shock and confused on the floor.

That part of my memory made me feel guilty, and I felt like I was an arsehole. I couldn't face Kelsie today to apologise, but now at least I know that what I felt for Kelsie was mutual between her and I.