Half Full Told (hfjONE sodapack au)

8) sundown sinking

Warnings: suicide (implications), <-- including drowning, theme of longing connection that Liam can't have, mild angst

{Liam's POV}

I'm afraid.

I was afraid of the Plane, and ONE, and Airy.

I was afraid of seeing Amelia's and Charlotte's and everyone else's faces back on the plane.

But maybe more importantly, I was afraid of Bryce.

It's weird of me to say that, especially since he's the kindest person I've met on the Plane.

He was kind enough to let me stay with him. After all, I wouldn't have a home in San Francisco that I haven't lost from 9 months past.

He was willing enough to help me stop Airy.

He was so sincere when he told me he loved me.

But I don't think I deserve that love.

What have I done to return the favor? I really owed him for helping me now, but I've felt over the edge the last couple of days. I don't understand how he could have so much patience or compassion for me.

I don't understand it. And the reason I am so afraid of him is that I'm afraid I'll screw over what we have between us.

I think- No, I know, that I've asked for too much.

Maybe, I could have jumped off that Golden Gate bridge the moment I came back to Earth to stop myself from creating a mess. I could've drowned until my consciousness faded again.

Maybe, I could've let the lighting take me at the tower, staying in the Waiting Room for eternity.

Maybe I shouldn't ask so much of Bryce for his help, because I shouldn't drag him into my own problems.

I never wanted him to be upset the night I went to his apartment, because maybe I just had the hope I wouldn't be forcing him to solve ONE for all those months.

Maybe I wouldn't have given him bad thoughts about his family, especially his sister, the moment he felt isolated from what I caused.

Maybe?

But maybe it was true.

I fear being alone, I feared more about losing everything that has meaning to me.

Especially Bryce.

He is so sincere and kind. And somehow he finds the forgivance I don't deserve for what I instigate.

I love him, but I don't think I am so worthy of his.

I don't want to beg for his attention, but at the same time, I want him so badly.

I loved every moment I felt his touch, from the hugs to our hands tapped together.

But at the same time, it's like my heart and my mind fight over it not being right.

I didn't mind that I was in love with someone like him.

But am I really good enough for him?

{Third Person POV}

"Hey, Liam's sleeping in the car right now." Darci walks up as Bryce leaves the doorway.

Val hands him his keys as he walks down the porch.

"I get it, you have to leave for Connecticut again, but just know you both are welcome back anytime."

He glances back, giving a slight grin and replying, "Thanks."

"Say goodbye to Liam for us! Hope you'll come back for New Years?"

"Sure." He chuckles.

The family waves goodbye as Bryce enters his car. As he starts the engine, he notices Liam staring at the falling snow.