TMNT 2012 in Mutant Mayhem!

Meeting April

[Suddenly someone lifts open the garage door. The creatures whip around, like deer in headlights!]

2012 Donnie: Hide, hide, hide.

MM April: Hello, I'm an unarmed noncombatant here for her scooter. Whoa. Y'all got your butts whupped. This is really not how I thought this night was gonna go. Wait. Where'd you guys go?

[A sound of a wrench made her turn around.]

2012 April: Hey, I see you in there.

MM Leo: I think she can see us.

MM Donnie: She can't.

2012 Leo: She totally can!

MM April: I won't make a big deal about the ninja star. You got my scooter back so I feel like that's square. Um...

MM Le: Donnie, you go. You're the most friendly and inviting.

MM April: I get that you have to huddle, you know what I mean but the longer you lurk in the shadows, like, the more sus it gets every second.

2012 Donnie: She said we're sus! I don't know that that word means but it's probably not good.

MM April: You know? Yeah. And now it's, like, doubly sus to be whispering about how sus...

[2012 Leo came out of the shadows as his brothers pushed him into the light. The Aprils gasped in shock.]

MM Leo: Hey.

2012 Donnie: Wassup?

2012 Mikey: Hey.

2012 APRIL: Oh, you're like crimefighters with turtle costumes.

[She steps forward to the turtles.]

2012 APRIL: Yeah, I'm gonna be honest, I don't think all the good animals are taken... sharks...there's wolves up for grabs... Wow, the costumes are really crazy. These eyes are wet like real eyeballs. How do you get this on and off? That's your skin! That's your skin!

[She backs away from Donnie.]

2012 APRIL: What's goin- what- what are you? What could you be?

[They don't really know what to say.]

2012 MIKEY: Can we explain this over some pizza?

2012 RAPH: Mikey!

[April takes a beat.]

MM APRIL: How you guys feel about pepperoni?

ALL TURTLES: She's down for pizza./Whoah./I didn't think it would get this far.

EXT. ROOFTOP - A LITTLE WHILE LATER

[April and the Turtles eat pizza on a rooftop. The turtles all simultaneusly try to explain their origin.]

ALL TURTLES: Long ago, my brothers and I were all a bunch of turtles.../And this guy.../We don't know where we came from...

[2012 April stops them.]

2012 APRIL: Stop, stop stop stop stop stop!!! (beat) Okay, you were real baby turtles, who made contact with mystery ooze and therefore started to age from mutant baby turtles to mutantturtle-men-guys.

2012 MIKEY: Turtle boys, actually.

MM RAPH: Turtle men.

MM LEO: I would say TEENS... ya know, I would say cool teenagers.

[She writes that down.]

MM APRIL: Teenagers! Amazing, insane. Well tell me more, obviously! I want to know everything about you. Like, like, is there more of you?!

MM DONNIE: Nope. Just us!

2012 APRIL: (to herself as she writes) They are alone in the world. (to Turtles) And like nobody's ever asked you about this or talked to you about this?

ALL TURTLES: No./Nope./Yeah, you're the first one./People should talk to us!

2012 MIKEY: Sometimes we'd pretend to be on Wendy Williams, but that's it!

MM LEO: Why you writing all this down?

MM APRIL: Oh well, I'm journalist. Well, I WANT to be a journalist! I write for my school paper...

2012 LEO: Really? I assume you'd want to be on camera... 'cause you have like a very camera ready look.

MM APRIL: Nope! Nope! NEVER ON CAMERA!!!

2012 LEO: Okay...

MM APRIL: Listen, that's why I'm down here. I'm researching my this story on Superfly and his string of supercrimes. See, the police have been talking about implementing this curfew if they don't find him soon, right? It spooked the parents, and they cancelled prom!! I'm trying to, you know help bring him to justice so everyone can chill out or whatever. But THIS!!! Turtle mutant karate teens! I mean this is a pretty good story!

MM RAPH: [stands up] Look, I don't know if we should.

2012 APRIL: Why not?! This is GOLD! This is so good!

2012 DONNIE: We were taught humans would try to destroy us if they ever found out we ever existed. You know, kill us! 

2012 MIKEY: Or put us in a lab and milk us!

MM APRIL: I wouldn't milk you! You don't even have nipples!

MM MIKEY: Look, human woman, I got a question, so just be straight with me: do you think there are more people like you? Ya know, people who will accept us?

[Dramatic beat.]

2012 APRIL: No. No, absolutely not. Um, genuinely no. There's no way.

[The turtles all look visibly disappointed.]

MM LEO: Alright yep, it's confirmed, we're doomed.

2012 RAPH: I knew it.

[Devastated, the turtles begin to leave but April stops them.]

MM APRIL: Wait wait wait wait. If I'm being honest... I mean, the reason I'm not scared of you is that you guys helped me out. And if you hadn't and I had just like... stumbled across you... yeah... I would be very scared. I would be really freaked out and disgusted. (checking her phone) Sorry, my mom is texting.

MM DONNIE: (holding up his glowing phone) Dad is texting us! He's freaking out a bit.

2012 APRIL: Well, uh, at least all parents are the same?

MM LEO: 100%.

2012 MIKEY: Yeah for sure.

2012 DONNIE: Our dad is definitely not a giant rat!!

2012 APRIL: (looks to Donnie) That makes me feel like he's a rat. Well, I'll airdrop you my contact. And if you ever feel like you want to come out into the world or whatever... just let me know. I would love to write the story about it, seriously. Good night.

[The Aprils head off. MM Leo watches her go, infatuated.]

MM LEO: I mean, she seemed cool.

2012 DONNIE: Totally.

2012 MIKEY: Here he goes again. That's your type?

MM DONNIE: Every girl, man...

MM LEO: I'm not even that into her. (beat) Give me that contact! Give me that contact! Please give me the phone!

MM MIKEY: You got no rizz!!!!