falling [total drama island]

chapter nine

Cody stares at me with those wide blue eyes of his. He throws his cigarette to the ground, steps on it and grumbles as he watches the rainfall from the window of the public library.

It's been a while since he came to my house, met my family, had dinner, et cetera, et cetera. I really want to go to his place, since it's massive and I would love a house tour, but he's been avoiding the subject. I can't just invade someone's house, to be fair, so I haven't said much about it. 

We've only gotten closer recently. Honestly, he might be one of my best friends now, with the exception of Courtney. Cody understands me in a way no one does. It sounds so cringey and cliched but he's like the one person who has been through similar experiences. His life is like mine and my life is like his. Now we're just in the public library while I browse for books and he stares longingly out the window.

"Huh..." he says. "When do you think I'll do it?"

"Do what?" I ask him. 

"Get the hell out of this place," he returns. "I know I only just got here, but this is hell and torture. I don't even know what I want to do with myself. I feel like I'm a burden to everyone because I feel like I won't get anywhere in life."

"I mean, you have the Drama Brothers," I say. "That's what you want, isn't it?"

"Yeah. I guess I do. But it's time to think logically about it. Are we ever gonna make it big? I mean, our first gig is tonight, but  if we fuck anything up then we probably won't be invited back. Being successful in this industry is hard, Noah." He puts his head in his hands. "It feels so stressful."

"I get it," I reply. "I'll be there when you make it big, I promise."

Cody smiles weakly. "I don't know. The stress of university life has really been getting to me lately."

"I haven't known you for that long but, yeah, I get it. That type of stress is crazy, it feels like you can barely keep a meal down. Hell, I can hardly swallow when I've got the weight of my academics on my shoulders. Throwing up just comes naturally now, I guess." I laugh because I've just let that slip off my tongue. Does it really matter now?

Cody smiles before readjusting himself and then his face goes sullen in realization. I stare at him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he says with the wave of his hand. "I was just thinking about something...I remembered... nevermind. We should get going."

Fuck, I hate it when people go all mysterious and say 'nevermind'. Either way, I can't pester him into saying anything he doesn't want to. We get in his car and drive to the pub where the Drama Brothers are performing tonight. 

///

"Trent you fucking idiot," Justin says. "Did you forget you damn fucking guitar AGAIN."

We're backstage right before the concert at six and a lot of people have shown up. Leshawna is backstage with me and so is Bridgette. Bridgette is like our therapist, she's watching as Trent and Justin argue over a guitar as Harold looks caught in between. "I can just get the spare guitar in the tru-"

"NO."

 Cody looks like he's ready to jump off a bloody building and his fingers are shaky. 

"You alright?" I ask. 

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just didn't expect so many people to be here," he says. His breathing is shaky, but it's so shallow you can barely tell. "I mean, it's only like, sixty, but I'm scared. What if something goes wrong and we die."

"What the fuck, Cody. You're gonna be fine, okay? Maybe you're gonna make it big tonight, Codester, we'll see."

Maybe it's the dim lighting, but I swear this bitch just blushed. His ears went all tingly and shit. He smiles. "I'm honestly so scared I'm gonna have a voice crack on stage. Like this." He re-enacts a silly voice crack which sends me to tears from laughing. I watch as he warms up and swiftly spins his cap backwards. I snort.

He puts his hands on his hips, all sassy and shit. "What's funny?"

"Nothing," I say in between chuckles. "You just look so gay right now."

"Oh my God," he says and puts his head in his hands. The stage manager walks in all of a sudden, and announces the fifteen minute call. Trent and Justin shut up as Leshawna shoves Trent a guitar and kisses Harold before going back into the crowd. I watch as she waves at Courtney and shuffles over to her.

"Hey, Noah, let's go now," Bridgette says as she waits by the stairs. 

"Break a leg," I say to the brunette, and smile.

a/n

i know what im doing trusttttt(in)