Dreaming boys

★Little steps

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Seungmin was sitting on the bed, scribbling something in a notebook. I looked at him and decided to muster up some courage. Usually, others make the first move with me, but in this case, it was necessary for me to do it.

"Hey," I said timidly, "how's it going?"

Seungmin looked up, surprised by my question. His expression quickly changed from surprise to irritation. "What do you want?" he responded brusquely.

I had hoped for a different reaction, but I tried to stay calm. "I just wanted to get to know you better. After all, we are roommates."

Seungmin scoffed and got up from the bed. "Leave me alone. You've invaded my room, joined my group, and now you come and talk to me, pretending to enter my life?" he shouted. His anger hit me like a punch, and I didn't understand what I had done wrong.

Seungmin's shouting attracted the attention of the counselors. Two of them quickly entered the room to calm the situation. "Hey Seungmin," said one of them, approaching cautiously. "Hyeongjun didn't mean to be mean."

Seungmin seemed out of control, and his anger was palpable. "No, of course, I'm always the bad guy, no one understands me, damn it, leave me alone!" he shouted before storming out of the room, slamming the door behind him. One of the counselors followed him to make sure he didn't hurt anyone or himself.

I stood there, shocked and confused. "I'm sorry, when he comes back here, he's always a bit shaken. Usually, he talks a lot and is a nice guy," said the other counselor, looking at me. Then he asked if I was okay and left.

I decided to look for Jungsu for some comfort, but I ran into Gunil in the hallway.

"Hey, Gunil. Is it just you here?" I asked.

"Yes, Jungsu and Jiseok went for a walk. Jooyeon is in therapy," replied Gunil, noticing my worried expression. "What happened? You seem upset."

I told him what had just happened with Seungmin, trying to understand what I had done wrong. Gunil listened attentively, nodding from time to time.

"It's not your fault," said Gunil, trying to reassure me. "Seungmin has always had trouble trusting new people. Every time someone new arrives, he becomes very quiet or, as you've seen, very angry. I don't know much about him, but I think he's afraid someone might replace him. But, as the counselor told you, this also happens when he returns after running away."

"I just wanted to get to know him, that's all," I said, still confused and a bit guilty.

"I know," replied Gunil with a sympathetic smile. "He just needs more time. Don't take it too hard. I can't wait for him to get better..."

I nodded, feeling a bit better thanks to Gunil's words. "Thanks, Gunil. I don't know what I'd do without you all."

"We're all here to help you, Hyeongjun. And remember, Seungmin needs help too, even if he doesn't show it. Give him time."

Gunil and I continued to talk for a while, and he began to tell me how he had arrived at the community. "It took me a while to adjust, but in the end, I found my place. You know, I've never had people I could call when I was feeling bad and thought I was the problem and didn't deserve anything."

"What helped you the most?" I asked, seeking strength from his experience.

"The people here. Thanks to them, I realized that maybe I also deserved a hug once in a while," replied Gunil with a smile and teary eyes. "At first, there were only Jungsu, Jiseok, and Seungmin. Then Jooyeon arrived, who became the most important person in my life. I treat him like he's my little brother. Seungmin has also helped me a lot. He usually doesn't shut up, but for me, his presence alone is enough. He's always there for those who are hurting, but when he's hurting, he doesn't want anyone around."

"And what do you do when he's feeling bad?" I asked.

Gunil sighed. "I try to stay close without being intrusive. I give him his space, but I let him know I'm there if he needs me. It's complicated, but I think he understands in the end."

The conversation continued, and I began to feel a bit better. I no longer felt so alone and confused. I knew I had found friends who would support me.

The night had advanced, and we decided to go to bed. Seungmin was already asleep, and it didn't take long for me to fall asleep too.

The next day, I decided to make another attempt with Seungmin. I looked for him for a while until I found him sitting under a tree in the yard, away from the rest of the group. I hesitated for a moment, but then I gathered my courage and approached him.

"Hey..." I said in a calm tone. "Can I sit here with you?"

Seungmin looked at me, still suspicious, but slowly nodded. I sat down next to him, searching for the right words.

"Sorry about yesterday," I began, "I wish we could get along. I don't have any bad intentions."

He remained silent, and I continued, "We don't have to be friends right away, but at least we can try to coexist peacefully."

Seungmin nodded but said nothing. It was a small step forward, but it meant a lot to me. I hoped that over time, we could build some sort of relationship.

"What were you drawing last night?" I asked, trying to start a conversation.

Seungmin examined my face for a moment, as if deciding whether or not to answer. Finally, he bent down and pulled out the notebook. "It's nothing much," he said, showing me a drawing of a landscape. It was surprisingly detailed and well done.

"It looks fantastic," I said sincerely. "You have great talent."

Seungmin blushed slightly and looked away. "Thanks," he muttered.

"I guess you like drawing. I do too... if you want, we can draw together sometime," I asked, hoping to create an opportunity to bond more.

"Maybe," replied Seungmin, his tone softer.

It was another small step, but I was grateful for every bit of progress. I returned to our room with a sense of hope. Maybe, over time, Seungmin and I would be able to build a real friendship.

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