Me and Katie had always been competitive during training, much to everyone's annoyance. During training matches we were alway against each other, giving each other some questionable tackles and just being a bit too physical.
Today was no different, we were against each other, on opposite teams and Katie had made a dirty tackle on me sending me to the ground . What pissed me off more than usual is the way she just laughed after clearly hurting me.
I had never been good at controlling my anger and this just caused me to see red. I always tried to remove myself from situations where I could feel myself getting overwhelmed which regularly happened when I got angry. After that tackle I could feel my face heating up and my fists clenching.
I was trying to control my breathing by taking deep breaths but it wasn't working and I could feel myself getting more worked up, the concerned faces of my teammates staring at me not making it any easier to calm down.
I got up, and headed to the changing room. Ringing filled my ears and I wasn't able to hear anything else. When I got into the changing room I sat down in front of my cubby, the walls felt like they were closing in on me so I dropped my head into hands and shut my eyes.
I have had panic attacks before, they usually happened when I got really angry and didn't know how to handle the strong emotions I was feeling.
I started taking deep breaths again, a few tears slipping from my eyes. I felt stupid. I hated how I couldn't control my anger and it resulted in me having panic attacks.
I carried on taking slow breaths, not hearing the changing room door open. Only noticing I wasn't alone anymore when I felt a hand on my shoulder causing me to lift my head.
"Hey I'm sorry it was a dirty tackle"
When I heard the distinct Irish accent I knew who it was and it was the last person I wanted to see.
My heart started speeding up again and I looked up to meet Katie's worried eyes
"I can't breathe" I barley got out In between ragged breaths, tears instantly filling my eyes again
"Okay hey, just listen to me okay, take deep breath's y/n, in and out. Copy me" she said taking exaggerated breaths for me to copy. I did and my breathing calmed down. Katie rubbed my back until my breathing was back to normal.
"I'm sorry, that was embarrassing" I let out, wiping my eyes
"It's not embarrassing y/n. Does it happen a lot?" She asked softly
I nodded "when I get angry it's hard to control my emotions and I just get so worked up and this usually happens but It hasn't happened in a while" I tell her looking down
Her hand stays in my back, slowly rubbing up and down, comfortingly which was helping me feel better.
"I'm sorry, it's my fault. I know that was a bad tackle, I shouldn't have done it" she says, sounding sincere which is unusual for her so i appreciated it.
This whole situation felt so bizarre, we weren't really friends so I didn't expect her to comfort me like she has been for the last 10 minutes but what I was more surprised at was that it had worked.
"Thanks Katie" I said looking up at her to give her a small smile
They way she was looking at me stopped me from returning my gaze to the lockers in front of me. Her eyes, they made butterflies erupt in my stomach and they doubled in number when she lifted her hand to wipe the tear I had missed off of my cheek.
Our moment was interrupted by Beth barging through the door
"Jonas wants you both back on the pit-" she stopped when she saw our current position.
Katie pulled her hand away from my face and I cleared my throat, my face heating up for a different reason this time
"Oh sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt" Beth said, a smirk covering her lips as she slowly backed out of the door, her eyes moving from me to Katie as she made her exit.
"We should head out to the pitch" i said, as I felt awkwardness fill the room
"Yeah probably, are you okay though" Katie asked standing up, me following her actions
"Yeah, yeah all good" I let out quickly, just wanting to get out of this situation as soon as possible
We made our way back outside in silence and when we emerged we got a few confused looks but we both ignored them, not even sure what had just occurred ourselves.
Training started again, and I felt a lot better. I also realized Katie wasn't behaving as she normally did. She want tackling me and when I got knocked down she would be the first to help me up.
It was strange but I was starting to like it. I was starting to think I liked her too.
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Not sure how I feel about this one but the idea just popped into my head so thought o would write it down. Lmk if you like it x
