Lovesick

Chapter VI

Two months passed, and the summer holidays began. Though Lucas had claimed he would put more effort into his relationships with other people, he wasn't trying all that hard. That wasn't too surprising, all things considered. Going with the flow and expecting everything to miraculously fall into his lap was his go-to method for most things in life.

As a consequence, I started letting my guard down. In fact, I was kind of glad for that change in attitude, since it made him stop hitting on any girl that showed the slightest interest in him. He became awfully picky all of a sudden, and facing one disappointment after the other didn't teach him to lower his standards even a little bit. I was starting to believe it wasn't just wishful thinking on my part—someone like him really couldn't learn to care for another person.

For the first time since I had met him, he started talking about the future all the time. He was always the type of person to live in the present and not care about the consequences of his actions, so it was rather unexpected. From what I gathered, the subject was brought up at a family dinner, and he was forced to admit he had no idea what either of us was going to do after high school.

So, it wasn't all because of Emma. It would be more accurate to say that was the final nail in the coffin, but he had been concerned about us growing apart for a while already. Summer break would pass by quickly, and the next year would be our last before graduation. Soon, we would have to start thinking about college and career plans, and Lucas must have asked himself whether our choices would lead us down different paths in life.

He asked me if I already knew what I was going to do, and I lied and said I didn't. But the truth was, it had always been my plan to just follow him wherever he went. I couldn't say that, of course, because how clingy do you have to be to prioritise your friend over your own future?

"You're not going to do music?" he asked.

"You think I should?"

"I think you should if you want to. But..." He never finished that sentence and cut the conversation short. "Anyway, that's another reason why we should get used to seeing each other less. We don't even know if we'll go to the same college."

If only I could have told him the truth, he would have stopped worrying about that. There were many other things I would have told him, had I been less of a coward. Sometimes, I seriously wanted to shake him, to knock some sense into him and force him to acknowledge me for once in his life. I'm right in front of you. If you want to fall in love so badly, fall in love with me. Why can't it be me? Why do you have to replace me? I'm not going anywhere. Not now, not ever.

With any luck, he would come to realise how pointless it was to look for love. Did he think it was that easy to form bonds with people? That anyone would be willing to accommodate him to the extent that I did? Not a chance, I thought. And I knew I was a horrible person for feeling that way. At that point, I was actively wishing for him to fail. I would have hated seeing him find happiness with anyone else... but that day came, of course.

For a whole month during summer break, Lucas went to a resort with his parents. They did that occasionally, when his father was able to take a leave from work, and I was always invited to come along. I accepted whenever I was available, but since I had turned fourteen, I had spent almost every summer working part-time jobs to afford some personal expenses my parents just refused to help me with. They said whatever I claimed I 'needed' wasn't that essential, especially if it had anything to do with music. They insisted I was old enough to make my own money, and letting me have anything for free wouldn't teach me the value of hard work.