Dreaming boys

★Shadow love💌

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Jiseok pov

The rain fell incessantly that morning, and with each drop hitting the ground, I felt the weight of the past dragging me further down. My steps were heavy as I approached the community, a place meant to offer hope but to me represented just another failed attempt to find myself.

As I crossed the threshold, a dark-haired boy looked at me with wide eyes. He seemed almost incredulous, as if he were seeing a ghost. I recognized that look: pure admiration, the same I had seen so many times in the arenas when I was still someone. I felt uncomfortable, annoyed by the memory of a glorious past now unreachable.

"Are you Jiseok?" he asked with a trembling voice.

I nodded without much conviction, hoping the conversation would end there. But he kept staring at me, as if he expected something from me. An answer, perhaps hope. Me, who had lost all hope.

"My name is Jungsu," he finally said, with a shy smile. "I'm a big fan of yours."

I smiled reflexively, but inside me there was only emptiness. I couldn't understand how he could smile like that, with his slender figure and deep circles betraying an inner battle far greater than the one I was facing. Despite his obvious suffering, he seemed to find a spark of happiness.

"What makes you think I want to talk?" I said to him abruptly. He looked at me surprised, but he wasn't discouraged.

In the following days, Jungsu continued to seek me out, to try to get closer. I didn't understand why, or what he saw in me. Every attempt at communication was met with coldness from me, but he was stubborn, determined not to let me go.

The turning point came during a group therapy session. I was sitting in a corner, trying to avoid eye contact, when suddenly the air seemed to become too heavy. My heart began to race, my breath became shallow. A panic attack. I couldn't move, paralyzed by fear.

In that moment, I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Jungsu. "You're not alone, it'll be okay," he whispered. No one had ever told me such a thing, his voice was calm, reassuring. He guided me through the attack, with patience and kindness. He knew how to move, he must have known how it felt. When I finally recovered, our eyes met. For the first time, I saw in him not just a fan, but someone who understood my pain, someone who wanted nothing in return.

After that episode, something changed inside me. I began to open up, slowly. Jungsu took me for walks, and when I couldn't walk anymore, he carried me on his back or piggyback. He told me about his battle with anorexia, his addiction to social media because of people's comments and judgment, how every day his life was a struggle. His words, his determination, struck me deeply. I saw in him a strength I had never known before.

The days passed, and Jungsu and I grew closer. We shared stories, fears, and dreams. It wasn't an easy journey. Sometimes the fear of trusting completely overwhelmed me, terrified by the idea of not deserving a person like him. And Jungsu, despite the progress, had days when his anorexia seemed insurmountable. But we found comfort and support in each other, learning to rely on this new family we were building together.

One day, sitting in our room, I spoke openly with Jungsu. "Don't give up on your studies," I said to him. "See school as an opportunity for growth and rebirth. Don't let your problem take everything away, and certainly not the people."

He looked at me with teary eyes. "School ruined me, and now I'm 16 and I can choose." I smiled. "You don't need the words of people you don't know to be okay, then I need you." Jungsu approached and kissed me, it was a sweet and sincere kiss, I was convinced I was straight, but somehow Jungsu with his smile killed me every time and maybe I wanted more than just friendship.

With time, we became inseparable to the point that Jungsu couldn't sleep anymore without me in the room. And neither could I, I couldn't imagine how my life could go on without him.

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