ABTS 2: Chances

The Kitchen

I was silent for the rest of the car ride home. Partly because the boys were rowdy and I felt sick. But mainly because I was anxious to speak to Harry.

Once we got home, I told the boys I was going to go change and freshen up.

Now I am standing in my room, looking at myself in the mirror, wondering how I ended up like this. I look like a mess. I change my clothes into more comfy house clothes and head to the bathroom to wash my face. 

As I am about to open the door to the bathroom, I am startled by Harry coming out of it. He stops in his tracks and stares at me.

For a moment, our eyes remain locked. For a moment, I remember what I adored most about his face. The way his icy blue eyes glowed, and the way they perked up when he looked at me. 

But that moment was short, as the darkness swam its way back into my conscious mind. He doesn't want to be with me. Ever.

I looked away and quickly walked past him to the bathroom.

"Alex, wait," Harry says. And as I am about to close the door behind me, he grabs the door and stops it.

"Harry please, I'm not ready to talk," I try to push him away. 

"Just, please, I have to tell you something," He begs.

I don't even respond, I just push him even harder and close and lock the door. I rest my forehead on the door and it is silent. After a few seconds, I hear his footsteps walk away and down the stairs. A tear rolls down my face.

I let out a breath and recollect myself. This is going to be a long night.

------------

I tried my hardest to get out of hanging out with them, but they practically dragged me down the stairs to at least sit there with them. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I am wanted, but I don't want to be around the one who doesn't want me.

I am sitting on the couch with Ethan to my left and Simon to my right. Josh is on the other side of Simon and Vik is on the other side of Ethan. Tobi, JJ, and Harry are piled together on the floor on the giant beanbag. 

Ethan and JJ are playing Fifa and the rest of the guys are watching, talking, and grubbing on their Nando's.

"Are you sure you don't want your food, A? I'll go grab it," Josh asks for the tenth time.

"Josh, yes, I still feel slightly nauseated and don't want to worsen it right now."

I did not lie. I am nauseated but not from the liquor.

I can feel Simon staring at me out of the corner of my eye, but I don't dare look back. I know he knows why I don't feel good, although he wasn't much help in letting me avoid this hangout. He really wants me to talk to Harry, I'm just scared of the truth.

I look over at Harry on the beanbag and to my surprise, he is looking back at me. He gives me a sad smile but I immediately look away. Looking at him pains me.

The boys laugh as Ethan beats JJ at the game.

"Alright, you guys pick who plays next," Tobi says to JJ and Ethan.

"Here, bro," JJ hands his controller to Harry. "I gotta piss." 

JJ gets up quickly and runs to the bathroom.

To my left, Ethan is scanning the room, and then his eyes fall on me. No.

"Ethan, no, I'm good, really," I beg before he even says anything.

"Too bad, rules are rules," he says as he forces the controller in my hands. Why must this be my luck?

Out of nowhere, Simon says, "I can play for her."

How kind of him.

"No! What the fuck, Alex play," Ethan shouts.

Simon leans into my ear and whispers, "I tried. Sorry."

I give him a sad smile back and take a deep breath. Let's just power through it.

I avoid looking at Harry as best as I can, but when he leaves an open goal for me 2 minutes into the game, I can't help but look at him.

"That was rubbish," Ethan states.

"Harry, what the fuck was that?" JJ laughs as he comes back into the room and reclaims his spot on the bean bag. 

"I don't know, I'm just tired," he replies annoyedly.

That's when it clicks for me. He's letting me win. 

If he were playing anyone else in this room, he would be so determined to beat them. 

"What's got your panties in a twist? Did you fail to pull a girl at the party?" JJ laughs and gives him a shove.

"No, mate. I fucked things up with the girl I love. Leave me alone!" Harry snaps out of nowhere. 

All the side chatter ceases, and all that can be heard is the game on the screen and the crinkle noises from Vik's food wrappers. 

I stare at Harry, shocked.

He looks down and then looks at me. He loves me?

I quickly say, "As a matter of fact, I am hungry now."

I get up swiftly and rush to the kitchen.

It's no surprise when I hear footsteps behind me, but what does surprise me is who they belong to.

Harry.

"Harry, I-"

"Stop talking," he demands politely. I am taken aback.

He starts, "Alexandra, I'm a fool. After how amazing our night was, I was reminded of how amazing you are. And the way you make me feel is... scary. I was scared, because I love you so much, and I didn't want you to think I was any less of a man than you deserve. I pushed you away at the party and said what I said because I was scared to hurt, but more importantly scared to hurt you. In an attempt to protect my insecurity, I ended up hurting you anyway."

I look up at him in shock. He looks me up and down with smitten eyes and they're perked up in the way that I love. He takes a few steps closer to me and grabs my hands. I never knew he felt this way about himself or about me.

He continues, "I do want to be with you. And I want to be with you forever. I want to shout from the rooftops that I love you. I am so unbelievably sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me, but if I have to show up on your doorstep every day for the rest of my life with pancakes, then I will."

I feel so much relief enter my body as it all begins to make sense. After a moment of letting myself sit in awe, I start giggling. 

He looks at me confused and concerned. 

"Pancakes..." I say through giggles.

He lets out a relieved breath and rolls his eyes playfully.

"I didn't forget," he says and leans down close to my face. "I could never."

He then cups my face and kisses me on the lips a deep, passionate kiss. 

It feels like fireworks—the ones on New Year's. The ones at the end of the big fireworks show—the finale. We have finally made it. 

We pull back and I smile up at him. 

"Don't ever let your insecurities get the best of you again, instead just tell me what you're feeling, Haz. You really scared the shit out of me tonight," I say with love.

He nods empathetically, "I know, and I am so sorry. I will never let anything get between us, I promise you that."

"What the actual fuck?"

Both our heads snap to the doorway of the kitchen where JJ is standing.

I pull away from Harry quickly and try to act casual, "Oh, JJ, we were just-."

"Alex," Harry stops me and grabs my hand. "I'm more than ready if you are."

I look up at him and smile, a huge weight releasing from my heart.

"I'm ready."