The Darker Side of Me

Picture of a Fallen Revolutionary

I need to get to a mirror. No, not for the reason you think. I know how I look, tangled red hair and hollow brown eyes- I am a prisoner, after all.

There are over a hundred of us, each cuffed to an angleable stone slab. We are kept in a large warehouse, not allowed to make a sound. Our captors are cruel: around our feet lie scattered hobbies, but if anyone moves to get them, they are uncuffed and beaten severely. We all learned the hard way, because anyone who spoke a warning to their fellows was beaten themselves.

My heart breaks as I watch two guards, a man and a woman, drag in a boy no more than five. His parents, cruelly restrained, watch in horror as their child is cuffed to a slab by his ankles. He looks so small against the seven-foot stone. His arms would never have reached the metal rings where his wrists were supposed to go.

I know what has happened- I'd seen it before. The parents were part of the rebellion. Any pain caused to them will be nothing compared to watching their child hurt. So they incapacitated the kid first, knowing what he will do.

I hate myself for what I am about to do. But I have a plan, and I have to stick to it. If I pull it off, I can save everyone. Then the mother shifts, and her hair falls away from her face. My heart stutters. It's Sarah, my favorite mentor in weaponry. She sees me in the same moment.

"Jenna! Do something, please!"

Tears stream down her face. She's heard the stories. She knows what they will do. My heart aches to help, to cause a riot, to do something, like I have for so long. But I have a role to play. I keep my face impassive as the guards look at me with suspicion.

"Jenna?" she says hesitantly. Holding back tears of my own, I pretend I can't hear her.

"Jenna, not you too! NO!" Rage contorts her features, and she strikes out at the man holding her. "You've taken everything! EVERYTHING! How can you be so cruel?!"

The guard's face betrays no emotion as his leg shoots out, knocking her to her knees. She gasps in pain as she hits the hard concrete floor.

"Mommy!" cries the boy.

"Sarah!" yells her husband. Both males are speared in the gut and double over, clutching their middles. The boy starts crying, bent over, hugging his arms to himself. His father Jacob watches him, tears gathering in his eyes. From his prone position, the child catches sight of a teddy bear laying at his feet. Eyes lighting up, he reaches for it, seeking comfort.

That's what the guards have been waiting for. They release him from the slab, but before the child can take the bear, the guards fall upon him, mercilessly clubbing his tiny frame. The other soldiers watch stoically. The parents are sobbing.

Then I do the unthinkable.

I laugh.

A clear, high peal rings across the warehouse, and the other prisoners look at me, disgust stealing across their otherwise carefully neutral, deadened faces. I keep laughing like a maniac until the beating concludes.

Sarah and I lock eyes. She mouths, "No" and faints. Her guard lets her hit the ground. Jacob strains to reach her and glares at me in hatred. The little boy looks up from where he lies on the floor, betrayal in his watery eyes. My heart breaks in two. I watched him a few times, little Samuel, while his parents taught the other rebellion youth. He reaches a trembling hand out towards the toy, longing for comfort. His guards each deliver a solid kick to his side. I giggle. All part of the show. Even if he hates me forever, I can save him. I will.

Then they enact the second part of their villainous plot. A woman rushes in, wisps of hair flying free from her matronly bun.

"What are you DOING!? I told you not to hurt the children! Oh, poor dear." She kneels with arms open, and he drags himself, sobbing, into her embrace.

"Don't listen to her, Samuel! She's evil! She won't let you come back to me! DON'T LISTEN!!!" Jacob yells, his voice cracking.

"I won't hurt you, dear," the woman croons as Sammy looks at his father. "Your daddy's a little confused right now. Don't worry, we'll help him. And," she adds, "you can see him all you like."

She's not even lying. She knows that once she is done with the boy, he won't want to see his dad. He'll cut all ties with the rebellion, trusting his surrogate mother completely. He'll be the perfect little soldier.

She scoops up the teddy bear and hands it to Samuel. He hugs it to his chest as she offers her hand. The foolish, trusting boy grasps her fingers. Halfway to the door, he stumbles and falls in pain. The woman picks him up gently, one arm under his legs and the other at his back, and takes him out of the room.

The teddy bear's arm flops, sadly waving goodbye to the life his child had once known.

__________________________________________

That evening, one of the soldiers that had beat up Sammy makes her normal rounds. She always notes the behavior of each prisoner on her Union branded Holo-Tablet, technology far beyond what the populace could ever hope to accomplish. Aggravatingly, there are no weapons or even slightly weaponizable tech in circulation, but in the rebellion, we make oldways swords, bows, and crossbows. Or, we had. If I wanted to convince the government that they'd changed me, I needed to ally with them instead, however briefly and however much it pained me.

The woman stops in front of my slab and nods. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her note a star beside my name. I stare into space, a slight curve to my lips. With any luck, she'll think I am reminiscing over the child's pain.

"Extra bathroom time for you tomorrow, and two helpings of food."

I blink, eyes wide, and let my gaze turn down in her direction, not looking directly at her face, as my creepy smile grows a little. She nods once more and moves on. I fall into a tormented sleep, hardly processing the fear that flickered deep within her.