Memories in gold against a purple sky

Even if we don't make it: Part 4 (Venky-Nitish)

Nitish had barely gone halfway down the corridor before his indignation took a new angle.

Why should he stay away from the party? Why should he miss the last night he had with his KKR family? (How he wished he could forget that last bit for five minutes.)

But no, he could let nothing rob him of this night, and he turned on his heel and bumped straight into Venky.

The full glass of cranberry juice soaked into the front of Nitish's shirt.

"Sor--" Venky swallowed back the automatic apology and scowled. "Good that our colour is purple. No colour can spoil purple."

Purple.

"No," said Nitish. "No colour can."

"And you're just the one I wanted to talk to. Rinku told me why you left the party, but I'd like to hear that from you, myself."

"Because you've been going around all night with the same expression you had the night of the '21 final," cried Nitish promptly. "But there's a difference between the two days, you see, Venky--this time we won the final. There's no reason to be that upset."

"I wasn't upset," said Venky, which was an obvious lie in Nitish's eyes. "I was thinking. About what you said earlier. See--life goes on, Nitish, whether you're angry at it, sad about it or happy about it. It doesn't wait for anyone not getting what they wanted."

Nitish stared, thrown-off.

"You said I am in delusion, and you were right. I love to pretend that this isn't reality--so I'll be real and say it to you. I always had this dream that when, if ever, I lift a trophy for KKR, it'd be with you, Varun, Rinku, DK bhai, Rahul...but most importantly you. And I'm pretty sure you had that dream too. But see--we didn't--we both have a trophy now, but we weren't together while lifting it, we weren't together when all of us entered with the trophy in our hotel to cheers and fireworks either. This is our reality. As much as I always wanted us being together in that moment--or took for granted that if it happened, it'd happen like this, it didn't. The reality is it didn't happen and that we can't change the reality now."

Venky's voice was calm as ever, but there was a break in it. Something in Nitish seemed to have suddenly broken, too.

"Just like you and I both separately held the trophy and celebrated the win standing far away from each other...did we feel like stopping the celebration and rushing back to find each other? That's exactly what our reality is and maybe that's how it's going to be. You'll be celebrating my wicket or I'll be celebrating the win of my team over your team. And you're right--see--it doesn't--cripple me the way it cripples you. You've come a long way with KKR, and certainly much longer than me so...it's pretty obvious...and that's how..." 

Venky's face was stoic, but his eyes were filled with tears. Before he could get any further, Nitish seized him in a fierce, fierce hug. 

And then he was screaming.

"YOU CAN'T HURT YOURSELF MORE JUST BECAUSE I DID. THAT IS NOT OUR REALITY--YOU DARE SAY THAT! THIS IS OUR REALITY--YOU AND ME TOGETHER." The energy to shout fizzled out swiftly. "This...after each of our...er, my whims and tantrums and snapping, after every loss...every 50 run partnership...every wicket celebration, wins, arguments, whatever...us together is our reality. If you dare say or believe anything else--"

At that point Nitish realized Venky was simply standing, shaking.

"--WHY ARE YOU NOT HUGGING ME BACK?"

"What?" asked Venky, blankly.

"YOU. ARE. NOT. HUGGING. ME. BACK."

"Oh--sorry--" 

Venky put his arms around Nitish hastily and buried his head in Nitish's shoulder and held on. He was crying so silently, his tears seeping into Nitish's collar was the only proof. Nitish didn't think he could ever forgive himself for making the person who willingly adopted responsibility for his smile cry on the happiest day of their life.

"I'm sorry, Venky," he started, which sounded hollow. "I mean-- why would you even believe me? I don't speak sense some--most of the time. I'm sorry for what I said, but I could never mean you love KKR less."

"I didn't believe you," sniffled Venky, loosening his death-like grip of Nitish's neck, rubbing his eyes.

"If you say so," said Nitish, eyebrows flying up.

"I didn't. If I did, it'd mean I love you guys less, which I know isn't true."

Venky wandered across the corridor to one of the windows. And stayed silent. Nitish, who was anyway not great at explaining emotions, didn't know what to say.

So he took the usual way out: probe more.

"What are you thinking? What exactly do you mean?"

"Surely you're are not that dumb."

Nitish glared him. Venky glared back.

"Why are you being this competitive today?" demanded Nitish.

Venky gave him one of his fine-I-lose smiles. He had a lot of those. People as easygoing as him required them.

"Look, you'd have different sets of memories, but from the very day I came to KKR, I've known that whenever I need something to hold on to, it's you. At this point, I can't really differentiate between my memories of KKR and my memories of you...so yes, I didn't believe you when you said the thought doesn't cripple me--" He was crying again. "--because I know how much--how much it does."

Nitish rushed to hug Venky again, and felt like he'd buckle under the wave of guilt and remorse.

Saachi's voice spoke in his ear, chiding.

Rule 1: you don't talk without thinking. Rule 2: if you're upset, don't take it out on someone you love.

Why was it so hard to follow a couple of simple rules?

There was a third, though.

Rule 3: if you've broken the first two rules, make it up to the one you've hurt whatever it takes.

"I may have different sets of memories, but it's the same for me, Venky," Nitish said, quietly. "More so for me, in fact. Whenever I need someone, I just look around, because you're always on my side."

Venky's laugh was muffled and brief. Then he pulled away a little to look Nitish in the eye.

"D'you think that's all going to change if we don't make it past the auction?"

He said it in a way that said he'd believe whatever Nitish said.

"Nothing's going to change," said Nitish. "I promise."

Venky looked so unmistakably relieved Nitish started to feel indignant again. Like what had he expected the answer to be?

"You promise, too," he said, crankily.

"Okay," said Venky, with a smile. "Nothing's going to change, I promise."