Glass House Glass Mind

Free Falling

Lost inside the still hands of the clock stirring in dreams and times lost she thrashes inside and out of the covers irritated by the sound of my voice and yet she still longs to talk.
'He can't take her away'.
'He can if he has reason to'.
'But I love her, I wouldn't let anyone hurt her'.
'But that doesn't matter in the eyes of the law. If they've got reason to suspect she's being neglected or abused they will take her away from you. You understand that right'.
'Yeah of course but that won't happen'.
'You can't be sure - you have to be careful'.
' - You have to be careful, yes I know'.
' And you know they're watching you'.
'What?'
'They're watching you, I heard them before, haven't you?'
' They're watching me'.
'Yeah there's hidden cameras, haven't you noticed?'
'Clearly not they can't be surely'.
Groaning he rolls over knocking Sam thrashing the covers off stumbling down in the darkness she crashes to the floor.
'Are you alright?' He groans at her.
Silent she scowls and walks off.
'Sam'.
Stalking off to the bathroom she hoovers over the toilet scanning all the corners, all the cracks and all the holes searching for a black eyes creeping up and down the stairs feeling all the cracks trying to peel away the paint from the walls.
'Whatcha doing that for?'
'Uh for fun yeah there's nothing else I'd rather be doing. It's not like I don't know maybe because you said people were watching me'.
'Oh right I see shoot the messenger. I don't know why you're playing me up for. I was only trying to help'.
'Well you're not helping'.
Stirring in the grey moonlight cascading from the window blanketed  by the night the stars a mere shadow away behind the curtain the lonely city sleeps. In grey she drifts between dreams trying to find one to slip inside but the the itchy sofa just keeps on scratching her thrashing at the covers once more she doubles over hanging in grey she drifts with each tick of the clock.
'Why don't you go upstairs to bed?'
'I can't sleep, what's the point?'
'You might do If you're comfortable'.
Dragging herself up the stairs she sheepishly slides into bed trying to manoeuvre herself into the jagged piece he left her rolling over; he jumps and gasps.
'It's ok, It's me'.
'What time is it?
'3:45 am'.
'Oh can't sleep?'
'Yeah'.
'Oh I'm sorry, maybe you should go the doctors and get some sleeping tablets'. He yawns.
'What?'
'I said maybe you should go to the doctors and get some sleeping tablets'.
'I've already said I don't want to go on tablets when I'm breastfeeding'.
'You haven't breastfed in months'.
'Yes I have'.
'No you haven't'.
'Whatever I just don't want to ok!'.
'Ok ok um'.
'Um what?'.
The bed creaks as he rolls over pulling the covers up over him shifting in the bed as the clock ticks on ever so slowly. The sky slowly becomes an English sunny day when the sun likes to play tricks on you and jumps in and out of your day whenever it feels like it. Crying bellows from the other room flying off the pillow she rushes to Maisie.
'It's ok sweetheart'.
His cautious footsteps follow her.
'What are you doing? I thought we agreed she was old enough to self soothe'.
'Oh yeah yeah um sorry right back to bed now sweetheart'.
In a matter of minutes Maisie is crying again and Sam goes to get up.
'Sam'.
'Mark'.
'... she's ok'.
'She's crying'.
'She needs to learn to self soothe'.
'... What's the time?'.
'4 am'.
Rolling over again shifting in between the sheets trying to find a comfortable spot he falls to sleep again. And she just lies there staring up at the ceiling, her eyes widw open as her body aches inside the sheets.
'I hope it's sunny tomorrow'.
Her only replies are snores.