Once upon a time I had a family. They were not perfect. Actually they were far from it.
My father was an irresponsible manchild who often disappointed me, my younger half siblings, and my poor long suffering stepmother.
I don't know how she never lost her mind dealing with him.
My mother was a flake who could just be a irresponsible as my father. Which was why their marriage did not last long.
And she had a secret.
No they had a secret. A terrible one they that did not share with me or their spouses. One that they lived in fear of being exposed everyday of their life.
But don't ask me what it was because I could not tell you. The only thing I know was when it came out it gutted me and I didn't know if I could ever trust my parents again.
Then there was my stepfather. An intimidating and stern individual who ruled his family with a rod. He often talked down to my mother like she was a child.
And I was often terrified of him.
He had a look in his eyes which sent chills up and down my spine. Even when I did not anything wrong.
He scared me and I often found myself walking on egg shells around him out of fear of getting spanking if I made a mistake.
But despite his heavy handedness he could also be a very caring and empathetic person.
And that is what attracted my mother to him.
And probably his strictness. Because she knew deep down she needed.
And that I needed it too.
I had one....no two.... no three stepbrothers. Yes there were three I am sure of it.
One who was a brat who lived to get me into trouble with his dad.
Another stepbrother was who was impulsive and often found himself in trouble with his parents.
And another who was the responsible one who always looked out for his younger siblings. Who did his best to keep us out of trouble which was not easy.
Not with miscreants like us for brothers.
I don't remember their names, what they look like, or the sound of their voices.
But there is one thing I remember about them.
I loved them.
Despite their flaws of which their way many I loved each of them.
And my heart aches for them.
I long to see them again.
The sadness overwhelms me as I continue to drift through the endless empty void.
