Entangled

~12~

Draco's POV

TW: self harm mentions and depictions in this chapter! Skip if you aren't comfortable

As I dashed through the halls attempting to find Astoria, I felt my chest tighten as the guilt struck me like a blade to a sinners back. I'd hurt the poor girl I'd helped to raise with such tender loving care. That young woman was growing up more and more every day and I'd had no idea she felt that strongly and I wanted to take all of that pain and hurt away from her because I knew that there was only one way to, but I couldn't do it as my heart belonged with Hermione.

I eventually found her at the top of the Astronomy Tower crouched down, clutching her arms in agony.

"Toria? Please talk to me," I broached her gently as I sat down beside her and placed a comforting arm around her.

"Why? Nobody gives a flying fuck. What's the point?" She responded sullenly, so quiet I could barely hear her through her silent sobs.

"If you won't let me talk to you, at least let me clean your arms," I replied to her, as I gently took her hand so as not to hurt her further.

She looked up at me, her large doe eyes glistening with fresh tears at the gesture.

"It hurts Draco," she whispered with a blink, causing more tears to torrent down her cheeks, leaving a trail of mascara.

"Let me see," I requested gently.

She sighed and held her arms out towards me and I fought the overwhelming urge to gasp as she presented them to me. Her pale, delicate arms were slashed to ribbons, scarlet blood dripping in trails and she winced as I carefully extended her arm out and tapped my wand against it, cleaning it with a simple vulnera sanentor.

Her arms had a little bruising but other than that they were good as new.

"Why did you do it darling?" I questioned her, to which she buried her head in her hands.

"I just blacked out. I was in a lot of pain and the urge I got to do it was overwhelming. I felt as though I wasn't in any control and it was my own way of gaining control back of my own anguish," she tried her best to explain and I knew she was struggling mentally way more than I'd ever thought she would.

"Astoria, I know the feeling. It's not healthy though. You know for a fact once you get into that habit it's so difficult to stop. It starts off as a curiosity more so than anything to feel pain because you feel as though you deserve it when you don't. Then it progresses to a habit every time something disastrous happens, then it happens when you over think, soon it happens over any inconvenience that you feel isn't within your own control and you feel the relief and then regret after you do it and then after you relish the pain it goes into a continuous cycle which is extremely hard to break and you'll have those thoughts with you always. It's just all about finding your own coping mechanisms in order to be able to cope with the pain without hurting yourself," I told her gently so as not to cause her further pain. She was obviously in a lot of torment mentally and the last thing I wanted to do was make that worse.

"You're right Draco. I just don't know how to handle my emotions. It feels like I'm on a rollercoaster and I can't get off. I just want all my pain to stop! Why do I have to feel so intensely?" She wailed desperately, as she clung onto me.

"Trust me, focus your energy into something else. I know you're growing into a strong woman. You can do this!" I encouraged her, giving her a hug.

"At least someone believes in me." She sniffed as she wiped her eyes on her sleeve.

"Of course I do. Just because I don't have romantic intentions doesn't mean I don't love you like family. I will always love you in that way Astoria and I promise you that I will always be here for you no matter what happens between any of us all, nothing will make me give up on you. I'll be by your side, supporting you through life and helping you to make the best decisions for you as I have always done. Nothings going to change between us in that aspect you silly girl," I smiled softly at her and her emeralds met my greys with a hopeful look.

"At least I've got you for moral support. I don't really hate Hermione. I just got really jealous and I can't believe I reacted the way I did. I'm not going to pretend it doesn't hurt me but the heart wants what the heart wants and I cannot stop you from being happy. That's all I want is for you to be happy. As they say, if you love somebody you set them free and if they really love you then they'll come back one way or another regardless of the context of the love. Thank you so much for supporting me Draco. I admit, I haven't handled this amazingly and I'm not going to pretend I can get over it quickly because I know my own emotions will make that ridiculously impossible but I am willing to try. Besides, I know for a fact that Theo is lovely and very interested, I guess the memories came back and I must've got side tracked along the way because I really liked him too. I know he's good because you've told me so and I know you'd never let anyone hurt me or let me get close to anyone that you would believe ever would," Astoria lamented, barely pausing for breath.

"Of course I wouldn't. You're exactly right Toria. I'm really pleased that you're going to try and I know you aren't going to get over it instantaneously. I don't expect that, I am just glad your rationality has returned and that you realised what I meant when you put it into perspective," I replied, giving her a huge hug, to which she reciprocated and put on a little smile.

"I'll always support you too you know," she told me.

"I know. Come on, we've all had a chaotic day. It's about time you got some rest. You can make your amends with everyone in the morning and explain what happened and I'm sure they'll forgive you. They're a good bunch really. You know that as well as I do," I grinned as I took her arm and we walked back.

I lay in my bed, panicked over Astoria still. I cared for her deeply but I loved Hermione a lot. That I knew for certain and I knew I had to make things right. I knew it would just be one thing at a time, so I just tried my best to quell my racing thoughts although it was rather difficult I finally succumbed to slumber and allowed my dreams to take me away from my complicated reality.

A/N: I hope that chapter was good enough. I wanted to make sure I got it right, but I used things I've said and things I felt and described the actions best I could with my own experiences in life so please be kind. Love you all 💕