Buck with a Y

I want another life.

-GALE POV-
-1 pm Monday 1st of June 2017-

Waking up is always the worst thing about my day. That's why I prefer not to do it, staying up as late as I physically can to avoid having to wake up. The only downside is that I love sleeping and sleeping always comes with waking up. Not with death though, death is an endless amount of rest without ever having to wake up.

I would love to never have to wake up, to just close my eyes knowing that would be the last time I ever crawled back under the sheets. Unfortunately that isn't a choice for me, I don't really have a say in anything. Not even my own future. My father has it all planned out and me the loyal son must follow every step of the way without fail.

Just like right now, sitting in a lecture in college was never what I wanted and never will be. I didn't choose to go to Yale and follow after my father and study business. I never chose to follow all of the footsteps he once took, making sure I follow the pattern he once made and fill the dents in the ground he once dug his feet through.

'you've got big shoes to fill'

That's all I've been told my whole life, me taking over his business and becoming the next him. No, that is definitely not what I want but no one knows that. All they know is what they think which is never the truth. They've never asked me what I want to do or what I want to spend my life passionate about. I'm not passionate about a business I'm not passionate about any of the things my father does.

Everything he does, he does for money and fame. It's like he never has enough of it. It's not enough he's one of the richest men in the world, no, he needs to be the richest. He needs to be the best at everything and he yearns for the feeling of success. He wants people to think of him as the man who made it. The man who concours the American dream. The man who has no one to look up to because he's already at the top.

Those are the shoes I have to fill.

It feels impossible. Becoming such an emotionless person. I can't do that, I feel too deep to become something even close to him. I care too much, that's what he always says. And I can't change that all I can do is act like nothing hits me. My face stays monotone while my heart carries everything that has been said and done to me. Everything.

I look like ice, I act like stone but I feel like a madman. Because I keep everything in, my heart is overflowing and my mind is everywhere and nowhere. I don't have control anymore, I break down. I do it at night, when no one is near only the moon. I cry my eyes out for only the moon and stars to hear. Once I'm done I spill all that has been on my mind to them. They absorb it and make me able to move onto the next day.

And then the cycle repeats, again, again and again. It's exhausting. Everything about my life is exhausting, the charity balls, the work, college, being obedient, paparazzi, traveling just for business, no mom but a tough dad, no free will, church and so much more. It's too much. I don't want to be me I want to be someone with so much less responsibility. Like my dad's assistant, even though I can't stand him I would love to be him.

Just working 5 hours a day making appointments, going home and being free to be whoever I want. I would love to be him. To have his life and his freedom.

I don't like him though, I love his life but him? No he's a goddamn asshole. He gets on my nerves so much. He's loud and obnoxious, thinks of himself as a sexy and smooth guy but really he's just a dry comedian. He thinks he's funny but he's just annoying.

About two months ago he became my dad's assistant since I started college and couldn't preform certain duties for him anymore. Like booking his appointments, calling his clients and partners and going with him everywhere across the world just to sign a single bloody document. I just didn't have the time anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I still have to be at every meeting and ball that is located in the country. Which is still a lot but I'm just happy the traveling with him is over. At least that's the only upside to this guys presence. His name is John but he insisted on me calling him bucky, I don't, and he also insisted on calling me buck. Which makes me so angry, I hate it.

I just hate that guy so-

"That will be it for today, remember I want that paper by tomorrow people. No excuses!"

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I pack my stuff and keep my laptop in my arms and walk out of the class. Fuck how am I going to finish a paper if I don't even know what it is about?!? All I know is that was economics, so it's about the economy right? Yeah obviously gale! Obviously it's about the economy IF ITS A PAPER FROM YOUR ECONOMICS CLASS!

I'm dead. Completely dead. God how am I going to do this. I have no friends in that class how could I possibly know what to do? I'm not going back in there to ask him what it is about because then he'll know I spent the entire hour thinking instead of working. For fucks sakes, I'm not asking anyone that's way too scary. What am going to do?!?!?

"Yo galy boy, wait up!"

I turned around and see the one and only Kayden. God I love him. He's sweet and energetic, he's a complete opposite of me only the part about social awkwardness is the same for both of us. He's one of the first people who became my friends.

"Hey, Kayden"

"Soooo?"

He's looking at me with those glossy puppy eyes like he needs something from me. What the fuck does he want? I know he's either asking a favor or I have chocolate which he wants. But I don't have chocolate?

"What do you want Kayden?"

"Why do you assume I want something from you, mister!"

"Hey, calm down. It's just that those puppy eyes look like they want something and you my friend always want something"

"What!? How rude I don't need anything from you! You must think very high of yourself mister cleven!!"

"Okay, then I geuss I'll go..."

"NO! uhm no I meant like.. no please..?"

I look at him with my god given death stare and he spills immediately.

"Okay it's just me and amerie are going to the bar later and it's pretty close to your apartment so we thought maybe you would wanne come with us and then we stay over at yours to have like one of those fun teenager sleepovers and I think we'll get drunk you don't have to but it would be fun plsssss"

"Wow wow calm down, first of all you know I don't drink. Second of all, okay."

"THANK YOU"

He jumps into a hug with me and holds me tight before he lets go running to his next class after screaming a loud 'i love you' trough the halls making everyone stare at me. Awkward. Oh god it's going to be so funny see him drunk again.

- end chapter 1 -

Hey my lovelies,
This was chapter one and I hope you liked it if so be sure to leave a comment and like and if you have any advice leave that behind too please. The next chapter is going to be some real buck x bucky moments and that's where their relationship is going to start growing 💗

All the love, max 💞