Heart and Soul Fall off a Fvcking Cliff and Get Kidnapped by an Evil Guy(CCCC)

Chapter One: Heart and Soul have fallen off a fucking cliff

Not proofread

Mind was sitting around minding his own business and doing whatever random stuff Mind does in his free time like idk solving logic puzzles when somebody knocked at his door. "Who could be knocking at this hour??" He wondered. He groaned as he got up, and eventually answered the door, and was met with the one and only Hatsune Miku!
"Hatsune Miku??? What are you doing here??" He asked, surprised.
"Hello, sir! I just wanted to come tell you that Heart fell off a cliff..."
Mind's expression of surprise immediately switched to seeming completely unphased.
"Yes, and? Do you want a metal or something? He was being foolish."
Miku stared at him.
"Huh???" She questioned.
"What? He was being stupid and illogical. He deserved it and had it coming."
Miku continued to stare, a bit off put by Mind's nonchalant and cold stance on the situation, but she was able to put it aside, and continued.
"Soul also fell off trying to help him..." She informed.
Mind suddenly felt a deep pit in his stomach of pure horror and grief. He immediately began to look terrified and distressed, and could only stare in silence for a full minute before responding.
"....What?" He managed to whisper hoarsely. "...You're lying, right? Please, tell me you're joking, Miku...! Please tell me Soul's alive, please...!"
Miku stared in surprise and confusion due to the vast contrast between his reactions to finding out heart and soul fell off a fucking cliff.
"Please... PLEASE tell me he's alive... please... He's... He's all I have left... Please..."
Tears began to form in his eyes as he imagined what life would be like without Soul. He couldn't imagine it. It was too unimaginable to imagine. Soul was his best friend, and now all he had left was Heart's whining... Well, I guess not anymore.  But he would still be alone then.
"He's alive, right?? Please, Miku, if he's alive, I promise I'll even forgive him for his idiocy!" Mind pleaded.
"I don't know man him and Heart are at the bottom of a cliff" Miku answered, just as clueless as him.
He began to sob. "NO, NO, NO, PLEASE...! HE'S MY BEST FRIEND, ONE OF THE ONLY PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT! PLEASE TELL ME HE'S ALIVE, PLEASE, I'LL DO ANYTHING!" he cried.
"They might be alive, I don't know..." Miku responded, feeling empathetic but not entirely sure how to respond to and assess the current situation.
"How tall was the cliff?? Were there any sharp  rocks or anything they could have hit?"
"You can go check." Miku responded as she pointed outside, towards the cliff, which was conveniently right next to the house.
Mind dashed to the edge of the cliff filled with fright as Miku anxiously followed, and he stared down. It was like a dark void down there.
"SOUL?? ARE YOU THERE?? PLEASE ANSWER ME!" he called out.
"Heart's down there too, you know..." Miku nervously added.
"I COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT HIM. HE CAN DIE, IT'S SOUL I'M WORRIED ABOUT. I want to know if Soul is okay." He snapped back.
Mind continued to stare down into the abyss, but there was no response, so he attempted to call out again.
"Soul, please, I'm begging, please be okay...! Please..."
He dropped to the ground.
"I can't keep going... Soul, please..." He muttered and listened.
But to his dismay, Soul did not respond. Heart did though.
"Mind, is that you??" He shouted from the depths of the cliff.
This enraged Mind as he began to cry once more.
"NO, NO! YOU SHOULD DIE DOWN THERE! I HOPE YOU DIE IN THE MIST HORRIFIC WAY ANYBODY HAS EVER PERISHED. GO DIE, YOU WORTHLESS, EMPTY ILLOGICAL FREAK."
"𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂" said Papa Louie, from the other side of the cliff.
Mind ignored the interloper and continued to grieve.
"Soul, please, be okay..."
Heart then screamed "WHAT THE FUCK, MAN??" from the bottom of the cliff.
"FUCK YOU!" Mind MIGHTILY roared. "WHY WOULD YOU EVEN FALL DOWN THERE? WHY DID YOU JUST HAVE TO FALL, YOU IDIOTIC ENDLESS WHINER. SOUL WENT DOWN THERE TO HELP YOU, ALL BECAUSE YOU WERE AN ABSOLUTE FOOL. HE'S PROBABLY DEAD AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU."
Miku awkwardly watched the conflict, completely unsure how to react. Maybe she should of just stayed quiet... She wasn't sure how she should feel. She just hoped Heart and Soul were both alive and uninjured and this whole thing would solve itself.
"Well, actually, I have good news, Soul's alive, don't worry!" Heart called out. "I do have some bad news though..." He sorrowfully added.
Mind sighed in relief. "Thank God .." he thought to himself... But then he fully registered what Heart had said.
"Bad news..?? About what?"
"He has Ligma..."
Mind looked down in confusion. What did that mean...?
"...What's Ligma...?"
"LIGMA BALLS!" Heart shouted as he started hysterically laughing.
"I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH." He immediately screamed.
"WHY THE HELL DID I EVEN TRY TO HELP YOU?! I SHOULD'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING FOR YOU. FOOLISH AND PROFOUND IDIOTS LIKE YOU DESERVE TO DIE IN THE MOST HORRIFIC WAYS SEEN BY THE MANY, JUDGING EYES OF MANKIND. IF SOUL REALLY IS ALIVE, HE'S LUCKY TO HAVE SO NEARLY ESCAPED SUCH AN UNTIMELY FATE ALL BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOUR STUPID IDIOTICAL IDEAS. I DON'T GIVE TWO FUCKS IF YOU SURVIVE OR NOT, SOUL SHOULD HAVE JUST LEFT YOU THERE TO ROT, JUST LIKE IN THAT HOLE. YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO MEANING TO ME, OR IN ANY PLACE ACROSS THE VAST UNIVERSE. JUST STOP TRYING TO DO ANYTHING. DON'T TRY TO HELP US, DON'T TRY TO FIX ANYTHING, JUST STAY THE HELL AWAY." Mind asked calmly.
"J-JESUS, MIND, CALM DOWN...!" Miku retorted, shocked by the haul of insults he has just thrown at Heart. "He was just making a joke...!"
"Well what is he, five years old?? I've never heard a more stupid and immature joke in my entire LIFETIME. And not only that, but in a time like THIS. I HATE HIM." Mind snapped back.
Heart could then be heard crying from the bottom of the cliff, feeling rather apologetic. Though hearing this just made Mind even more outraged.
"OH NO, WON'T SOMEBODY COME AND COMFORT THE POOR HEART?? HE FEELS SO BAD FOR THE IMBECILIC THING'S HE'S DONE AND WISHES HE COULD TAKE IT BACK! OH BOO HOO. GO CRY IN THE SHARP ROCKS, YOU SELFISH PILE OF SHIT."
"MIND, CALM DOWN, I'M OKAY..!" Soul finally responded from the bottom of the cliff.
"Don't you DARE tell me to calm down." Mind shouted, "He was joking in poor taste in an absolute crisis, surely you can at the very LEAST side with me on that, can't you?"
He then returned to condemn Heart for what he had done.
"You know Soul's one of the only people here who I care about. What if we have to live in a world without him now, all because of YOU and your absolute FOOLISHNESS?? You KNOW we wouldn't survive a day! He could be dead right now, and it's all YOUR fault."
"B-But... Sorry for interjecting again, Mr. Mind, but didn't Soul just say he's alive..??" Miku nervously questioned.
"He can't just SAY he's okay, he probably faked it to make Heart feel better. I'm going to go save him MYSELF since neither of YOU two idiots can be trusted to do anything right." Mind glared at her as he began to climb down the mountain, as Miku hurried to follow behind him.
"How would he fake being alive if he's dead??" Miku asked.
"He probably pre-recorded it!" Mind responded intelligently. "He would probably do something like that to cheer Heart up."
"What??" Miku was absolutely puzzled...
Mind continued the perilous climb.
"You idiot, I'm the one who really knows Soul, not you, Miku! He would do anything in his power to make his friends, especially me and Heart happy. If he was dying, he would pretend to be okay just to make us happy!"
"But how would he know he was gonna fall off a cliff beforehand though...?"
"He could have thought he would've fallen after hearing Heart's stupid idea to go down a giant cliff. Why would that idiot even go down there in the first place?? Why on Earth would he even ever think that's a good idea?? He's so selfish, ALWAYS doing stupid things like this without even a second thought."
Miku blinked as she continued to climb.
"So Soul knew him and Heart would fall off a cliff and die, so he recorded a message specifically telling you to calm down for the sole purpose of cheering up Heart, actually die, but somehow be able to play the recording after he died?"
"Yes, that's probably EXACTLY what happened. He knew Heart's stupid plan would get him killed."
"I'm confused..." Miku could feel her brain hurting trying to understand this.
"This doesn't really sound... All that... Logical...?"
"Well, okay, fine, maybe he didn't record it beforehand. He probably did it in the middle of the argument so he could make me think he was okay and cheer up Heart's sorry self. He's always doing stuff like that, he always tries to cheer us up... Even if he's miserable himself."
Mind started to get worked up again, though he tried to hide it as he almost slipped.
"But why would he record it and then play it back immediately instead of just saying it himself..?" Miku knew this was no use, she felt she just felt even more confused the more questions she asked.
"Because, if he just said it himself he thought I would probably just ignore him, he recorded it so I would think he's okay."
"This doesn't make any sense." Miku tiredly responded.
"Well NONE of this makes sense." Mind retorted.
Miku just sighed and nodded, not wanting to continue the argument. She knew nothing she could say would help this make more sense.